Son's girlfriend and argument.

[DancesLikeAFairy]

My son has been with his gf over one year. Not his first relationship. He has had friends in his room since he was 14 ish. I preferred him being home,rather than being out. Obviously he could go somewhere in particular, not just wandering around. We're close, but there's a big recurring argument. His gf gets bus from work Friday evening, then leaves here to go to work Monday morning. It's too much for me. At the beginning, I said that I can't afford to feed her every weekend. She now brings a ready meal or pizza, switches oven on, leaves it to heat up, then heats her dinner. She helps herself to the coffee machine a few times a day, makes tea. Leaves pile of clothes in son's room, shoes in hall, after she's left. She can't have friends or bf at her house where she lives with father, his gf, two half brothers. I'm tired of the argument with my son. I've said that I want to have the freedom of being in my home without another person here every weekend. He can't afford to get his own place.

What a mean spirited thread.
It's no wonder people moan about their mothers in law, if this is the kind of welcome they get to the family.

Your son pays £100 per month. What is his income a month?

He’ll be able to save quicker paying his Mum £400 a month to cover board/utilities/food than renting somewhere and having to pay for his own food and household bills. He’s not being respectful to his Mum or appreciative of having to only pay £100 a month, so really, he should be asked to move out.

"Tell your son no more or move out.
They both have a total mug made out of you."

@Plmii

Yoda has spoken 🙏🏻

YABU.. anyone ds is dating is welcome here.. I’m on a low income too, but I’ll either cook something that will stretch or they can sort themselves out. The only thing I think you’re fair on is to say that your coffee machine is off limits or they at least provide their own pods.

Nice try 🙄

You are parent and it is your house. Put your foot down and lay some ground rules immediately.

Sit them both down and make it clear how many days a week she can stay over.

Up your son’s rent immediately or tell him to move out if he wants more freedom.

If one of our kids' girlfriends or boyfriends stayed with us, we would always tell them and expect them to use our home as their own.

You tell her you can't afford to keep her up every weekend for free either, so no money no staying all weekend for nothing.

I've said that I want to have the freedom of being in my home without another person here every weekend. He can't afford to get his own place.

Well then he's got some hard thinking to do hasn't he? Yes he's an adult and yes that gives some privileges. But being demanding and walking all over the person who pays for almost everything isn't one of them.

Time to sit him down and spell it out. £25 a week won't even be covering the cost of his own food, let alone his GF's or a share of the bills.

I wouldn’t want my son’s girlfriend freeloading in my home, showing zero respect or consideration, leaving a mess, helping herself with no thought of the additional code to me, invading my privacy. This mum needs to put her foot down, how has it gotten this far?!

Even if they were blatantly taking the piss?

cost

I wouldn't consider warming up a pizza, having coffee or leaving her shoes in the hall "taking the piss."

It's pretty much the definition of "make yourself at home."

It seems really mean to me to not let her help herself to coffee or use the oven. It doesn't sound like she's behaving outrageously or being disrespectful.

You say that "she's not good enough". Would anyone be good enough for you son?

This and this again

How far away does she live?
Can she not get the bus back on a Saturday?

I would absolutely be putting my foot down.

Tell DS she can come over Friday but needs to be gone by 8pm Saturday.
If he wants to spend more time with her, then he can stay at hers.

I would hate to have someone in my home every weekend.

Yes but it's taking the piss to make yourself at home when nobody has invited you to make yourself at home!

Yes, but it's mean of the OP not to do that to her son's girlfriend.

YADNBU OP.

The problem with asking for a contribution is that it will give them the green light to stay/eat/drink even more.

Don’t be afraid to get tough. Tell him and her that it’s too much and she can stay once a month but needs to bring her own food and coffee and not leave her things there.

The tone of your messages seems to indicate that you have to find a solution everyone is happy with. You don't. Decide how often you are happy for your son to have a guest over (every other weekend? Every weekend but only for one night? Never past 10pm?) then tell him that. Choose something you can live with long term - as you don't want to alienate your son entirely, so never might not be a good idea even if it does appeal in other ways.
What they do about seeing each other the rest of the time is not your problem. It might mean your son isn't around as he's with the girlfriend but presumably that wouldn't be a problem.
Also get him to pay proper board that at least covers the additional costs of him being there.

My son has a lovely girlfriend who often stays over, but my rule is that it can't be the whole weekend as I need some downtime on the weekends to recharge without extra people in the house.

Adult son.. it's his house too.
I never stopped my daughters having their bf's to stay.. you can always stretch a meal.
I wanted them to feel wanted in their own home.
My daughter always has sons gf or friends stay over... it's a safe and welcoming home for all.

I think £100 is a piss take for his rent. Up his rent to £350 per month and sit down and spell out some rules for him and for guests. Including she only spends one night per weekend.

We had to ban ds's gf from our home years ago. She once went to work after ds and took his bedroom key!! Cf! We had a landlord inspection and couldn't let them check his room!
She once walked past dh to make herself a coffee them dropped her empty cup into the sink as he stood doing the washing up!!
Insisted on staying even when ds was working til late.