Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

Yes, absolutely.

It's like those blokes that say oh I'm just inappropriate, I'm a joker. Hint, no-one thinks that.

Do you work in the public sector?

[I found the joke funny]

You have a sensitive colleague and you don't know if you're coming or going with her.

Why choose this person to make the butt of your shit joke?

In the right place, with the right person, in the right tone I agree.
At work, with a stressed,anxious person you don't have a close relationship with, possibly coming across as patronising or sarky .... not so much.

You sound fun

Well you sound lovely ....🫤

It's not fun to upset people by patronising them. Especially if you already know they're sensitive.

Have you apologised OP or decided against it in the end?

What a weird conclusion

There's nothing in that comment that indicates the poster is not fun.

plus what they said is all true

After the early doors swearing, eye-rolling, accusing other posters of being bullies and flouncing, I suspect the chances of an apology to her colleague are slim to none.

You're definitely not open to banter if you think this is bullying / offensive.

It was a throwaway comment with no harm intended, fair enough

But if someone is on the edge about something the slightest thing couid set them off. She's admitted that she overreacted by apologising to you. You've mentioned that you've 'spoken to others ' about this, which to me indicates that she's the mature person.

If you don't want to engage with her fair enough but I think you're being a little harsh just in this scenario.

She could be a complete pain in general but here I think a quick message saying don't worry, I didn't mean to upset you wouldn't go amiss.

Rather depends on how it was said? Fine to a good mate, rude to a big standard colleague.

A jokey comment about how they don’t want us in the staff room or about being stuck in the staffroom for the afternoon is more appropriate.

She sounds a drama queen but then again it's best not to make patronising jokes at work unless you know the recipient will take it well.

You definitely lack some comprehension skills if that's what you took from my post.

Banter is only banter if both people are happy to have the piss taken out of them, it is very much a consensual thing, normally between people who know each other well enough to know that it will not cause offence and it will be taken in the lighthearted way they intended.

If one person doesn't like the piss being taken out of them, is rather sensitive and gets upset quite a lot, then laughing at them and making a joke at their expense is basically bullying. As is going round afterwards and telling everyone all about what happened and getting them to agree how sensitive she is, she obviously couldn't wait to gossip about 'sulky susan running off crying again'.. absolutely no need to trash the woman even more.

It all goes very much against the bullshit in the OP about "apologising even when she is wrong to keep the peace" .. that must only apply to people that OP actually likes.

i disagree that sorry i upset you is passive aggressive

if you say sorry that you were upset by my behaviour

now that is passive aggressive and antagonising

Nobody is saying “sorry I upset you” is passive aggressive, rather “sorry IF I upset you” is. There’s no ifs about it, they’re upset.

I also think your second one is fine. Change “that” for “if” and it’s pass agg again.

all a bit subjective

It’s all better than zero apology as far as I’m concerned .

Apologies have perversely come to be seen as a sign of weakness; yet seeing how hard some people find it to give them, I think that’s nonsense.

Honestly, there are so many sensitive wet wipes on here. They must have HR on speed dial.

You're absolutely correct , perfect summary!