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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
thestudio · 22/03/2025 16:25

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 22/03/2025 16:22

Yes, but most liberal cultures have discarded the idea of dictating women’s clothing choices on the basis of “modesty”

Wearing a thong swimsuit doesn’t mean a woman has “internalised misogyny” and is doing it for “arousing the male gaze” It also isn’t “oppression” to wear a thong if you feel like it.

You think we opt for anal-string in a vacuum? Just woke up one day and all decided simultaneously 'mmm let's chafe'?

If internalised social pressure wasn't a thing, capitalism would implode. It's how all societies function, to one degree or another. You sound foolish when you deny that.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 22/03/2025 16:26

Cheeseandpickleisthebestsandwich · 22/03/2025 16:15

Sorry pressed too soon - the desire to avoid tan lines if in the sun, but clearly not a factor here. And very few people who wear them seem to have taken an objective look at their rear view to consider whether their bare arse is truly a thing of beauty for others to behold.

So if you’re ugly then what? It’s a burkini for you? Isn’t that oppressive to police what women wear based on how close they are to a male established beauty standard?

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2025 16:27

thestudio · 22/03/2025 16:10

No, most cultures have social mores around appropriate clothing.

I do like how the pro-anal-strings posters on this thread are pitching this as a civill liberties issue, rather than proof that women have internalised
misogynist pressure to be sexually appealing at all times to such a degree that there's literally nowhere, even at their child's swimming lesson, that they aren't objectifying themselves from within their own bodies to ensure they are sufficiently arousing to the male gaze.

This is why women break down - this kind of self-policing, where women have been coopted into their own oppression, makes them simultaneously the subject and object of their own gaze. It splits the self.

Devastating really - not only have things not improved since the 80s when I was in my teens, they've got worse.

Edited

I doubt it's as deep as that. It's far more likely that the offending swimwear was the only type she had, having bought it to avoid tan lines on holiday. I doubt anyone at a Village fitness suite is desperate for the male gaze. David Lloyd clubs, on the other hand, I've heard they're a hotbed of iniquity.

TicklishReader · 22/03/2025 16:28

Funnywonder · 22/03/2025 16:16

All excellent adjectives to describe a confident person.

And criticize women.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 22/03/2025 16:28

@thestudio
Obviously women are buying thongs because they like them. If they didn’t like them, they wouldn’t be buying them. It’s not like they are the only swimwear on offer. Oh and internalised social pressure exists with and without capitalism, at least I am not so foolish as you to drop asinine comments about capitalism that demonstrate you have no idea what you are talking about.

VisitationRights · 22/03/2025 16:29

I think there are a lot of disingenuous posts, if a man rocked up at the pool in a Borat style outfit or am sure plenty would say it was inappropriate.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 22/03/2025 16:30

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2025 16:27

I doubt it's as deep as that. It's far more likely that the offending swimwear was the only type she had, having bought it to avoid tan lines on holiday. I doubt anyone at a Village fitness suite is desperate for the male gaze. David Lloyd clubs, on the other hand, I've heard they're a hotbed of iniquity.

I agree, she’s apparently seeking to arouse the male gaze at a mum and toddler swim group? 😂🤣

Crazyladee · 22/03/2025 16:30

JessK98 · 22/03/2025 15:32

@Raven25 I believe you are referring to me. My friend who is a member here sent me this link and I’ve had to sign up to respond.

Village Gym in Basingstoke?

You didn’t take issue with some of the other parents wearing next to nothing, is that because they were bigger than I am? I wear what is comfortable for me, and I wasn’t prancing around at all, I was sorting out a water bottle and thought I’d left something in the changing rooms.

It’s a bit insulting that you decided to complain, but the girls on the reception are lovely and I’m glad they didn’t take any notice.

Feel free to say hi to me if you are going next Saturday xx

So can you answer some of the things people are presuming on here? Do you have a cracking bod and were you "prancing"? 😆

ItGhoul · 22/03/2025 16:31

Oh, grow up and get a grip. Your child isn’t going to die because it sees someone’s bum.

