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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can no longer be arsed with this person…

380 replies

CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:13

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

OP posts:
MagpiePi · 23/03/2025 21:59

Surely the response to ‘do you need an adult to help you?’ is ‘yes, could you go and find one for me?’

Megirlan123 · 23/03/2025 22:00

Huge overreaction on her part.

I wouldn’t be offended with your joke but I don’t think it’s funny either.

However, you did upset her, although yes it was unintentional. I would lightly apologise to clear the air then I’d keep my distance.

LollyLand · 23/03/2025 22:00

She sounds vulnerable or unwell. Is she getting support? Maybe she feels bullied at work.

thenightsky · 23/03/2025 22:02

MagpiePi · 23/03/2025 21:59

Surely the response to ‘do you need an adult to help you?’ is ‘yes, could you go and find one for me?’

Yes, I'd probably go with that sort of thing. Light hearted banter from OP, obviously. I don't understand why PPs don't understand that.

MrsRedTop · 23/03/2025 22:02

I feel for you OP. There’s a woman I work with one day a week and I really dislike having to deal with her. I like to go in early, get a head start on my shift and enjoy some peaceful time with the animals we work with before it gets busy. But she comes in early too just to talk at me about whatever’s been upsetting her this week. I’ve tried saying hello and going to a different part of the building but she just follows me around, talking at me about her problems. She never asks me any questions about myself and has no interest in anything I have to say. Whilst she’s not a bad person, she’s a total narcissist and mood hoover. I wish I could tell her that I have zero interest in listening to her self inflicted problems, but she’d turn it another drama and I’d be accused of being a heartless bitch. Don’t apologise. You’ve nothing to apologise for. I’d just be polite but distant when dealing with the woman in the future.

Tillybud81 · 23/03/2025 22:02

I'd find it funny OP, and quite likely give my own work colleagues the same kind of banter, but I suppose you have to pick your targets.

I'd have zero time for anyone who give me shit back or take offence at me saying this to them in the (very clearly) intended way you did.

I'd probably ask if it hurt having their sense of humour removed just to make myself even more of a twat while I was at it 😂 but then I work with blokes who tend not to run off crying very much

AppropriateAdult · 23/03/2025 22:06

I’ve never heard that ‘joke’ before and, while I wouldn’t run away crying, I would certainly give you this look Hmm and wonder if you were maybe a bit socially awkward.

It’s possible that she was having a shit day, was frustrated at the door and then you coming along with a patronising and unhelpful comment was just the last straw. It’s never nice to have your own inadequacies, however tiny, be noticed and pointed out publicly. I think you should have apologised when you initially had a chance to, but it’s probably too late now to sort it.

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 23/03/2025 22:06

MrsRedTop · 23/03/2025 22:02

I feel for you OP. There’s a woman I work with one day a week and I really dislike having to deal with her. I like to go in early, get a head start on my shift and enjoy some peaceful time with the animals we work with before it gets busy. But she comes in early too just to talk at me about whatever’s been upsetting her this week. I’ve tried saying hello and going to a different part of the building but she just follows me around, talking at me about her problems. She never asks me any questions about myself and has no interest in anything I have to say. Whilst she’s not a bad person, she’s a total narcissist and mood hoover. I wish I could tell her that I have zero interest in listening to her self inflicted problems, but she’d turn it another drama and I’d be accused of being a heartless bitch. Don’t apologise. You’ve nothing to apologise for. I’d just be polite but distant when dealing with the woman in the future.

God that sounds horrendous... This type of person is so bloody tiresome. They drain the life out of you.

Just a tip: with this type, I've found they don't care about your responses or advice or even whether you're actively listening. They want a sound board. So I'd just stop listening and just hear noise and keep your responses non commital and generic. It might feel rude- but she's actually the rude one to use you as an unpaid therapist/someone to absorb sound.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/03/2025 22:09

You say it's a well known joke but it isn't one I've heard of in my 52 years.

PS, it wasn't funny either.

And yes, I do have a cracking sense of humour...when things are funny.

I wouldn't have run off crying, I'd have been 😐, but you never know what's going on in someone's life

madaffodil · 23/03/2025 22:10

SallyWD · 23/03/2025 21:23

She sounds exhausting and I wouldn't be arsed with her either. However, I've never heard the apparently well known joke "Would you like an adult to help you." I think if someone said that to me I'd feel mildly offended and think they were implying I was an incompetent child. It seems an odd thing to say.

