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Original poster

Please, please, please put away your phones...

539 replies

User63859 · 22/03/2025 23:22

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

OP posts:
MerryBeret · 23/03/2025 00:02

11pm? Maybe they were trying not not give the child any attention so they would fall asleep?

Original poster
User63859 · 23/03/2025 00:02

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Would you judge someone if they were smacking their children in front of you? Or blowing cigarette smoke into their baby's face? Or screaming at their baby and swearing at them? I could go on...

OP posts:
MyLoyalBird · 23/03/2025 00:02

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DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:02

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Why not?

If no-one judged neglectful, selfish behaviour the world would be in an even worse state than it is now.

Themostlikely · 23/03/2025 00:03

Thisshirtisonfire · 22/03/2025 23:45

You have no idea tha context of what you saw. That's a few mins out of someone's life. Maybe they had got stuck somewhere and ended up travelling back late with their toddler.. exhausted and scrolling thru their phones to pass the time.
People can't stare doe eyed at their kids 24hrs a day. Ridiculous.
If you actually knew these people and saw that they were constantly on their phones then this is a fair enough statement.
But basically you've just looked at a couple of strangers and judged them so much based on very little info, that you've decided to make a social media post about it!
Personally I think this kind of mum shaming is even worse than parents being on their phones.
It's toxic.

Well there's 2 of you on here that think that, everyone else completely disagrees. Make of that what you will...

MyLoyalBird · 23/03/2025 00:03

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the7Vabo · 23/03/2025 00:03

MrsEverest · 22/03/2025 23:57

There have always been shit parents who don’t engage with their child. It’s extremely unlikely that they will change their ways because someone makes a melodramatic social media post begging them to. The flip side is of course parents do engage and there’s a raft of threads about ‘performance parenting’ because someone asked their kid what sound a cow makes whilst sitting on a train.

There’ll also be an aspect of just about everyone’s parenting that ‘saddens’ someone else…….

Disagree IMO phones bring it to an entirely new level. I’m a phone addict. I know it and everyone around me knows it. I spend average 6-7 hours a day on my phone -
early morning, evening, middle of the
night.

I really want to stop but it’s so hard, particularly as I have anxiety issues so I will
often use my phone as an escape from my thoughts.

i think I will I invest in a dumb phone as its the only way I think i will actually be able to cut myself off.

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:04

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Every primary school in my area has posters on the gates and in the playgrounds asking parents to 'Greet your child with a smile, not a mobile'.

That's how bad it's got, that parents have to literally be told to interact with their kids, when they've been at school for 6+ hours.

Londontown12 · 23/03/2025 00:05

I agree 100 %
Ive been out all day and phone only came out of my bag to pay for stuff !!
its a habit scrolling and its actually easier than u think to breaks the habit ! Just keep busy and leave your phone where it’s not distracting you !
Nothing is ever more important than your baby !!
I was lucky I had my 2 in 2000 and 2003 phones not used then like they are now thou !

Original poster
User63859 · 23/03/2025 00:06

@MyLoyalBird unfortunately now of the behaviours I listed in my previous post are illegal. Shocking isn't it?

OP posts:
Agapornis · 23/03/2025 00:06

Urgh I see parents/adults round here with noise cancelling headphones and pushchairs :\

That said, I also see dog owners doing the same - ignoring their dog. What's the bloody point of having a child or dog if you block them from both sight and mind?

zeddybrek · 23/03/2025 00:06

Totally agree OP.

Why are we so scared of admitting yes there are shit parents. Stop making excuses.

No matter how tired and drained you are, a small child should not be ignored. If anything doom scrolling is probably not best for a tired parents mental health. Or anyones really.

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:07

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Also it's 11pm and probably ramadom

I mean firstly it's not 'probably' Ramadan, it is Ramadan.

But what on God's earth would that have to do with a child being neglected on a train at 11pm?

LauderSyme · 23/03/2025 00:08

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Society is creating and storing up a terribly toxic and damaging culture for our children and young people with this constant internet access across all age groups.

Failing to judge can also be viewed as a collective failure of judgement.

