Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

I agree OP. It is heartbreaking. Lots of babies and children just totally ignored. How can content on a phone be more interesting or important than your own child? Very sad.

Something horrendous ! i moved house 3 times to different areas of the country, my mother died, my child was very ill and my Husband had just been sent of to Gulf war one, all of that in 12 months ! Do you know what i did ? I looked after my children, just me, nobody there to take over because my mum had died, only me to deal with hospital appointments, it was left to me to calm my children as they missed their dad. It was down to me 24 hours a day to engage with my children, 7 days a week of swinging between grieving for my mother and being worried sick about my ill child and worrying my husband would be killed. That horrendous enough for you?

Witnessed something similar on the tube a few weeks ago. Mother glued to her mob, 4 x DC trying to get her attention. Young one in the pushchair engaging with other commuters for attention.

Just a snapshot, as another poster has said, but it did make me feel for them.

You were on top form through all of those occasions, a faultless mother? Wow. You're either lying or exemplary.

Imagine if during those life events someone decided you weren't doing enough and were infact, a disgrace that shouldnt have had children. Told you 'tough fucking shit, if you cant cope with your mother dying or your DC being ill then you shouldn't have had children.' Told you youre a 'fucking disgrace' would that be ok?

I don't agree personally, but as I'm sure you're aware, some people believe it is selfish to have DC with a partner in the forces, who can't be available for thier DC. So whilst youre judging someone, someone else is judging you for what you've chosen to put your DC through.

Just to be clear, I would totally judge a mother (or father) in A&E who were so emotionally immature that the only way they could stop themselves ‘going mad’ is by checking their emails whilst ignoring their sick child’s needs. I also judge posters who use the scenario of the death of a child to try and justify phone use as was done earlier in the thread.

In case anyone’s interested I also judge (in no specific order, list is not exhaustive) people who text whilst driving, drunk drivers, genocidal maniacs, abusive men (and women), people who are cruel to animals, bullies on mumsnet, the cheese / chips poster and the upsy daisy one. And I’m free to do so and free to express my opinions so please stop telling me otherwise. It’s ‘ironic’ that the judgiest posters / trolls on here are moaning about judging so loudly.

Oh, and by the way, our children judge us every day. They form opinions of us from many little snapshots, don’t for one second think that they don’t see who their parents really are.

This

Surely there's a bit of a difference between checking emails in A&E with your child and committing genocide?

But wouldn't you include yourself as somewhat of a judgemental bully? I appreciate we are always going to judge, but wouldn't the world be that bit better if we weren't all looking to pick one another apart all the time?

I don't actually use my phone all that much but if youre in A&E judging me and my parenting of my two disabled children. Then that is a flaw in you, not me. Walk a mile in my shoes.

What a horrible post

I was simple mirroring all of that posters wording. None of that is my own opinion. Read the post I was responding to.

So what you're saying is you believe you're absolutely perfect and judge everyone the same whether they're checking emails whilst cuddling their sick child or committing heinous crimes against other humans?

As long as you realise you're telling us you're a horrible person.

@Twocheesychips I suggest you spend more time reading people's posts and what they have actually written, rather than getting all
excited about something they didn't say.

I hope you have a wonderful evening.

Hear bloody hear!

Or maybe you two should have a think about what you're writing before you post it! I'm going to leave it there. This thread isn't in the spirit of Mumsnet. It is designed to put others down.

So what.

After reading posts advocating both sides, I remain unconvinced that not interacting meaningfully with your children at 11pm at night is the crime of the century.

Most dog walks I see out and about are: airpods in, dogs being dragged round, no interaction and not allowing the dog to stop to sniff. Pathetic excuse for a dog walk.

Totally agree about lack of interaction with children OP.

Hundreds of child psychologists would disagree. We've all fallen into the trap of doom scrolling rather than engaging with real life and the people in it. Rather than deny we have a serious problem with far reaching consequences for our children, we should try to find solutions.

At 11pm?! The Victorians gave infants opium, I suppose.

I'm with the poster above. There is no golden age of parenting. Our reliance on screens may have increased and that brings many issues including children being exposed to more inappropriate content, but on the other hand life is more child-centric (something people often complain about!) and there is much more focus on interacting with children than there ever was in the past.

Doesn’t matter. Still crap parenting. Parents need to find a different way to manage their stress. This is on them, not their child.

At 11pm, they had likely managed their stress all day already. They were likely hoping the toddler would go to sleep.

Twocheesychips Perfect was never an option but i coped because i was a 23 year old adult that didn't need a dummy. I could manage without having to ignore my children.
As for those judging for being a Military family, no doubt those that would judge wouldn't have the balls or the backbone to be part of that but sure as hell will demand our AF defend them when the shit hits the fan.

Totally agree. Once saw a baby, maybe 14-18 months, playing a game on mum’s phone really well - both horrified and
impressed at his skill. Mum was chatting then to her friend. Well, we all need a bit of peace and while the screen time at that age isn’t my idea of OK, it’s not my idea.

But when the mum was getting off the bus she took the phone and shoved it in her pocket and didn’t even look at her child or engage at all, never
mind say we are getting off the bus, mummy needs her phone back. Let’s go shopping or whatever they were doing. The child reacted as if this was normal. Sad times indeed

While I agree there's no golden age of parenting, I'm not sure we are at peak child centric any more. When I was going to baby and toddler groups with my oldest 11 years ago, parents were really involved with their kids. Almost everyone was down on the floor playing with them. Chatting to the other adults too but very much in the kids' spaces.

I went along with a friend recently and so many Mums sitting on the side on their phones. She said that is really standard at all the groups she goes to including the 'class' type ones where you're really meant to be interacting. Also toddlers being given phones to look at if they get bored of the toys. This is something but I'm not sure it's child centric, not really.

Ok, truth be told I've joined the thread late and not on top of the previous