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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cafe humiliation

398 replies

Skyview7 · 21/03/2025 20:26

Took my DD (hardworking mum to my 2 DGC) for lunch in a very nice local cafe (pink tea pots, fresh roses on the tables) as a treat.
Lunch menu looked nice. We ordered and I asked if I could just check if my salad could be gluten free. At this the waitress asked if I was choosing or actually coeliac. I am in fact, coeliac and she said then informed me that I would need to sign something first. Honestly, I thought it was a joke but she came back with a large clipboard and an A4 sheet of paper and pen and asked me to have it signed by the time she returned; she was not going to take the order until this was done.
I sat staring at the paperwork wondering of this was for real. The paperwork was a disclaimer that if the cafe should inadvertantly slip me anything gluten laden then they would keep this piece of paper with my "consent" at the risks therein.
Several ladies having tea and lunches were staring at me and DD when the waitress came back; she was astonished that I hadn't signed their form yet. I just wanted to have a nice salad lunch with my daughter to treat her without having some jobsworth make me out to be some sort of liability to them. DD said it had sucked the good vibe right out and she was absolutely right.
So the waitress then asked why I wouldn't sign. I had to explain (calmly but upset) that I had hoped for kinder and far more inclusive customer service instead of singling me out and making me "other" whilst their diners looked on wondering why I was having to sign their paperwork before anyone was willing to serve us. She said, no, it's not like that - but I had to explain again that their paperwork was not to caring for the customer it was them covering their back against me if they were to make a mistake. Although I previously liked the cafe very much, DD and I left.
I'm a woman of the world and a solo traveller too. I have a happy go lucky nature but today...I really felt humiliated. AIBU?

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 21/03/2025 21:45

It seems a bit OTT. Bit of they've a tiny kitchen they can't guarantee cross contamination so I suppose that's their solution? To me either you serve it safely or not and shouldn't bring out reams of forms.

Veronay · 21/03/2025 21:46

I've had this (also coeliac) it's so fucking cringey. As you've said it's already enough faff to have ti request gluten free, then to be made to feel like you'll sue them. Like just don't throw wheat into my food it's not hard.

ARO0607 · 21/03/2025 21:46

Also, I would remind people that leaving shitty reviews can be detrimental to small businesses.

BlondiePortz · 21/03/2025 21:47

I have no idea where the humiliation bit comes from, sure you dont have to sign the form but you made it more complicated than it needed to be

EmiliaRuusuvuori · 21/03/2025 21:47

I saw a family have to sign something like this in a Stonehouse carvery.

hairquery · 21/03/2025 21:47

Wonder what the Coeliac Society would make of this? Might be worth sharing to see if is a rising practice in eateries. Not good!

xsammi · 21/03/2025 21:48

I have allergies that will kill me. I've never been asked to sign something. I wouldn't. I'd just leave.

Anyone who needs you to sign a disclaimer has no confidence in their kitchen to avoid cross-contamination, so it's a shit kitchen with shit staff in it. I don't want to eat crap food!

ButterCrackers · 21/03/2025 21:48

They either do gluten free or not. No form required for you to sign. I’d not go back there again. Explain your experience on their reviews. No one that needs gluten free will go there.

Manxexile · 21/03/2025 21:48

Quitelikeit · 21/03/2025 20:38

It would have done you no harm to sign the form

I bet you are glad that there are now processes and protections in place for people with allergies right?

So then don’t complain when those processes come with additional precautions

But surely asking a customer to sign a waiver suggests that the cafe either has no faith in their own processes and protection or that they can't be bothered to follow them?

If you were confident of your kitchen processes etc you wouldn't need to ask anybody to sign a waiver.

If I had an allergy and was asked to sign a waiver I'd be off never to return.

(I don't understand why a cafe or restauarant would do this anyway as I'm not sure that you could successfully exclude liability in these circumstances)

Veronay · 21/03/2025 21:49

ARO0607 · 21/03/2025 21:44

I think you’re massively BU to find this ‘humiliating’, and it’s strange that you’ve taken it so personally.
I’ve worked in hospitality, and the food industry for almost 20 years. There are a lot of people who claim to be ‘coeliac’ when really they’ve an intolerance, and it’s more likely the additives in bread they can’t tolerate rather than the gluten. Coeliac disease can be really serious. The cafe likely uses outside products that they can not guarantee have come in to contact with gluten. If you look at food packaging sometimes there isn’t nuts listed in the ingredients, but it will say ‘may contain nuts’ because the factory will handle nuts.
You have to cover your back, and it won’t be that poor girls fault.

Bit lacking in knowledge, coeliac disease is extremely common (most ppeople who have it are never diagnosed).and many people who have it actuslly never get symptoms. Coeliac people could for example be 'glutened' and not suffer any noticeable symptoms, but the underlying damage is being done inside the body. Most people who request gluten free in catering are not doing so because they 'bloat' a little bit.

CoffeeCantata · 21/03/2025 21:49

I think this is pretty standard nowadays, OP. My friends whose children have allergies always have to fill in and sign these forms.

The world has changed - so many allergies around which weren't a thing 50 years ago. So hospitality culture has changed too. Very few things are simple any more!