Riversof0tter5 · 23/03/2025 00:10

Thisshirtisonfire · 22/03/2025 23:45

You have no idea tha context of what you saw. That's a few mins out of someone's life. Maybe they had got stuck somewhere and ended up travelling back late with their toddler.. exhausted and scrolling thru their phones to pass the time.
People can't stare doe eyed at their kids 24hrs a day. Ridiculous.
If you actually knew these people and saw that they were constantly on their phones then this is a fair enough statement.
But basically you've just looked at a couple of strangers and judged them so much based on very little info, that you've decided to make a social media post about it!
Personally I think this kind of mum shaming is even worse than parents being on their phones.
It's toxic.

She could still pat her child or tousle its hair.

MyLoyalBird · 23/03/2025 00:11

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MyLoyalBird · 23/03/2025 00:12

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Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:12

MerryBeret · 23/03/2025 00:02

11pm? Maybe they were trying not not give the child any attention so they would fall asleep?

This was my first thought. I sometimes ignore DC so they give in to sleep. We've really peaked when we're judging parents for not interacting with toddlers and preventing them from sleeping at 11pm!

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:12

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Again, can you explain what that has to do with completely ignoring a baby, trying desperately to get its mother's attention?

Mnetcurious · 23/03/2025 00:16

Totally agree. What a sad situation to witness. And in response to “it’s just a small snapshot of their day” brigade - I see as much or more ignoring of young children because the parent is absorbed in their phone than I witness engaged parents. So it’s very much more than a small portion of their day otherwise statistically I wouldn’t see it as frequently as I see interaction.

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:16

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:12

This was my first thought. I sometimes ignore DC so they give in to sleep. We've really peaked when we're judging parents for not interacting with toddlers and preventing them from sleeping at 11pm!

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I’d probably judge someone for having a toddler out at 11pm not gonna lie

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 00:19

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:28

Get a dumbphone honestly it will change ur life you can do this
phones are an addiction I applaud you for noticing you have an issue

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I’m curious what it would do, if I could. I feel stuck with mine, the things I do need it for online banking and the different apps that the school use to provide updates, etc. etc. Trying to stop using it is like being an alcoholic that has to carry a bottle of whiskey around.

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:21

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 00:19

I’m curious what it would do, if I could. I feel stuck with mine, the things I do need it for online banking and the different apps that the school use to provide updates, etc. etc. Trying to stop using it is like being an alcoholic that has to carry a bottle of whiskey around.

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I completely understand. Have you looked at a brand called lightphone? Google it. It’s more modern version designed by people who wanted there to be no way to bypass and get online. There’s simple map and that’s about it.
for banking etc have a laptop you only use for a designated time in the evenings after kids are asleep.

Ponoka7 · 23/03/2025 00:21

Signetsarah · 22/03/2025 23:38

Does nobody think like what the hell jobs these iPad kids are gonna do? What is their future? It is absolutely terrifying. My child won’t be having a phone until they turn 16. They are primary school age and have never been given my phone, we don’t have laptops or an iPad. It’s not a brag but it’s sensible.
i can’t believe people sit around at home on phones and iPads eating not saying a word it’s so fucked up :(

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My grandchildren, in primary have to do homework online, so your plan won't work.
My generation got their legs smacked and our mothers would read or knit etc on the bus. We wouldn't dare disturb fathers.
Parents gave never been more involved in their children's lives. My could still play out, at primary age, they didn't get the homework or after school activities my GC do. I didn't have to attend 'inspire' days etc, like I do for my GC (I'm my DD's childcare). There's always been bad parents, but you can't judge from a snapshot.

GoBackToTheStart · 23/03/2025 00:24

Thisshirtisonfire · 22/03/2025 23:45

You have no idea tha context of what you saw. That's a few mins out of someone's life. Maybe they had got stuck somewhere and ended up travelling back late with their toddler.. exhausted and scrolling thru their phones to pass the time.
People can't stare doe eyed at their kids 24hrs a day. Ridiculous.
If you actually knew these people and saw that they were constantly on their phones then this is a fair enough statement.
But basically you've just looked at a couple of strangers and judged them so much based on very little info, that you've decided to make a social media post about it!
Personally I think this kind of mum shaming is even worse than parents being on their phones.
It's toxic.

Babies don't care that their parents have had a hard day. They don't understand that concept. What they do care about is being ignored. It's basically a modern-day manifestation of the Still Face Experiment, en masse - we know it is damaging for children to be ignored by their care givers when they are looking for interaction. "I've had a hard day" is, frankly, not a good enough excuse.