To think it’s wrong to go on holiday without DC

[Pinkdreams]

I keep seeing on Facebook women going on holiday multiple times a year, leaving their young DC at home, this isn’t just one person it’s multiple, as a mother I couldn’t stand the thought of being in a different country to my child, what if something happened? Is it just me? Is this the norm?

I knew you would get piled on OP and I think some of these posters are pretty nasty to quote your previous posts , you are allowed an opinion .

I think it’s become normal now. I don’t get it if I’m honest, it’s not for me -I’m not envious of those that do either . I don’t think it’s wrong, but I do raise an eyebrow when some women go on 5 x holidays per year at times when their kids need them ( seen it happen and feel sorry for the kids ) .The ones that go away a lot / nights out ALL the time are selfish and in my experience and their kids know it and do notice it. The odd holiday, I don’t see an issue with .

Pious is a good word for it. Or being a martyr. And a bit superior and scathing. And only referring to mothers, it seems fine for fathers to gallivant off anywhere they wish.

I always "left my children" for breaks away with friends or DH as soon as I was no longer breastfeeding - around 9 months - 1 year for the first. Why? Well because I wanted to, and because they had grandparents who were delighted to have them and who we trusted 100%.

Being with your children all the time and not leaving them ever overnight does not make you a better mother as the OP seems to think. You could argue that never allowing your child to have the experience of being away from you makes them clingy and over-dependent, not giving them any self-reliance or the ability to cope easily with sleepovers and school residential trips.

I personally wouldn't leave young children for more than a weekend. Young children wouldn't choose to be apart from their mum for a week, given the option. Teens who can actively say yay/nay, it's fine. I wouldn't have cared as a teen, providing ittl wasn't an exam period, and I was left with some ready meals.

I hate people judging women but here we are.

But since when do kids get to dictate what their parents do?

I'm in a different country to my DC right now! You know what I would do if 'something happened'? Fly home.

you are so right, OP. All parents share one hive mind and we all feel the same about losing precous seconds with our DCs.

Well, I suppose it depends how you do it.

good = leaving them with grandparents, or some trusted adult, with all sorts of emergency plans in place

bad = leaving them behind alone with a box pack of Marlborough lights and a 24 of Budweiser

Me and my husband are having a few days away without our kids in a few weeks. It's an activity that they have no interest in (we've tried and I don't want to force it). We have no family help nearby so go out the two of us a couple of times a year. I do feel guilty for leaving them, and I'll miss them...but desperately need some time off. We work full time and weekends and evenings are all about family activities, it's rare we do anything just for us. If 'something happens' my in laws are more than capable of dealing with it, we can support over the phone, and if not we will find a way to come back

They don't generally, but they do in the sense they dictate your decisions because you do what's best for them. I wouldn't think it was best for my 9 month old baby to be without me for a week whilst I'm off on a girls holiday. Children are part of the household and should be shown some respect and allowed an opinion. I wouldn't leave a 13yo teen who expressed they'd feel really hurt or anxious to be excluded from a holiday. Some kids are more sensitive.

When my girl is a bit older (say 3) I wouldn't want to go on holiday somewhere abroad for a full week without her. She's my family and I want her with me. I want to know that if she has a nightmare at night, I'll be there. I want to know that if she's really sick, I won't be stuck in another country.

I don't care if other people go on holiday without their kids, I just don't wanna do it. I don't personally get why you'd have a beach/pool holiday without your kid either, but each to their own. You can always do it when they're an adult.

My mother did that with her boyfriend and we didn't feel negatively until they took her boyfriends son one year. That was the time it made an impact. The pictures of her with him playing happy families didn't go down well. I went away a couple of time when mine were young, I don't think they hold grudges..😉

Not gonna be judgey about women who do, but if I'm getting to go on holiday I want to be with my Dh and DC, I want to spend that time with them.
DC are grown and have left home and we foster and yes they come on every holiday with us.
Personally no-one I know well does this, male or female and I always think it's weird that women jump to the ' what about men? Can they do it?' My DH has no desire to go abroad with mates/alone, says he doesnt see the desire!
Each to their own but also OP is being told she's judgemental by people who are being just as judgemental!

Oh @Mush62 love, had a bad night did you, all those ladies having fun without their children and husbands?? Touched a nerve did it?

Women wanting time away from being a mum, if they can afford it why not? We are not still linked by the umbilical cord

We do at least one per year with DC - and one is always a sun holiday/all inclusive set up of the kind that they love, and that is also a great set up with DC who like to snack and all have different food preferences.

Plus a shorter city break or two for just me and DH. It’s perfect. I love being away with the DC but it is also pretty hard work travelling with them at times, and dealing with the day to day teen stuff and bickering between them, and it was even harder when they were young and needed to be entertained on the plane. My marriage is important to me as well as my role as a mother, and it’s lovely to have a child free break and come home feeling refreshed!

I’ve never done a “girls holiday” but certainly don’t judge women who do, why would I?! Nobody is making you leave your DC OP, so why worry about it?

Maybe they have an identity outside of being a mum.

Have a drink last night did we @mush62
😂😂

You need to think about why people have done this, my love. You have started a thread that you MUST have known was criticising many many members in the most personal, horrible way - criticising us as parents.

Yet you are shocked that people have responded with aggression? Don't you see your first post was an aggressive act?

You need to understand that actions like this will have consequences. And maybe try to work out why your started the thread in the first place, if you were not, in fact, seeking conflict. A counsellor or therapist could potentially help. Good luck.

Think you need to grow up a little bit!

A really nice thoughtful post

Each to their own, but from the children’s perspective, certainly mine hated me going away on courses etc, so I never went away unnecessarily while they were little.

I was of the opinion that I was the primary attachment figures and small children need their primary attachment figure. You don’t see animals in the wild buggering off for a mini break while they have dependent young.

But that was just how I felt and I’m not bothered what others do. I did ask my children as they got older whether it would have bothered them, and it was a definite yes.

Once they got to high school, I started going away with a friend, usually to France.

You don’t see animals in the wild buggering off for a mini break while they have dependent young.

What an analogy

Parenting isn’t some magic zone that’s off-limits to criticism, though.

And no where did this poster even remotely imply that

Yes, you don’t see a cheetah heading off on a hen party, but you sure as hell don’t generally see humans engaging in filial cannibalism.

Indeed

hence me thinking it was a daft analogy