Thingymajigii · 22/03/2025 16:31

@Raven25 I don’t think you’re being that unreasonable. Thongs are banned in the swimming pools and spa at David Lloyd for a reason.
I agree with others that it’s a form of exhibitionism, which is just gross. I also believe that if the person were male or overweight, there would likely be more complaints.

thestudio · 22/03/2025 16:31

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2025 16:27

I doubt it's as deep as that. It's far more likely that the offending swimwear was the only type she had, having bought it to avoid tan lines on holiday. I doubt anyone at a Village fitness suite is desperate for the male gaze. David Lloyd clubs, on the other hand, I've heard they're a hotbed of iniquity.

Ha! Just to be clear - it's inequity, not iniquity, that I deplore😁

Thingymajigii · 22/03/2025 16:33

@JessK98 You would be asked to leave or change at the David Lloyd

IlooklikeNigella · 22/03/2025 16:33

She wasn't naked in any way. She could have been from Brazil or somewhere that thong bikinis are entirely the norm.

To be honest, I wouldn't like it but only because I I would be jealous (but I'd admit that to myself).

Redpeach · 22/03/2025 16:33

The 'don't look' argument is ridiculous

MarioLink · 22/03/2025 16:34

I would have told DC she'd forgot her bikini bottoms and got on with swimming. Not really appropriate and you are totally within your rights to complain if you wish, if you aren't happy with their response you could send an e-mail to head office. I wouldn't worry about my kids seeing that though. My younger one would find it funny and my older one would think she was making a very poor fashion choice.

juicylipbalm · 22/03/2025 16:37

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:41

I like the idea above of images up of acceptable swimwear. I think I’m going to email their head office with this as a constructive suggestion. I probably won’t get anywhere, but there’s no harm in trying.

So unbelievably weird

Whycanineverthinkofone · 22/03/2025 16:38

VisitationRights · 22/03/2025 16:29

I think there are a lot of disingenuous posts, if a man rocked up at the pool in a Borat style outfit or am sure plenty would say it was inappropriate.

Well yes exactly. I’d like to see the responses to a thread where a dad in a kids swim lesson chooses a borat tankini.

i mean most men and women object to Speedos on men as “too revealing” if all the threads on French swimming pools are to be believed.

Yellow2024 · 22/03/2025 16:39

Op i agree with you, it's inappropriate.

If a man was wearing a thong in a swimming pool everyone would be up in arms and wouldn't be saying it's just buttocks then!

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2025 16:41

juicylipbalm · 22/03/2025 16:37

So unbelievably weird

Is it? I may not agree with OP but if there are to be cheek coverage standards then an infographic is the perfect way to display them.

CunningLinguist1 · 22/03/2025 16:41

Bbq1 · 22/03/2025 15:21

Yanbu. Nobody wants to see a woman's genitalia emerging from a too small costume🤮 Especially not at a family swim on a Saturday morning! It's ridiculous because if a man had his genitals uncovered he'd be kicked out. What's the difference?

Her genitals were not uncovered!

Smallmercies · 22/03/2025 16:42

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

The jealous comments - can someone please elaborate on what it is I am jealous of exactly? I’d love to know. My DH loves my figure but I don’t feel the need to parade it at a kids swimming class.

All your talk about prancing and parading is very demeaning and misogynist. Perhaps you shouldn't have kept staring at her?

Californianpoppy · 22/03/2025 16:43

Funnywonder · 22/03/2025 16:16

All excellent adjectives to describe a confident person.

Or a pony.

Justsaywhatyoumean123 · 22/03/2025 16:43

Some people aren't ashamed of their bodies. I know it's shocking!

LucyBee0ox · 22/03/2025 16:44

YANBU. That’s so rank.

Redpeach · 22/03/2025 16:46

Justsaywhatyoumean123 · 22/03/2025 16:43

Some people aren't ashamed of their bodies. I know it's shocking!

What's shame got to do with it

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