Page 14 | Can no longer be arsed with this person…

CaptainFuture · 25/03/2025 22:11

Horses7 · 25/03/2025 22:07

For someone who wants a quiet life you’re making a drama out of this. Be kind, you don’t know what’s going on in her life. You should at least acknowledge that you didn’t want to upset her - and then you can avoid her in future and have a cba quiet life.

Why is "be kind" a one way street? Why shouldn't the other woman "be kind" and leave her histrionics and querlous behaviour at home?

Horses7 · 25/03/2025 22:18

Oh god read what I said Captain F - she’s obviously hypersensitive who knows how tough her life is? She’s apologised - easiest way to deal with it is acknowledge it hurt her and then avoid her. Can’t believe there’s so much drama caused by all this. Especially by someone who wants a quiet life

CaptainFuture · 25/03/2025 22:22

Agree with you on that @Horses7 !! So much drama for what's really an innocuous throwaway comment, are people ^really thinking it was a calculated malicious thing? That @CouchSpud has planned this for ages, lurking by a door waiting to pounce?!

latetothefisting · 25/03/2025 22:42

VapeHelp · 23/03/2025 21:54

Same here. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be a joke joke, just a lighthearted interaction between two people.

OP I wouldn’t apologise, and I’d secretly hope she never spoke to me again. Gotta be careful of people like that though, they’re usually the first to go crying to HR. Ignore her drama and keep it strictly civil.

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Yeah I think this is what people are (deliberately) not understanding.

OP didn't expect her to roll on the floor laughing in hilarity. It's just a silly thing people might say, like "enjoy your trip?" if someone nearly misses a step (obviously not appropriate f if they fall and injure themselves), or "all right King Charles," to tease someone if they do something mildly, but not really fancy, like putting their pot noodles in a bowl rather than eating them out of the container, or eating pizza with a knife and fork or whatever.

Crying!colleague might not find it the epitome of comedy but the point is, in the context that OP said it in, no reasonable person could find it offensive. As OP accepted, it would be different if it was said in a situation that someone might really struggle with, but it wasn't. Nobody is going to actually mistake an adult woman with a child just because she slightly struggled on one occastion to open a door.

OP I usually dislike them but this could be cause for the 'back on you' type of apology, e.g. "I'm sorry you were offended but that wasn't my intention." Acknowledges her distress but doesn't accept any responsibility for it. Essentially saying like you are on here 'A pity you're upset but that's on you, not me.'

Helen483 · 26/03/2025 00:05

CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:48

Fuck sake 🙄

Is that supposed to be an intelligent comment?
Your "joke" wasn't funny it was downright rude. Just apologise and move on.

Mumofsquirrels · 26/03/2025 04:11

CouchSpud · 23/03/2025 21:13

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

I thought your comment was funny. She clearly has no sense of humour. I’d give her a wide berth from now on. She’s more trouble than she’s worth.

HelenWheels · 26/03/2025 05:21

Horses7 · 25/03/2025 22:18

Oh god read what I said Captain F - she’s obviously hypersensitive who knows how tough her life is? She’s apologised - easiest way to deal with it is acknowledge it hurt her and then avoid her. Can’t believe there’s so much drama caused by all this. Especially by someone who wants a quiet life

and she didnt even have to apologise

risingsunny · 26/03/2025 05:33

she was over the top but you don’t sound particularly nice either

Applesarenice · 26/03/2025 07:04

If you know what this woman is like, why make a joke at her expense? She clearly wouldn’t find it funny. Odd behaviour from you both I think

Calliopespa · 26/03/2025 07:40

Mumofsquirrels · 26/03/2025 04:11

I thought your comment was funny. She clearly has no sense of humour. I’d give her a wide berth from now on. She’s more trouble than she’s worth.

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A “ good sense of humour” understands its audience.

godmum56 · 26/03/2025 09:21

latetothefisting · 25/03/2025 22:42

Yeah I think this is what people are (deliberately) not understanding.

OP didn't expect her to roll on the floor laughing in hilarity. It's just a silly thing people might say, like "enjoy your trip?" if someone nearly misses a step (obviously not appropriate f if they fall and injure themselves), or "all right King Charles," to tease someone if they do something mildly, but not really fancy, like putting their pot noodles in a bowl rather than eating them out of the container, or eating pizza with a knife and fork or whatever.

Crying!colleague might not find it the epitome of comedy but the point is, in the context that OP said it in, no reasonable person could find it offensive. As OP accepted, it would be different if it was said in a situation that someone might really struggle with, but it wasn't. Nobody is going to actually mistake an adult woman with a child just because she slightly struggled on one occastion to open a door.

