To think 42 is too old for a baby?

[UnknownClam]

Posting under a NC for this as I know it might be controversial, but I need to get this off my chest.

A friend of mine has just announced she’s TTC at 42. She already has two DC (youngest is 10) and has suddenly decided she “really wants one last baby.” I know it’s her life, her choice, but I can’t help but feel like it’s too old.

I had my last DC at 38, and even then, I found the sleepless nights brutal. I can’t imagine doing it in my 40s. Also, by the time the child is a teen, she’ll be in her late 50s! And I hate to say it, but the risks of pregnancy complications and things like Down’s syndrome are much higher at that age.

She asked me what I thought, and I just smiled and said, “That’s exciting!” because I didn’t want to be rude. But deep down, I feel like it’s a bit selfish. AIBU? Would love to hear from anyone who had a baby in their 40s how was it?

Be gentle! Not trying to be a cow, just genuinely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way.

Duh... I was mirroring the superior tone to your own comment. Go over your head did it! 🤣

I commented to say for me it would be too old given I started out young, answering the point of this thread. Personally for me 40’s would be too old. You felt the need to have a dig. Pathetic.

Oh yay, another post demonising having a child with Down's Syndrome 🙄

I'm pretty sure your friend will have considered all the risks and challenges and decided to go ahead. It's not your place to say anything other than be supportive of her choice.

Oh the irony! 🤣

I had my second baby 4 months before my 42nd birthday. She was truly a miracle, in perfect health and the joy of my life (my first one as well , of course). Yes, with hindsight, I would have started to have babies at least 5 years earlier but you only get to live once, and I can't go back and start again. I'm sure I'd have found it easier too if I had been younger but I can't compare. I don't know what the future holds but I'm trying to take care of myself so I can last the distance. Good luck to your friend.

I did it. I now feel guilty and selfish.

This in spades. ^ You're right. There is such a nasty snobbery on this board (from some) when it comes to women having children at a young age. Like they are less worthy, more 'common,' badly educated, a bit thick, probably come from a council estate.' 🙄

I was 29-31-ish when I had my 2, but would honestly rather have had them at 19 to 25 years old than at 42+. Couldn't think of anything worse to be honest. JMO, but I can't imagine being saddled with school age children when I'm 50, and teenagers when I'm 60. And as I said, with the way the world is today, you could well have children still living at home when you're 70! Errr, no thanks!

There are more advantages to having children young(er) than having them old(er.) IMO.

Only one post from the OP.

She gotcha!

I had a baby 6 weeks ago, and I'm 42. He's my 6th, and I started having children in my 20's. I can honestly say my recovery this time has been far easier and quicker than any of my others. I'm handling the night wakings much better than ever before, and though I've always been a laid back, what will be will be kind of parent, this time I definitely feel like I'm taking everything in my stride.

Risk wise, my numbers were less than most of the other mums to be in my group and pregnancy was easy.

I'm sure your concerns come from a good place, but I think they're unnecessarily pessimistic. You could try to be supportive of your friend in her choices.

Methinks you right!

No, she's really not the only one who feels this way. Most people are nervous about rocking the boat and keep their mouths shut is all.

Our bodies are designed to reproduce a good 20 years younger than than. Older mums are one of the main reasons we've got fertility issues now as a society due to much reduced fertility after 40. Much higher rate of birth defect. A baby at 43 means an 18 year old at 61. Much less likelihood of grandparents being as involved because they'll be in their 80s.

I mean, if it's your only chance for a baby fair enough. But as a choice? Not optimum.

Hurrah for a common sense speaker ! Nice to see it without all the compulsory pretzling "sorry for this opinion" prefixes.

Nah, not trying to be a cow. But you are, effortlessly.

Having kids whilst being a teen shouldn't be encouraged as most are still in education/finding out who they are.
What's wrong with having kids in your 20s if you have a place to stay, a stable job and a stable relationship?
Do you think your better than mums who had their kids in their 20s? FYI your not and your attitude stinks

You literally insulted older mums, when you yourself had a child far outside the norm, what do you expect really?

I was 42 when I found out I was finally pregnant after a long journey to parenthood. The preceding year was given-up-trying-but-not-actively-preventing-the-possibility. I was 43 when I gave birth. The 2 chief detractors were GP - who alleged that 'the practice' considered a second pregnancy would be 'unwise' and a fellow local parent - mid 30s and looked exhausted and more naturally grey than I did after her rapid second pregnancy.

42 is not old, I handled it all with immense happiness and was the definition of 40 is the new 30. Go for it.

NB I did only have one but not because a shitty GP pretended 'the practice' has discussed my 'case'.

Currently, I am a parent to 19 at 62. There is zip, zilch, nada, no difference at all to a ten yrs younger parent. I'm even still the mum with the least grey hair of the over 50 crowd locally.

How is it selfish to become a parent when you have enough money to finance it comfortably?

I’d say it totally depends on the person! The age gap would give me more pause than the age - for example if a woman had babies at 37 and 40 and wanted a third at 42 I think that would be easier than someone who’s had babies at 25 and 28 and was going back to the beginning at 42! But whatever works for each individual!

If it's too old for you don't have one! It's not too old for me (currently 41 and pregnant) I was busy changing the world and building a career in my 20s/30s and then I didn't meet a worthy man until 37. Life is different for everybody. Mind your own uterus and don't stress yourself out thinking of others dear.

I was 21 having my first and I found the sleepless nights brutal. I’m 27 now and I’m (apparently) perfectly physically healthy, expecting my 2nd, but this pregnancy has been brutal.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with age. My work colleague is pregnant at the same gestation as me but she’s 37…she’s springing around happily being Mother Earth, meanwhile I’m womping around like a broken sloth.

@FunnysInLaJardin my mum had me at 43 too ☺️

I had my only baby at 42 - a week before my 43rd birthday. She is now a teen and yes, that makes me in my late 50s! It's been - and is - absolutely fine!

I was much more confident in myself at 42 than I was even five years earlier and felt I had more life experience so I personally think I've been better as an older mother than I would have been when I was younger!

If you want to and have the energy go for it. I have just had my second ds at 40. Still on the fence about a third. Kids think their parents are ancient whatever age they are. My mum had me at 21 but I never saw her as a young parent growing up!

To each their own!

My mum had me when she was 20 and went on to have another 3 before she was 30. She loved/loves being a 'young mum' and wouldn't change it for anything.

For me personally, I was far too selfish and immature to have or want kids in my 20's. I was in a relationship with my first husband from age 22 to 36 and he couldn't have kids so it was just never in the 'plan' but I was too busy travelling and building my career to even think about it anyway. I didn't see myself ever having children.

I got together with now DH after I split from my first husband and my entire outlook on life changed. I found myself pregnant at 37 with DD1 and am now days from giving birth to DD2 at age 42. I have no regrets and wouldn't change my little family for the world.

Everyone's timeline in life is different and what works for one may not work for another. If only everyone would stop judging other people so much for their own life choices - it doesn't affect me if someone I know has kids at 17 or at 45, it's literally none of my business. If they are happy then that's all that matters.