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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
MikeRafone · 22/03/2025 17:24

what do you do when you go into the changing rooms and people take off their costumes after showering? Your dc are going to see naked woman in the changing area so what is the difference if they have a thing on in the swimming area?

Whycanineverthinkofone · 22/03/2025 17:25

So a recent thread discussed a poster not “allowing” her adult dd to wear a thong bikini on holiday.

general comments were overwhelmingly that o/p was right and if the dd wanted to come on holiday she could leave the arse cheek display at home.

so are we double standards here? It’s ok for a stranger to walk around with their butts out but not our DD’s?

those of you with a dd, would you allow them to wear a thong at a family pool session?

ElbowsUpRising · 22/03/2025 17:26

Unless you could see her sphincter ywbu. Bet you gave the staff a right laugh.

Bobnobob · 22/03/2025 17:26

I think there would be a fairly different response on appropriateness depending on the woman’s figure (which fair play the OP has not alluded to). A pert slim bum in a g-string vs a large saggy cellulite ridden bum. Either way I would agree that some people might prefer that the bum was more covered and I would be in support of the swimming pool having some ground rules.

ElbowsUpRising · 22/03/2025 17:27

Whycanineverthinkofone · 22/03/2025 17:25

So a recent thread discussed a poster not “allowing” her adult dd to wear a thong bikini on holiday.

general comments were overwhelmingly that o/p was right and if the dd wanted to come on holiday she could leave the arse cheek display at home.

so are we double standards here? It’s ok for a stranger to walk around with their butts out but not our DD’s?

those of you with a dd, would you allow them to wear a thong at a family pool session?

I’d rather she didn’t but ultimately she’s an adult and it’s up to her. I wouldn’t say anything to her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Smallmercies · 22/03/2025 17:28

Whycanineverthinkofone · 22/03/2025 17:25

So a recent thread discussed a poster not “allowing” her adult dd to wear a thong bikini on holiday.

general comments were overwhelmingly that o/p was right and if the dd wanted to come on holiday she could leave the arse cheek display at home.

so are we double standards here? It’s ok for a stranger to walk around with their butts out but not our DD’s?

those of you with a dd, would you allow them to wear a thong at a family pool session?

My family knows not to stare rudely at other people's bodies, so yes.

Smallmercies · 22/03/2025 17:30

I feel fortunate to have the special power to avert my eyes from things I don't wish to look at.

Differentstarts · 22/03/2025 17:30

You need to teach your child not to point and be judgemental its rude

Yousay55 · 22/03/2025 17:31

I wouldn’t wear something like that as I’d look awful, but it wouldn’t bother me too much is someone else did. I think swimming clothes like that look better on a sunny beach.

Doingmybestbut · 22/03/2025 17:31

I would silently judge her and probably also with my face but I wouldn’t make a complaint. I don’t really see how it affects you.

Iloveyoubut · 22/03/2025 17:32

Ok Mumsnet! This is real! This happened and 2+2 is whatever you say it is! Got it!

BumWormFatigue · 22/03/2025 17:32

Smallmercies · 22/03/2025 17:22

I think she means she gets weetabix on her cheeks.

What?? Using her bum as a plate for Weetabix? Stranger by the minute 😂 Or are "Weetabix" a euphemism I'm not familiar with? I'm so lost 😂.

LoveItaly · 22/03/2025 17:33

DDDSSF223 · 22/03/2025 17:14

"You sound jealous" - the bastion comment of the "liberals" who accept anything to be "in"

And who want to shut down debate.

ThriveAT · 22/03/2025 17:34

I do think it's inappropriate but I wouldn't have complained to the staff as they don't set the policies.

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 17:36

Iloveyoubut · 22/03/2025 17:32

Ok Mumsnet! This is real! This happened and 2+2 is whatever you say it is! Got it!

Crazy isn’t it? Poo trolls & thong trolls

Busyquaver1 · 22/03/2025 17:37

Redpeach · 22/03/2025 17:17

So if bum cheeks are so non sexual, would you be happy for a 14 year old daughter to wear a thong bikini to the local pool

But am not talking about a teen am I? a teen can easily be misled and taken advantage off by people that see it as sexual, we are talking about an adult!

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Iloveyoubut · 22/03/2025 17:38

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 17:36

Crazy isn’t it? Poo trolls & thong trolls

Yup! I need to gaslight myself harder!

Redpeach · 22/03/2025 17:38

Busyquaver1 · 22/03/2025 17:37

But am not talking about a teen am I? a teen can easily be misled and taken advantage off by people that see it as sexual, we are talking about an adult!

Ah so people may see it as sexual

Iloveyoubut · 22/03/2025 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes! And I’m calling this out and it’s MY posts that are being deleted here! There’s two of us though so I feel better!

thestudio · 22/03/2025 17:40

CunningLinguist1 · 22/03/2025 16:53

Asked & answered: she wears what she’s comfortable with.
As she is entirely within her right to.

She’s within her rights, sure.

That doesn’t mean that’s all there is to it.

I’m within my rights to say you are a handmaiden to the patriarchy.

Doesnt mean I should. 😉

CorbyTrouserPress · 22/03/2025 17:40

Redpeach · 22/03/2025 17:38

Ah so people may see it as sexual

Noooooo it’s definitely just for comfort or empowerment or some other bullshit. I assume her toddler was wearing one aswell, as it’s totally normal and definitely not inappropriate at a toddler swimming session.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/03/2025 17:41

I probably would have second glanced but definitely wouldn't mention it to staff.

Butchyrestingface · 22/03/2025 17:41

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:54

Jealous of not walking around wearing something which shows everyone what I had for breakfast? Absolutely not

You sound just like MY mum ... who'd be in her 80s now if she were still around. 😀