Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

Think you were a bit insensitive with your comment.. but she sounds a total drama lama and is trying to suck you into her game. I also cba with such behaviour.. but if you come out as the bad guy then its backfired. So a little hi sorry I didn't mean to offend you. Thanks for your email. Lets move on.... might put it all to rest. Then avoid her like the plague.
For these people there is no end to the drama string... its what fuels them. Civil and polite but not adding drama fuel onto the pile. Tears are always what I think as cheating in an adult conversation ...

I agree. She may be dramatic but your joke would make me think you are bad at reading the room. The kind of person who says things like 'I just say it like it is / I'm mad me! / It's just banter' etc.

If you are so good at getting on with everyone then just reply and say ‘it was never my intention to upset you and I am sorry that you were so upset, so can we put it behind us now?’

Apologise for the misunderstanding and don't make any more jokes at her expense when you know she's sensitive

the archetype of a poor apology. No acknowledgement that the OP CAUSED the upset and a total dismissal of the OP.

I beg to differ on this, I know everyone and every workplace is different, but it is very commonplace for people in my work to say ‘oh I need an adult for that’ , sometimes it’s a joke like opening a door, and equally for an actual difficult situation they find themselves in! If I’m having a bad day, and everything goes wrong (think getting your sleeve caught on the door, pushing a pull door), we quite often say ‘ah I’m not very good at adulting today!’

Every other week, she could be on the receiving end of abuse from her partner/spouse about her being incompetent and needing him to be the adult.

There are people who can take the blunter end of humour or just day to day conversation 'Hi, how are you?' 'What do you want?' can have somebody laughing at you for wanting to get to the point because they're always wanting something - or can get you hauled up in front of the Head because you've made them cry. Same way saying 'Oh, fuck off' can be an amusing reaction or deeply offensive or 'Just as well, you're pretty, innit?' can get you told laughingly to fuck off or be reported for sexist behaviour. And there are some people for whom saying 'Do you need a grown up?' would get The Look from me (and they'd laugh) and others that would get the 'Excuse me?'/'Just who do you think you're talking to?' for similar reasons.

The key is to know the difference before you open your mouth - and you already knew that she wasn't always in the mood for your charming bluntness, so it's probably better that you don't do it again. And an apology for this time really, really isn't physically painful, just suck it up and don't subject her to your humour again.

I don’t really think it’s a joke and I am not sure I would find it funny. Just professionally distance yourself I’d just be wary of her involving other people.

I agree! Makes me feel grateful for my colleagues having read some of the replies on here. She sounds far too sensitive and self absorbed.

Nah; not funny.

I think your joke was very Dave Brent

It wasn’t that funny.

Yes, and I would have laughed with you. What a carry on about nothing.

Actually just so you know, it's not that funny.

Also, I've had home issues for the past 3 years, with DHs health and I'm an emotional wreck. I don't cry openly but trust me, every little dig hurts when you are vulnerable.
And yes before that my parents suffered long illnesses and so did my former partner and I cared for them all whilst continuing to work until the latter stages and it's exhausting emotionally.
So try being nicer ir just keep quiet.

but that is you saying it about yourself and not someone saying it to you.

It depends on how it is said, it could easily come across as patronising and no-one likes that. A joke is only funny if the other person laughs, if they take offence you should apologise, even Jeremy Beadle said that.

And you sound oafish. There's nothing funny about the office Colins.

If you genuinely can’t be bothered you’d apologise in order to just get past it and move on. What’s to loose. Nothing - it’s just a few words and is the standard for resolving things. Instead you’re making some kind of personal stand and refusing. Kindly- get over it ! Say sorry for a dumb joke when someone was having a shit day, and move on. She’s been big enough to do it.

I guess it depends what tone you used, do you want an adult to help you do that sounds like a put down to me.

She sounds like a PITA. But you sound like you've got very little emotional intelligence. If someone's a drama queen, don't feed the drama.

@godmum56 🤣

Nope, couldn't be arsed with this either. People are frightened to death of saying the wrong thing or are in fear of offending people!. Yes ,this woman could be going through a shit time or whatever,but how is the OP meant to know, she's not a mind reader ffs.

I find the joke funny and would of laughed

some people take themselves way too seriously…

The joke isn’t funny. Do you come off with a lot of these type of comments that you think are funny but others might not?

Honestly can't believe this is still trundling on with posters hysteria and emotional dis-regulation spiralling about the level of harm in a pretty daft comment!

For someone who wants a quiet life you’re making a drama out of this. Be kind, you don’t know what’s going on in her life. You should at least acknowledge that you didn’t want to upset her - and then you can avoid her in future and have a cba quiet life.