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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please, please, please put away your phones...

539 replies

User63859 · 22/03/2025 23:22

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

OP posts:
Themostlikely · 22/03/2025 23:22

I agree

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 22/03/2025 23:24

I agree too!

HottyBotty · 22/03/2025 23:25

Maybe mum and dad have had a hell of a day and are knackered. I know the snapshot you saw didn't look good. But I've learnt not to judge snapshots. You never know what the heck has gone on / is going on in people's lives...

DiddyHeck · 22/03/2025 23:25

Preachy, but I have to say I totally agree.

DawnBreaks · 22/03/2025 23:26

Oh absolutely agree. Poor wee thing. I feel so bad for that child.

DiddyHeck · 22/03/2025 23:27

HottyBotty · 22/03/2025 23:25

Maybe mum and dad have had a hell of a day and are knackered. I know the snapshot you saw didn't look good. But I've learnt not to judge snapshots. You never know what the heck has gone on / is going on in people's lives...

It doesn't take long for the 'But but Olympics' to start.

You know as well as I do that no matter what sort of day they had, they could quite easily still acknowledge their child.

Superfoodie123 · 22/03/2025 23:27

I'm guilty of it. I agree and want to do better

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/03/2025 23:27

Absolutely agree.

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:28

I agree and I’ve often posted about it here and been shot down in flames
apparently I don’t understand anything and I’m mum shaming…

erm, hope! And also I don’t care. I’ve started even saying to people to focus on their child. If your child is screaming the train down and you’re ignoring them with fucking AirPods in or earphones or scrolling tiktok I’m gonna fucking call you out

children deserve better.

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:28

Superfoodie123 · 22/03/2025 23:27

I'm guilty of it. I agree and want to do better

Get a dumbphone honestly it will change ur life you can do this
phones are an addiction I applaud you for noticing you have an issue

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:29

DiddyHeck · 22/03/2025 23:27

It doesn't take long for the 'But but Olympics' to start.

You know as well as I do that no matter what sort of day they had, they could quite easily still acknowledge their child.

This.

User63859 · 22/03/2025 23:29

HottyBotty · 22/03/2025 23:25

Maybe mum and dad have had a hell of a day and are knackered. I know the snapshot you saw didn't look good. But I've learnt not to judge snapshots. You never know what the heck has gone on / is going on in people's lives...

I get that, I'm human and a mother to a young child. But parenting is hard, we will have long days but we need to do better and turn up. To ignore a baby (repeatedly, for half an hour) when they're looking for a connection is so terribly tragic. As parents aren't we hard wired to respond to our children? To try and make them feel loved and like they matter? We are responsible for giving them a sense of worth, I've seen far too many times what happens when we fail to do that.

OP posts:
hurdigurdi · 22/03/2025 23:29

Agree. We don’t know the damage we are all doing. Myself included obviously.
i restrict phone activity in our house but even with that it disturbs me that I have to actively restrict.

Gotthemoozles · 22/03/2025 23:30

I broadly agree with you if that's the norm for that family. But equally, there have been days where I've spent 10 hours entirely focused on the DC on a day out, playing, chatting, exploring, and I don't begrudge myself 15 minutes of exhausted doom scrolling on the bus back home.
The Gottman Instutute has done some interesting work on "bids for connection" in relationships, and the detrimental effect it has if one party is consistently attempting to connect, and being rebuffed. But I think quantity is key - if a parent is responsive 90% of the time, I don't think it's the end of the world if the child learns they're not always the centre of their parents' universe.

TurquoiseDress · 22/03/2025 23:30

I do agree OP

When it comes to phones/devices, we all need to do better…whether it’s ignoring our children, friends or whoever

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:31

User63859 · 22/03/2025 23:29

I get that, I'm human and a mother to a young child. But parenting is hard, we will have long days but we need to do better and turn up. To ignore a baby (repeatedly, for half an hour) when they're looking for a connection is so terribly tragic. As parents aren't we hard wired to respond to our children? To try and make them feel loved and like they matter? We are responsible for giving them a sense of worth, I've seen far too many times what happens when we fail to do that.

society is so self absorbed, a lot of parents only want their children when it suits them. Instagram perfect photos etc. children need talking to, I spy games, talking about their day. Even when they can’t talk, take a cheap hot wheels car and wheel it across their pram, take a book and read it to them, narrate the journey “wow Timmy look the next stop is XXX that’s 4 stops from home - there goes the door beeps beep beep beep” etc etc

Pointynoseowner · 22/03/2025 23:31

Totally agree

Doesabear · 22/03/2025 23:32

Completely agree too. It's awful to see.

Highfivemum · 22/03/2025 23:33

Totally agree. Last week I witnessed a childminder at school on her phone that was oblivious to the fact her charge , a tiny baby was in the rain in its car seat while she was under a large porch on her phone. I hesitated but then had to speak to her and mention it. Poor baby was soaked

DiddyHeck · 22/03/2025 23:33

People are so quick to blame COVID when their kids have problems with socialising etc.

But not quick enough to blame their own screen addictions.

TheaBrandt1 · 22/03/2025 23:34

Agree. Feel blessed that when mine were small I did not even have a smart phone. Yes there were periods of boredom but I was not distracted the way parents are now because there was not the technology.

LauderSyme · 22/03/2025 23:34

Totally agree. I too have been saddened to witness young children being completely ignored in favour of smartphones 😞😖

Reallyneedthosepositivevibes · 22/03/2025 23:35

Yes I agree, I find phone usage sneaks up on me. If I do a tech detox I feel so much better. Need to do one again tbh it's creeping up. Like a PP said it is an addiction, there have been studies that have shown it stimulates the part of the brain that addictive substances do, the reward centre, releases dopamine. I think more will come out about the effects as they deepen studies in line with our digital world and the new tech on the horizon. We are in the infancy of research in this area at the moment.

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:35

And whilst we are at it
dont give your fucking toddler a phone or an iPad
get them looking out the bus window and interacting with the world and other people my gosh.

MondayYogurt · 22/03/2025 23:35

This week I watched a sweet baby girl try and get her mother’s attention for 20min on the train.
She made noises, she grabbed her hand. Nothing would stop this woman from staring at her phone.
What was so engrossing that the child eventually gave up and turned her head away?

Nail art on instagram.