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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Julimia · 22/03/2025 20:29

Would agree with DH here. Live and let live. Nothing to do with respect but lots to do with self -respect. This of course is everyone's own problem.

CleverButScatty · 22/03/2025 20:41

Soontobe60 · 22/03/2025 14:00

Would you feel the same if the person were topless? Or crotchless?

She wasn't topless or crotchless, so that is irrelevant...

MooFroo · 22/03/2025 20:46

Well done for raising it and shame on the staff for not taking it seriously!

i hate going swimming with people who have their bits out - no need at all for it and no place at a kids swimming session! They absolutely should have a dress code so thanks for taking a stand!

ilovesooty · 22/03/2025 20:50

I really don't care what other women choose to wear and I don't see why their choices need to be policed.

farmlife2 · 22/03/2025 21:05

I think it's crass and unnecessary but if the pool allows it, not much you can do.

PissOffJeffrey · 22/03/2025 21:06

I support nudity in a controlled environment such as this. It shows kids that normal is a massive range of things before puberty.

Merely viewing buttocks is now abusive or inappropriate.

Blinkingbonkers · 22/03/2025 21:10

I’d love to know what everyone would think if a bloke started prancing round the pool in just a thong.

Livelovebehappy · 22/03/2025 21:15

Upto her if she wants to look like a twat, whose poor child, if she was there with one, must have been beyond mortified. But I wouldn’t complain. If the pool staff thought it inappropriate, they would have approached her when she was there, but clearly they must have thought it was fine.

Matronic6 · 22/03/2025 21:15

I would certainly be surprised someone would wear something like that to a UK pool, I wouldn't have given it much thought let alone complained.

But I don't think people would be as accepting if a man or a trans woman went into the pool I'm a thong bikini.

PlasticBags · 22/03/2025 21:15

MooFroo · 22/03/2025 20:46

Well done for raising it and shame on the staff for not taking it seriously!

i hate going swimming with people who have their bits out - no need at all for it and no place at a kids swimming session! They absolutely should have a dress code so thanks for taking a stand!

Maybe everyone could wear full-length wetsuits to toddler swimming so little Ottillie can go a few more years without realising adults have buttocks.

Skippydoodle · 22/03/2025 21:18

Wow. Go you! NOT

Stravaig · 22/03/2025 21:19

It's cheap and trashy. A wholesale internalisation, not just of the male gaze, but of porn culture. So dim-witted they're oblivious to what they're doing. Terrible role modelling for any children too.

Well done for speaking to the staff!

Skippydoodle · 22/03/2025 21:19

Soontobe60 · 22/03/2025 14:00

Would you feel the same if the person were topless? Or crotchless?

But they were not topless or crotchless, so that is a completely moot point.

MidwichCuckoo · 22/03/2025 21:28

ELMhouse · 22/03/2025 18:04

But when you go swimming aren’t women naked in changing rooms in front of kids. I know I’ve been in plenty with my children with women getting dressed. It doesn’t bother them and why should it!

my best friend is Finnish and she finds it hilarious how weird Brits are over nudity, when she was younger she tells me you just got used to seeing naked bodies (mainly in saunas - men and women) and body shaming is just not a thing! I like the way that sounds (although I would never dare to be naked in a sauna!) 😛

Different cultures have different ideas about what's appropriate to wear in different settings. Your friend would probably faint if she realised that some cultures cover up even more than the British. 😮

GreatGardenstuff · 22/03/2025 21:28

Perfect opportunity to teach your DD that pointing at or commenting on other people’s appearance is extremely bad manners.

chaosmaker · 22/03/2025 21:29

CunningLinguist1 · 22/03/2025 14:43

You know what isn’t pretty or appropriate?
Women bodyshaming other women. There was no “full nudity” and staff told you there was no issue.

Lack of costume shaming is NOT a thing. Not sure where you read any body shaming.

Reading skills are good to have.

brunettemic · 22/03/2025 21:31

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

How was I body shaming her? I didn’t comment on whether she had a nice body or not, I said her choice of attire was completely inappropriate.

Except it wasn’t, it met the rules of the establishment you were in, which you confirmed. You just don’t agree with it and for some reason don’t know what full nudity is.

LadeOde · 22/03/2025 21:33

ilovesooty · 22/03/2025 14:07

It's not the same thing. Both sexes have buttocks.

So you'll be alright with men's buttocks on show at a pool for children then, probably wearing things too?

DearGoldBee · 22/03/2025 21:36

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:41

I like the idea above of images up of acceptable swimwear. I think I’m going to email their head office with this as a constructive suggestion. I probably won’t get anywhere, but there’s no harm in trying.

You sound like you couldn't have less going on in your own life, it's quite sad.

mediumdicketh · 22/03/2025 21:40

if i didnt hav skintags from prgnancy i would also be parading my butt off

mediumdicketh · 22/03/2025 21:43

i wouldnt mind dntal floss and nippl tassls

Boymum2104 · 22/03/2025 21:48

Complaining to head office? Is this real? Ffs 😂

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 21:49

Boymum2104 · 22/03/2025 21:48

Complaining to head office? Is this real? Ffs 😂

of course it isn’t. It’s the famous Mumsnet thong pervert.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 22/03/2025 22:00

I agree with you. Swimming pools aren't the place.
I don't know if it's a cultural thing with some countries but it's inappropriate imo.