Sunnywalker · 21/03/2025 21:50

Honestly it’s society that has done this not the cafe, people are always out to get others or make a quick buck! Not to mention press about people with allergies dying due to mistakes. That cafe is someone’s income and if you sue for inadvertent gluten then that person may not be able to provide for their family. These businesses can do what they can to cater for you but at the end of the day the owner cannot oversee every minute detail of the business every day. I realise it felt uncomfortable for you at the time, but I’m with the cafe.

Veronay · 21/03/2025 21:50

ARO0607 · 21/03/2025 21:46

Also, I would remind people that leaving shitty reviews can be detrimental to small businesses.

Small businesses being rude and careless can be detrimental to my dining experience 😂

ruethewhirl · 21/03/2025 21:51

I don't get why people are informing OP that it 'isn't humiliating', because the fact is that people stare. Anything unusual happens in a public setting, there are always some people who will just gawp like idiots and make the person feel self-conscious. I'm not disputing that an eating establishment might need to cover itself, but they should do it without making a song and dance of it.

xsammi · 21/03/2025 21:51

CoffeeCantata · 21/03/2025 21:49

I think this is pretty standard nowadays, OP. My friends whose children have allergies always have to fill in and sign these forms.

The world has changed - so many allergies around which weren't a thing 50 years ago. So hospitality culture has changed too. Very few things are simple any more!

Where on earth are they eating?

SpectacularBlahaj · 21/03/2025 21:53

ARO0607 · 21/03/2025 21:46

Also, I would remind people that leaving shitty reviews can be detrimental to small businesses.

Posting reviews which detail how customers with dietary requirements are treated can be enormously helpful to others in making informed and safe decisions. It’s not about tearing a business down.

BeTwinklyKhakiPanda · 21/03/2025 21:54

The cafe is telling you they are too small / disorganised to be confident they can meet your needs, and are not prepared to take the risk of your becoming ill.

You were right to leave

BlondiePortz · 21/03/2025 21:55

I don't how these forms would actually be legal, if someone died would the courts just go 'the person signed a form so that makes it ok' I don't think this situation needed to be a drama but don't see how they are actually legal in the first place

hurdigurdi · 21/03/2025 21:56

The only way to ensure food is 100% gluten free is for it to be prepared in a 100% gluten free kitchen. Smaller businesses won’t usually have a dedicated space for this, so cannot guarantee it no matter how cautious they are.

If you are gluten intolerant or it is a dietary preference to avoid gluten, you will be fine in most establishments that offer gluten free, however if you are coeliac, you unfortunately won’t be able to eat in those sorts of places without risk.

It is the business’s responsibility to be clear about what they offer and the customer’s responsibility to decide whether it is acceptable to them or not.

in your case, OP, I can’t see how a piece of paper is going to guarantee anything or protect them from anything, all they need to do is explain the above and how they operate so you can decide.

ByPearlSnail · 21/03/2025 21:57

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Barrenfieldoffucks · 21/03/2025 21:58

MasterBeth · 21/03/2025 20:34

They are being overly cautious and you are being ridiculous.

No-one's humiliating you.

Agreed. I very much doubt anyone cared whether you had a piece of paper to sign!

Original poster
Skyview7 · 21/03/2025 21:59

Thanks everyone for your feedback: it is all valued, all sides. 🙂
So, coeliac is not an allergy but an autoimmune condition and I am well aware of the risks in going out and have been glutened before - but I also want to have a life too. For the record, I do usually check in advance and almost everywhere I've ordered salad (minus croutons or couscous or unidentified "grains") has been fine.
I do know the risk is entirely mine; I own this, but today I was being asked to sign something that says it's all on me if they mess up..so, if someone got food poisoning there, is it the customer's fault for dining there to start with? I dont know, but it all felt very off.
Thanks again for your thoughts though, everyone. It's been really good to get perspective!
😊

OP posts:
ARO0607 · 21/03/2025 22:02

Veronay · 21/03/2025 21:49

Bit lacking in knowledge, coeliac disease is extremely common (most ppeople who have it are never diagnosed).and many people who have it actuslly never get symptoms. Coeliac people could for example be 'glutened' and not suffer any noticeable symptoms, but the underlying damage is being done inside the body. Most people who request gluten free in catering are not doing so because they 'bloat' a little bit.

Show quote history

How is it lacking in knowledge? I’ve stated ‘coeliac disease can be really serious’. Have you ever worked in hospitality? There are a lot of people who will tell you they’re ’coeliac’, and then proceed to order a beer battered fish and chips, which is ‘fine’.

Deadringer · 21/03/2025 22:05

The paperwork seems ridiculous but i think you are over reacting. 'Hard working dd' sucked the good vibe right out', 'ladies staring at you', all sounds very over the top.

Veronay · 21/03/2025 22:07

ARO0607 · 21/03/2025 22:02

How is it lacking in knowledge? I’ve stated ‘coeliac disease can be really serious’. Have you ever worked in hospitality? There are a lot of people who will tell you they’re ’coeliac’, and then proceed to order a beer battered fish and chips, which is ‘fine’.

Show quote history

I have actually, mostly in hotels that also had restaurants/ or were also a pub. It is serious indeed and as I've said the majority of people who have it will never be told. Many people find out, for example by an anomaly on a blood test such as low iron and are then diagnosed, they've never had any symptoms.loadsnof people have 'unusual' symptoms too such as neurological (I had these, numbness, pins and needles, blurred vision) and no gut symptoms. Some people who are diagnosed are careless with what they eat, definitely, but if someone says they're coeliac you should always be taking it seriously.