Son's girlfriend and argument.

[DancesLikeAFairy]

My son has been with his gf over one year. Not his first relationship. He has had friends in his room since he was 14 ish. I preferred him being home,rather than being out. Obviously he could go somewhere in particular, not just wandering around. We're close, but there's a big recurring argument. His gf gets bus from work Friday evening, then leaves here to go to work Monday morning. It's too much for me. At the beginning, I said that I can't afford to feed her every weekend. She now brings a ready meal or pizza, switches oven on, leaves it to heat up, then heats her dinner. She helps herself to the coffee machine a few times a day, makes tea. Leaves pile of clothes in son's room, shoes in hall, after she's left. She can't have friends or bf at her house where she lives with father, his gf, two half brothers. I'm tired of the argument with my son. I've said that I want to have the freedom of being in my home without another person here every weekend. He can't afford to get his own place.

Humans judge. It’s a survival mechanism. That’s what we do and it’s a good thing. Contributes to the evolution of the species.

Very few people would want their offspring or their genes combined with a person of the girlfriend’s ilk.

I think one night a week is perfectly reasonable but cannot understand begrudging cooking their own toast or turning the cooker on.

Wow. @TheHerboriste - you've met the gf then ?

I mean, the OP is obviously trying to paint a bad picture of her, so she doesn't look as bad, but even then, she (the gf) doesn't sound horrendous at all.

Have you seen the meter readings while an oven is on. The OP is not made of money.

But she won't cook for the gf, so the gf brought her own food. Either way op is paying a little more.

OP, I'd hide the decent coffee and tell your son to buy some for when she's round. Figure out what may be a compromise eg, she stays 1 night, they have dinner out.
I was paying more than £100 a month 20+ years ago. Increase the amount your son pays to cover costs you're struggling to afford.
I do think it's really odd not to include her in meals, cooking for an extra person (meal depending) shouldn't cost much more.

How have you lost your home to them when they are in their room, the vast majority of time.
both my boys 19/21 have their girlfriends stay , whenever they want as its their home too. They both pay rent and luckily they have lovely girlfriends, these girlfriends could also be their future wifes/ my DIL.
however OP should ask her son to contribute more to cover costs if money is a factor, it seems like she is not their all week.

And then in 15 years time they are on here crying why their son doesn’t see them and they don’t see their grandchild etc. you can’t pick your childs partners for them.
the girl is young and does not sound horrendous or mean to OP son etc

Or how people raise rude self entitled women , who moan about a boychild whilst putting down another young woman who they have never met. Oh the irony.

I agree you need your own space to relax and chill.

Everything else, you sound ridiculous.
And who are you to say someone hasn't been brought up right!

It's clear from your posts that you haven't been brought up right yourself.

Nasty and vile way to treat people

Op just set your rules and raise your costs and discuss with your son your reasons. I have different rules in my house but its for you to decide rules in your home, but could your son afford to move out and if so would that be something you want ? What if they provided a meal one night and cooked for you as well so that you get a break ? Is there any solutions you can think of that may make it easier when she stays ? Maybe try and get to know her a little better , tell them one coffee a day and thats it.
do they both work ?

I don’t come from lowlife. We know how to conduct ourselves.

OP has limited capability to work, so presumably doesn't have a huge income. Why should she be financially subsidising her DS and his GF? £100 a month is nowhere near enough to cover their keep.

This is all a bit much. You asked her to bring her own food which for a weekend which I personally wouldn't have done. And now you're complaining that she needs to cook that food ...

If the coffee and electric are such a problem, ask your son to pay more per month to cover it.

It sounds like you just don't like her tbh and I would always want my sons partners to feel welcome.

This!

If I were her, I’d break up with your DS to avoid having you as a future MIL…

See, this is odd to me. Any guest in my home can help themselves to coffee, oven and food within reason. Hot shower and clean towel? Absolutely. Use of washing machine if needed? Sure thing. I cannot believe replies on here. Kindness, always.

It sounds like you dislike her as a person as you have his friends and other family saying things about her. It sounds like you go about talking about her instead of addressing the matters with her. You said you want your son to be happy did he say he was in an unhappy relationship? If that’s an assumption you don’t want to push him away from you.

She’s not the OPs guest is she? Yet the OP is expected to fund the food, coffee and bills, and presumably launder the towels. And give up her privacy every weekend.

I'm grateful for all of you taking the time to post on here. My son's friend or friends do come here every evening. They sometimes have pizza, always some type of food) and I sometimes ask them to takeaway their huge pizza boxes home. I don't buy free range chicken all the time; it was an example of an offer of contributing that gf gave. We coukd have pasts, egg chips, a rice dish. My point was that she comes here straight from work, walks in the kitchen and puts the oven on. Just saying hello etc would feel different. I know about her childhood, because she has told me. It's not only because it's 'her', more that there is a person in my home Friday evening to Monday morning EVERY weekend. She isn't allowed to have friends in her home, or her boyfriend stay overnight. He's stayed there twice in over one year, as they were getting up early to drive to the airport. I have a close relationship with my sons. They tell me that they love me every day. My son (on here) says that I am the most important person in his life. Their happiness is important and the gf might be his person. But I'm certainly not the only one who doesn't think so. I have had lovely chats with other gfs. A couple brought me flowers, kiss with hello. My son's gf has been welcomed in every social occasion. I buy her presents. We chat. I've mentioned that when she's passed her test, she'll be able to come and go, but she said, "no, it's too expensive!" I've asked her how best to share cost of being there (I was cooking for all of us) and she said, "I'll just buy my own." So yes, she cooks her own ready meal etc. We don't have a microwave. My son's friends all stick their head around the door to say hello etc to me. She just behaves as if she lives there! I don't expect her to go in the living room just for tv. Theyvwatch tv in his room. She'll switch it on to watch what she wants, and I feel strange because it isn't what I want to watch in half an hour's time. I'm not nasty. I'm going to stick with what someone on here said- 24 hours for the weekend. My son doesn't like it, as he wants her with him. I feel selfish for saying this is the way it's going to be. It's my home and I don't want another (anyone) being there who I haven't chosen to live with me.

Tell her to bring her own microwave when she stays

Yes, but it's easier to be kind when you have the financial means to do so. The OP has made it clear that she is struggling financially.

ETA I remember staying with my parents and hot water being restricted because of the the cost of heating.

She needs to bring her own generator

Your son has friends in your house every night? Hell no! He is a grown man, if he wants to have friends over every evening and his girlfriend every weekend (not sure if its the same son but either way) he can get his own place that is just ridiculous.

I'm confused how it is you are happy to have your son's friends over every night, but she isn't welcome for the two days.

Either you are a person who needs their alone time, or you are not (although if they are usually in his room, I'm not getting how they are disturbing you).

However, obviously if you own the house and want to drive your ds out sooner rather than later, then you are perfectly entitled to do so. I think you should remember how you are acting now though, when you are back on here in a decade or two moaning about how your ds doesn't visit and how your dil doesn't like you or include you in things. Have a look at the example you are setting and the atmosphere you are creating here.