I agree with this, and I haven't heard that saying before either. I'd be seriously offended if someone said that to me. It is deeply condescending and patronising.

Smallsalt · 23/03/2025 22:11

you both sound unsufferable
You for the arsey comment, her for weeping.

Flyboyblue · 23/03/2025 22:13

i'd roll my eyes at that joke and think you were one of those people who think they are funnier than they are.I wouldn't run away crying though.

Pleatherandlace · 23/03/2025 22:15

Wouldn’t bother me at all if you said that to me whilst I was struggling with something as mundane as opening the door. In real life I think most people would realise it was just harmless messing and wouldn’t give it a second thought. Don’t understand why so many on here find it so deeply offensive?

blackcatsarethebestcats · 23/03/2025 22:15

IMissSparkling · 23/03/2025 21:56

She sounds like hard work but what you said to her wasn't funny. If you'd said that to me in the workplace my reaction would be best expressed as: 🤨🤬.

This. I was sympathetic to you until I read what you’d said. That wasn’t ok.

Flyboyblue · 23/03/2025 22:17

I think my answer would have been fuck off.

orangewasp · 23/03/2025 22:20

I'd laugh if you said that to me (I am actually quite incompetent with doors and the push pull thing) - it's not a joke with a punchline, just a normal humorous and human interaction with a colleague. Some people must be so boring to work with, going by this thread.

JLou08 · 23/03/2025 22:21

Pleatherandlace · 23/03/2025 22:15

Wouldn’t bother me at all if you said that to me whilst I was struggling with something as mundane as opening the door. In real life I think most people would realise it was just harmless messing and wouldn’t give it a second thought. Don’t understand why so many on here find it so deeply offensive?

I don't think people find it deeply offensive, I wouldn't care if it was said to me, but reading between the lines, OP knew this person didn't have the same sense of humour so why say it, and the person running off crying suggests there may be more to it.

purpleme12 · 23/03/2025 22:25

Can't comment on anything else that may have happened with her but I think 'would you like an adult to help with that' is a shitty thing to say actually and demeaning

Not that I'd cry over it

And I don't what you mean when you say it's a well known joke or something. I don't know if you meant that but it's not something I've heard ever

Pleatherandlace · 23/03/2025 22:26

JLou08 · 23/03/2025 22:21

I don't think people find it deeply offensive, I wouldn't care if it was said to me, but reading between the lines, OP knew this person didn't have the same sense of humour so why say it, and the person running off crying suggests there may be more to it.

Show quote history

I doubt People in real life would find it offensive but there have been plenty on this thread who do. I think whatever the OP says to this woman will be taken the wrong way so probably best to learn from this experience and give her a wide birth, although that will probably upset her too.

MissMelanieH · 23/03/2025 22:29

I think I’ve worked with this person in the past. Does she claim to “love banter” until even the smallest amount is actually directed at her?

you have my sympathy OP, this sort of behaviour is exhausting.

DatingDinosaur · 23/03/2025 22:34

"She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing,"

That doesn't sound jokey at all, that sounds sarcastic and condescending with a hint of mockery.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/03/2025 22:37

Jokes like that are funny among friends who you know share your sense of humour. You already knew she was highly strung so it wasn’t a good idea to say it to her. Maybe she feels she’s incompetent and thought you were “joking” to say what you really thought. It was inappropriate of you and you should apologise. And I’m saying this as someone who once did exactly the same thing at work many years ago and randomly reduced someone to tears. It was so long ago I can’t actually remember what I said, but I was absolutely mortified and very apologetic after.

ByRealPoet · 23/03/2025 22:42

Inside I’d genuinely be like wtf at this, a bit fuming, not knowing you or the joke😂😂😂

“I would, but there seem to be none around!” we both laugh and enter merrily together. But genuinely… why would you say that to me.

JeanGenieJean · 23/03/2025 22:44

We had one like that at work- it was like walking on eggshells. She took offence at anything and never, ever understood a jokey comment.
She used to sulk about 50% of the time and argue the other 50%.
It got to the stage where everyone avoided her as much as possible and of course she was offended about that!
No idea what the answer is with people like that.

Ivesaidenough · 23/03/2025 22:48

I would have found that funny - do you work in a school by any chance? 😆