Who should message first on birthday?

[BdayQ]

If it were say, Anne’s birthday and Anne had received a card from her MIL, would you expect

1. MIL to message Anne first on her birthday to say HBD?
2. Anne to message MIL first to say thanks for the card?

I’ll not say whether I am Anne or MIL, just trying to settle a conversation with

1. DH because MIL should send message to say HBD and Anne claims she then would’ve said thanks for the card
2. DS because Anne should message MIL to say thanks for the card and MIL claims she then would’ve said HBD

First world problems I know so fairly lighthearted and trivial, just wanted to see the general consensus as one person thinks the other was rude.

Wanted to change the poll question and responses but it won’t let me, so I’ll randomly assign

You are BU as MIL messages first

You are not BU as Anne messages first

I'd assume people would be busy on their birthday and getting a few cards etc. So wouldn't necessarily spend the day messaging everyone thanking them. I would of course send a birthday text but similarly if you've sent a card you might not feel you have to.

Basically if no one text anyone I'd be fine.

The card IS the happy birthday message, why would you need to send another?

I don't expect anyone to reply to a card or HBD message on the day because I assume they received a ton of them. I would probably send a quick thankyou message a day or two later. Probably depends on context. If it was someone I saw all the time I'd just thank them in person. If it was someone I hadn't heard from in ages I'd reply sooner.

If someone sent me a card and it arrived on my birthday I would take that as wishing me happy birthday. Sorry if I'm being thick! If they messaged on top of that, it's a bonus or whatever. Wouldn't expect it.

I'd probably not overthink it, and maybe call them at the end of the day to share how I'd spent my birthday and say thanks if they were someone I was close to.

I have no idea because it wouldn’t cross my mind to think about it because it doesn’t matter.

i assume this is only fairly lighthearted because it’s part of a wider MIL problem?

I think also generations comes into It - older generation being more traditional and sending cards rather than the WhatsApp birthday message. I think they might see that as a bit flimsy, I don't know.

This

I'm probably about MILs age. I send HB gifs. I like choosing one that is about something the birthday person likes. I want people to enjoy their birthday and not have to spend time unnecessarily messaging.

I normally speak to family on their birthdays as well as sending/receiving a card but honestly couldn’t tell you who calls who- it just depends. It’s really not something that there are etiquette rules about and if you’re getting het up about it, most likely there’s something else going on.

I think you. The card is her message, you should thank her.

Agreed!

As I am an adult I can't see any importance in this whatsoever. Who thanks someone for a card!

If I was Anne, I would probably text MIL to say thanks for the card.

Matters to them clearly

I also think this post/non-issue is the tip of a very big iceberg.

No one should be upset-it is all very very silly.

I would say that MiL is being unreasonable. However her argument could be that she's already messaged Anne Happy Birthday in the card so wouldn't do it twice. Way back when I had an Aunt who was offended that I hadn't called her to say thank you for the card on my Birthday but this was before mobile phones were everywhere. Still think she was being unreasonable though.

I have no idea but my head hurts now

Send a card but also phone on the morning of the birthday to say happy birthday.

The state of my postal system people should text happy birthday because I will think everyone forgot until the cards show up a week later

Oh god, who fucking cares??

I have never said thank you for a card. No one has ever said thank you for a card sent.

😂

Quite. The idea of being offended because either someone didn't double up on saying HB by calling as well as a card or by not calling to say thank you for a card is preposterous. Baffling that anyone invests so much emotional energy into choosing to be offended by nothing.

OMG. Fuss about nothing! I don't automatically message to say thank you for a card, nor expect thanks for those I've sent. It's a complete act in itself, as far as I'm concerned.

If someone messages me to say HBD, then I'd respond and maybe mention their card. I'd only message first if I'd received a present too.

I don’t understand.

MIL has already sent a HBD message in the form of a card. That’s it.

Anne doesn’t have to thank MIL for the card.

Nobody has to message each other. HTH

If a card has been sent then there is no need to ring too. Only ring or text if no card sent.
Who rings to thank for cards? Never heard of that.