OP I usually dislike them but this could be cause for the 'back on you' type of apology, e.g. "I'm sorry you were offended but that wasn't my intention." Acknowledges her distress but doesn't accept any responsibility for it. Essentially saying like you are on here 'A pity you're upset but that's on you, not me.'

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and here we are....with the "just bantz" "can't you take a joke" crowd. I have no idea what the OP's intention was but they did know that this person had a rep for being sensitive and either forgot, or decided not, to take this into account. What is so wrong, so difficult, about saying "I am sorry I upset you, I didn't mean to do that" @latetothefisting even you who are defending her are saying it was a silly thing to say so why not apologise? Surely taking your advice to make a "fake" apology just makes things worse and moves it from being a stupid mistake to deliberate nastiness? Why should the OP not take responsibility for what they did? they may not have intended to do it but they definitely did it!

thepariscrimefiles · 26/03/2025 09:39

godmum56 · 26/03/2025 09:21

and here we are....with the "just bantz" "can't you take a joke" crowd. I have no idea what the OP's intention was but they did know that this person had a rep for being sensitive and either forgot, or decided not, to take this into account. What is so wrong, so difficult, about saying "I am sorry I upset you, I didn't mean to do that" @latetothefisting even you who are defending her are saying it was a silly thing to say so why not apologise? Surely taking your advice to make a "fake" apology just makes things worse and moves it from being a stupid mistake to deliberate nastiness? Why should the OP not take responsibility for what they did? they may not have intended to do it but they definitely did it!

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I agree with this. The irony is that OP posted to moan about her colleague being ridiculously over-sensitive with no sense of humour but OP has actually flounced off her own thread because:

a) some posters have said that the joke wasn't funny
b) some posters told her that her behaviour was unkind and could be seen as bullying
c) some posters told her that her reaction to not receiving universal validation for her actions was at least as over-sensitive as her colleague's reaction to OP's 'joke'.

Dodeedoo · 26/03/2025 12:28

thepariscrimefiles · 26/03/2025 09:39

I agree with this. The irony is that OP posted to moan about her colleague being ridiculously over-sensitive with no sense of humour but OP has actually flounced off her own thread because:

a) some posters have said that the joke wasn't funny
b) some posters told her that her behaviour was unkind and could be seen as bullying
c) some posters told her that her reaction to not receiving universal validation for her actions was at least as over-sensitive as her colleague's reaction to OP's 'joke'.

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This!

Lighteningstrikes · 26/03/2025 12:46

You belittled her.

Jokes are supposed to be funny, not arrogant or sarcastic.

widowtocricket · 27/03/2025 18:26

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/03/2025 23:43

If I see someone struggling to open a door I always say "ah, Midvale School for the gifted".
Even when it's me struggling with a door.

Occasionally someone gets it and we share a chuckle.

I thought it was just me!! One of my favourite Far sides!!

Cornishclio · 27/03/2025 18:30

If you know she is over sensitive that probably wouldn’t be a joke I would use on her. Maybe if this is a pattern she feels picked on. Just let it go.

Serpentstooth · 28/03/2025 08:07

Self-identified with that cartoon the moment I saw it. Still have the birthday card (from someone who knows me very well😁) from 20+ years ago. Never fails to make me grin.

thenightsky · 28/03/2025 09:15

widowtocricket · 27/03/2025 18:26

I thought it was just me!! One of my favourite Far sides!!

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Oh yes. Me too

LakieLady · 28/03/2025 09:32

trailmx · 24/03/2025 07:28

How you and people here would react is irrelevant.

You knew this woman was sensitive and emotionally labile and still chose to make the joke.

This could be construed as bullying.

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I agree.

"Banter" in the workplace can be a minefield. It has to be mutual, or it can be be a form of bullying.

coo12 · 28/03/2025 12:33

Sometimes there is just no winning with colleagues that are prone to emotional outbursts. The one I worked with was an absolute nightmare. Nothing.....and I mean nothing.....that anyone said was OK. Everything was twisted to give an excuse for a reaction. If someone said, "I love your outfit," then that would be answered with, " So are you saying my outfit yesterday wasn't nice?" I was on the receiving end of one of her angry, tearful outbursts for wishing her a happy birthday as she "didn't want everyone to know". Not saying anything to her was also met with a reaction as then people were ignoring her and being "nasty". Her irrational behaviour was definitely indicative of mental health issues but it is draining for colleagues who have to walk this minefield everyday.

godmum56 · 28/03/2025 17:31

coo12 · 28/03/2025 12:33

Sometimes there is just no winning with colleagues that are prone to emotional outbursts. The one I worked with was an absolute nightmare. Nothing.....and I mean nothing.....that anyone said was OK. Everything was twisted to give an excuse for a reaction. If someone said, "I love your outfit," then that would be answered with, " So are you saying my outfit yesterday wasn't nice?" I was on the receiving end of one of her angry, tearful outbursts for wishing her a happy birthday as she "didn't want everyone to know". Not saying anything to her was also met with a reaction as then people were ignoring her and being "nasty". Her irrational behaviour was definitely indicative of mental health issues but it is draining for colleagues who have to walk this minefield everyday.

yup those people exist but why for the love of the Wee Man would you make it worse?

coo12 · 28/03/2025 19:44

@godmum56

"yup those people exist but why for the love of the Wee Man would you make it worse?"

