Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

[LolaJ82]

My son, who is only 19 has had a baby with his ex girlfriend. Its all turned messy and as usual hes asked me to sort things out. They are refusing to speak to each other and I am now the go between, to make matters worse, I don't/didnt know this girl, and before she had my grandson I had met her maybe twice 🤦‍♀️

My son and I fought like cat and dog over this as its apparent that his money (even though he is only 19, he has a really good job) was the main driver, to the point where the baby and the girl wanted for nothing, which for the baby is rightly so.

The issue that we have now is, the baby is 6 weeks old, and my son has seen him approx 4 times. The girl is refusing us access, unless its with her, in her house. Now my son, wants to be a good father, and eventually wants 50/50 access to the child, with him staying with us half of the time, now I know that is a way off, he is a new born after all, however, all we are asking for is a few hours at the weekend, to bring him to our home, so that my son can bond with him, and learn how to be a good dad, without the awkwardness of having to sit in her house, with her watching his every move.

So my long winded question is, AIBU to ask for the baby to come to us for a few hours on a weekend?

I’m not endorsing op’s approach, but wanting contact with your grandchild is hardly living vicariously.

This post is quite harsh.

He is not a stranger he is the father. All parents are strangers until the baby is born. And they will.

little and often is few hours a couple of times a week. She cannot demand he needs to be supervised unless she has concerns and the court would not allow that either.

Do you not know basic biology? The mother of the baby isn’t a stranger at all. The baby knows its mother as an absolute, and to take a newborn away from its mother for longer than necessary is physically traumatic and should only be done under extreme circumstances. This is not that, the father can visit and build that relationship with his child but it will be weeks, likely months, before it’s reasonable to expect mum to hand the baby over for ‘dad time’ alone.

YABU. A baby of 6 weeks is too young to be away from the mother 'for a few hours' in.a different environment.

No court will demand that a 6 week old baby is handed over so the father that has seen the child 4 times and the grandmother can take them off for hours at a separate location.

The most they will want is regular contact for the father with the child at the mother's house with her present and gradually building up to having time alone over many months.

Breast fed babies often don't do overnights away from mother for several YEARS.

If the father and grandmother want a good relationship they will work with the mother, not against her.

You are being massively unreasonable, and putting horrible pressure on a new mother to part with her baby, no doubt causing her to feel stressed out and extremely anxious.

And you need to get over yourselves wrt the money your son has given toward the baby. He's no hero, and it's not a pay to play situation.

Stop pressuring the young mother. Go to her house and see the baby on her terms.

FFS

Nonsense.

The baby has known the mother since conception, and vice versa. The baby can recognise its mother's voice and face minutes after birth. The baby can smell its mother from day one.

The father is, in fact, a stranger, and does not have the deep physical bond the mother has with the baby, and vice versa.

The first three months are not called 'the fourth trimester' for no reason.

@JudgeJ You're assuming she has stopped him, instead of him only choosing to see the baby 4 times. It sounds like he hasn't been bothered.

Biased because we say it's wrong to take baby of 6 weeks to a strangers house for hours and weekends? A baby of 6 weeks? When he can visit the baby and spend time with it at her house? Did you even bother to actually read the OP, @JudgeJ ? The son is able to visit the baby whenever he wants! Just not take it to his house. That's all!

If you still think it's ok to take a 6 week old baby away from it's mother, yes, shame on you!

Have you ever had a baby, @theriseandfallofFranklinSaint ? It doesn't sound like it.

We're talking about a son who wants to take a 6 week old baby to a strangers house for hours/weekends. Not remotely the same as your husband who lives with you taking the baby out in the garden.

Needing his mummy to sort out his problems, for one, @Golden407 . Not being able to withstand awkwardness at the mother's home in order to spend time with his son, another.

No, it is not at all a sensible option to run to mummy. All that would do, common sense tells one, is make the mother feel ganged up on. OP said 'as usual' he has asked me to sort it out. Clearly this immature boy can't speak with the mother of his child like an adult.

Would you have wanted your 6 week old baby taken to a strangers house without you for hours and for weekends? At 6 weeks? @Katypp

Then you should KNOW that taking a 6 week old newborn baby from it's mother for hours and weekends is a bad idea, @Katypp . And OP's son seeing the baby at the mother's house freely is a good thing.

OP has said she too is allowed to visit.

Have you even bothered to read what this is about, @Ihopeyouhavent the sone is able to have free access to his son, and visits. And so is OP.

They just can't take a 6 week old baby for WEEKENDS or for hours to a strangers house.

That is MORE than reasonable. And a solicitor would tell him this.

You clearly haven't even READ the OP, @Ihopeyouhavent . The son has free and unlimited access at the mother's house. Are you really saying it's unreasonable to saying no to taking a 6 WEEK OLD BABY to a strangers house, for hours/weekends away from it's mother?!???

I swear people like you just skim OPs and don't even bother reading. Because no stable, sane human being would agree to taking a 6 week old away when he can SEE IT AT HER HOME.

Um, @24namechange you don't take a 6 WEEK old newborn baby from it's mother to a strangers house for hours/weekend. It is 6 WEEKS OLD! Did you even read the OP's posts at all? NO legal advice in the land will say the father should have overnights with a 6 WEEK OLD NEWBORN BABY!! He can bond with the baby at it's mother's house.

No, mother and father are not interchangeable at this stage, @Gloriia . If you had even been a birth mother yourself you would know this. It's the fourth trimester, the baby still feels itself as an extension to the mother, and barely knows it is out of the womb. It has been proven it needs the mother's heartbeat and scent. Baby will be using her body to regulate its own. Without her there it’s little body will flood with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
It is 6 WEEKS OLD. Not 6 months old or 1 year old.

OP says and as usual hes asked me to sort things out

That is not 'helping', that is a mother fixing things because "as usual" the son asks mummy to fix things for him.

At 6 weeks mother and baby are a pair. They can’t be separated.
The father needs to visit his child in the mother’s home with her present. He should aim for at least 3 short visits a week if mother and father can make the scheduling work.

Don't lots of people put there 6 week olds in daycare? For hours and for several days. There are specific baby rooms. I don't get why people are thinking that's fine but dad is not?

No I wouldn’t say that’s typical in the UK. Very few mothers will be expected to return to work after six weeks. Lots of nurseries near me take babies from around 3 months, but I certainly wouldn’t say there are lots of babies of this age there.

That is not usual in the UK, no. It isn't usually good for the baby when done in other countries such as USA either, as it can affect both attachment and risk of illness.