Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

My children are home educated for this very reason, so yes my plan does work thanks :)

The “it’s just a small snapshot of their day” brigade know full well it's becoming alarmingly common behaviour for parents to ignore their kids, in favour of their phones. Or to hand their kids a screen so as not to disturb their scrolling etc.

Unless they never leave the house, never use public transport, never do the school run, never go to play parks or soft play and never enter cafes and restaurants.

Or maybe they do but it still doesn't enter their tiny minds that it's not a 'snapshot' they're seeing, they're seeing a rise in common neglectful behaviour.

It doesn't matter if mum and dad had a shit day or are tired, the baby doesn't understand that. My children are a bit older now but anytime they even looked for me or walked into a room, my phone went down. It's not that difficult.

I sat in a cafe the other week and watched a man completely ignore his child who was about 5. I'm not exaggerating when I say it brought a lump to my throat. The dad was sitting directly across from child, just the 2 of them, with a phone in front of his face for the entire time they were eating. The child looked so so sad and bored.

This

Would this feel different if the parent was engrossed in a book? Literary fiction?

Don't you think it's more neglectful to prevent a DC from getting sleep? Have you always done whatever your DC want? Were you up giving your DC your full attention at 11pm every day?

It's a huge problem....I'll admit sometimes have been guilty of getting abit bogged down in my phone whilst at home on the sofa, DH too, but I wouldn't ignore my kids completely whilst doing so, and i try to limit it to when they are having their TV programme time.When I'm out with them at say the park, or a toddler group etc they will have my full attention and phone would be in my bag.

Sadly I saw a dad on his phone the whole time with his daughter at the park the other day....and the worst thing was that at the point I arrived she was the only child there! Surely he could have put his phone away for abit just to give her some attention.Maybe you used to get it with parents focusing intently newspapers or books sometimes but definitely not to the same extent!

Obvioulsy probably not the case for this mum you saw, but it is hard when our phones are used for so much now....sometimes I'm doing necessary things such as searching for the kids clothes on vinted, uploading evidence for our UC childcare payments, messaging or emailing people about arrangements or making 'to do' notes!
But there still needs to be limits and I try to do it in the evening when I can.

I think most of us wouldn’t have a toddler out at 11pm at night. I certainly wouldn’t, and no not even ‘on holiday’ or a religious festival or whatever other nonsense someone will say. My parents would’ve have either.

Why would anyone feel different if the baby was being ignored for half an hour by a parent refusing to engage, just because they were reading a book?

It's shitty, neglectful behaviour regardless.

But if you had to be, for whatever unavoidable reason. You'd rather performance parent and prevent your DC from sleeping?

Absolutely correct. That's a very sad account

I think the "snapshot" argument is naive. Does anyone really doubt that there are plenty of parents out there who routinely ignore their children in favour of their phones?

Even mum's need a break.
Was the dad looking at some important manly content?

I literally just wouldn’t so I can’t answer that
never have never would

We have no idea whether the parent wanted their child to sleep or not.

All we know is the child was desperately trying to get her attention on a train at 11pm.

She needed comforting, not ignoring.

For the posters suggesting that maybe she was trying to get the baby to sleep, I did wonder this too. For about 5 seconds. And then I remembered that if I wanted an 18 month old to sleep at 11pm I'd put them in their cot with the lights out. Or hush them or cuddle them to sleep if we had to be out. Or at least recline the buggy, not have them sitting upright on a busy London Underground train at 11pm on a Saturday night.

In hindsight, the baby was probably too hot to sleep. It was trying to pull its hood off but failed and unfortunately the mother missed all this because she was so engrossed in her phone.

If youd been in a car accident you would teleport home? If your DC needed to go to A&E, you'd neglect them until the morning?

This. IF (not that I would) be out with toddler in pram at 11pm, I’d probably actually have them out the pram and hold them to sleep. Or I’d be stroking their head / arm/ leg and maybe singing to them quietly or something. Or I’d be narrating our journey.
OR is just sit and watch them, I have no need to be on my phone around my child,

why is that performance parenting?

Jesus, so you consider comforting a baby when they're tired, on a train at 11 o'clock at night 'performance parenting'?

That's even sadder than the OP's story to be fair.

I think we are getting a little ridiculous now 🤣🤣🤣

the lengths you ‘be kind’ brigade will go to to excuse shite behaviour is insane

You're right we have no idea, we weren't there. But its a pretty feasable explanation. But we'll ignore it, as judging a situation we don't know the details of makes us feel superior.

This. I think people who aRe triggered by this are really actually nervous that they’re a shite parent and everyone else knows it who sees it.

people forget they are being silently judged and rightly bloody so

How do you know what she was looking at?

🤣🤣🤣