Who should message first on birthday?

[BdayQ]

If it were say, Anne’s birthday and Anne had received a card from her MIL, would you expect

1. MIL to message Anne first on her birthday to say HBD?
2. Anne to message MIL first to say thanks for the card?

I’ll not say whether I am Anne or MIL, just trying to settle a conversation with

1. DH because MIL should send message to say HBD and Anne claims she then would’ve said thanks for the card
2. DS because Anne should message MIL to say thanks for the card and MIL claims she then would’ve said HBD

First world problems I know so fairly lighthearted and trivial, just wanted to see the general consensus as one person thinks the other was rude.

Wanted to change the poll question and responses but it won’t let me, so I’ll randomly assign

You are BU as MIL messages first

You are not BU as Anne messages first

If you're going to worry about these things, surely MIL has sent a happy birthday message by sending the card?

Personally I'm not sure a card needs a thank-you message either

I have this with my Nan and always say thank you for the card. She’s used the card as her way to send me a HBD message and I would then say thank you for that.

Life is too short for this nonsense.

Yes, agreed.

How do you cope with Christmas?

To be clear, one is bothered and one is not

Waiting is the rude bit. When you remember it's the BD MIL should message HBD, when you open the card you text MIL to say thanks. Waiting to respond to someone's message is mental.

My DM expects me to call to say Happy Birthday to her early in the day after also sending her a card otherwise she will be in a mood.

However if it is my birthday I am also expected to call early in the day to say thank you for the card otherwise she is in a mood.

So to answer your question if you are my Mother everyone should call you regardless of if they are the card sender or receiver.

This thread is making me laugh as this scenario happens every year on mine, dh and the dcs birthdays. Mil nearly always messages around 9am, not to wish the birthday person a happy birthday but to ask if we got her card, thereby highlighting that we have not messaged to thank her for it. Sublime entertainment for us all.

A few very rude people on here. Of course if you receive a card you at least message to say thank you. It's a lovely thing to send a card and one should be grateful for the thoughtful people in your life.

That would definitely mean that I would lie and say I hadn’t opened my cards yet. Every year. Even if she started texting later and later. I’d end up pretending I was planning to open things after dinner if necessary because this would simultaneously annoy and amuse me

Whoever is complaining is the unreasonable one. Neither of those scenarios matter.

Card sender doesn’t need to message as already sent the card and birthday haver doesn’t need to message to thank for a card so since no one actually has to message it really doesn’t matter

Life is too short for this shit.

If someone has taken the time to buy, write and post me a card for my birthday, I would always send a text to say thank you.

Is clearly your bday. I wouldn’t message thanks for a card either but I’m guessing your MIL is a loon.

Love your username 💜

It doesn't matter.
I do say thank you for cards, but I don't always open them in the morning if I have work or we're out for the day leaving early, meaning I wouldn't text thanks until the evening. My close friends and family would still message saying happy birthday, even if they'd sent a card.

Is there an etiquette around this? Isn’t it just whoever thinks to do it, or is up and awake first? My MIL gets up with the sun, so often messages on birthdays at stupid o’clock and I then see it when I wake up.

If I care enough for someone to send a card i would want them to be enjoying their birthday not worrying about thanking me for the card. Day or two later sure it’s nice to send a thank you message

This isn’t something I’d pay attention to. If I opened a card from someone, I’d text to say thanks for the card. It wouldn’t be on my radar “should they have texted me to say happy birthday first”. And if I’d sent a card, i may also remember to text, but again, I wouldn’t be thinking “well I’m not texting until they thank me for the card!”

Whoever gets around to calling first. It’s not a big deal to me.

I did have a relative who had very set ideas on how things like this should be done and he was very hard work and not my sort of person at all. He fell out with another relative because she didn't call him on his birthday until the evening and that was ‘too late’. She had been at work all day and he was retired. Very hard work!

You don't need to send a birthday text if you've sent a birthday card and you don't need to text a thank-you for either

Should the person who you sent the thank-you text to thank you for your text?

I don't think it matters who messages first.