I don't think the OP intended to make it worse though. It was a spur of the moment remark (we all do it!) that seemingly caused offence to her colleague but in my experience, people like the OP's colleague would have equally taken offence if the OP had said, "Let me get the door for you!" or " Here, let me hold the door." My colleague would not have seen that as an offer of help but would have turned that into me insinuating she couldn't manage to open a door.
It is the having to analyse and second guess every single thing you say to people like this that is the issue. You simply don't have time and I totally get where the OP is coming from in not wanting to interact further with this person. They are VERY wearing!

godmum56 · 28/03/2025 19:54

coo12 · 28/03/2025 19:44

@godmum56

"yup those people exist but why for the love of the Wee Man would you make it worse?"

I don't think the OP intended to make it worse though. It was a spur of the moment remark (we all do it!) that seemingly caused offence to her colleague but in my experience, people like the OP's colleague would have equally taken offence if the OP had said, "Let me get the door for you!" or " Here, let me hold the door." My colleague would not have seen that as an offer of help but would have turned that into me insinuating she couldn't manage to open a door.
It is the having to analyse and second guess every single thing you say to people like this that is the issue. You simply don't have time and I totally get where the OP is coming from in not wanting to interact further with this person. They are VERY wearing!

well but there is a VAST difference between "let me hold the door" and the comment that the OP made She may not have meant to be rude but in that case why not just say "I am sorry I upset you I didn't mean to". After all the other person did apologise for over reacting.

latetothefisting · 28/03/2025 20:03

godmum56 · 26/03/2025 09:21

and here we are....with the "just bantz" "can't you take a joke" crowd. I have no idea what the OP's intention was but they did know that this person had a rep for being sensitive and either forgot, or decided not, to take this into account. What is so wrong, so difficult, about saying "I am sorry I upset you, I didn't mean to do that" @latetothefisting even you who are defending her are saying it was a silly thing to say so why not apologise? Surely taking your advice to make a "fake" apology just makes things worse and moves it from being a stupid mistake to deliberate nastiness? Why should the OP not take responsibility for what they did? they may not have intended to do it but they definitely did it!

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a silly thing doesn't mean a bad thing though, so don't try to twist my words as me in some way agreeing that there was anything wrong with OP's comment. Talking to a dog or a baby could be considered "silly" because they don't understand you, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Why should OP not take responsibility? Because OP isn't responsible for how someone else feels! As per the Jackie O quote 'nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.' If she didn't mean any offense by her comment, she would essentially just be apologising for talking to the colleague at all.

Would you advise her to apologise if she'd said "Good morning" to the colleague and the colleague had got upset because she wasn't having a good morning, and therefore OP shouldn't have made assumptions? Where do the bounds of reasonable human interaction end? If we can't say anything that has the remote chance of possibly offending someone who is hyper-sensitive then we literally can't say anything.

I think this is one of the rare times a non-apology would be perfect. Saying she's sorry colleague is upset shows sympathy without accepting responsibility. Like when someone dies, you say sorry for their loss, because most empathetic humans acknowledge the sadness of others, but that's not the same as accepting any culpability.

coo12 · 28/03/2025 20:08

latetothefisting · 28/03/2025 20:03

a silly thing doesn't mean a bad thing though, so don't try to twist my words as me in some way agreeing that there was anything wrong with OP's comment. Talking to a dog or a baby could be considered "silly" because they don't understand you, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Why should OP not take responsibility? Because OP isn't responsible for how someone else feels! As per the Jackie O quote 'nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.' If she didn't mean any offense by her comment, she would essentially just be apologising for talking to the colleague at all.

Would you advise her to apologise if she'd said "Good morning" to the colleague and the colleague had got upset because she wasn't having a good morning, and therefore OP shouldn't have made assumptions? Where do the bounds of reasonable human interaction end? If we can't say anything that has the remote chance of possibly offending someone who is hyper-sensitive then we literally can't say anything.

I think this is one of the rare times a non-apology would be perfect. Saying she's sorry colleague is upset shows sympathy without accepting responsibility. Like when someone dies, you say sorry for their loss, because most empathetic humans acknowledge the sadness of others, but that's not the same as accepting any culpability.

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100% this!