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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is nursery beneficial to any way to our children?

147 replies

OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 22:45

I've just come back from visiting my friend who very much thinks she's a martyr for being a stay at home parent. She's got lots of help from husband who works from home and both grandparents.

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.

Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her (she lives an hour away).

Anyway does nursery provide any benefit or should I be taking toddler out of nursery?

OP posts:
DownWhichOfLate · 19/03/2025 22:51

Think studies show it’s good for over 3 year olds, not so good for under 3

Boredofbeinganadult · 19/03/2025 22:54

I love my daughter going to nursery, it’s the only time she’s around other children her age and she gets to play outside which I like as we don’t have a garden. Personally I think it’s beneficial and she seems to have a good time. Ignore your friend if she’s making you feel bad about it. I think the right nursery is great!

DysmalRadius · 19/03/2025 22:55

Nurseries are a useful tool to encourage women to judge each other and distract them from whatever the patriarchy has lined up to fuck us over next.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't like your friend so why do you care what this martyrish, financially illiterate, incompetent parent thinks? Do whatever you want.

Lavender14 · 19/03/2025 22:57

I think for many it's a necessary thing. I'm a lone parent and if I wasn't able to access nursery I'd be living off benefits and out of work.

Ds has definitely progressed loads since he started nursery, he has little friendships, his speech and other skills have come on a lot (and I was already doing a lot with him at home) and he genuinely is excited to go in every day. He's definitely much more confident and social since starting - still very much a mummys boy but he was quite shy and i couldn't really leave him with anyone easily before. He's one of the younger in his cohort and I do feel he's learning a lot from the other kids. He's in 3 days a week and with family the other 2.

Sofiewoo · 19/03/2025 22:57

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.
Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her

Why would nursery wiping out her earnings by a direct snub at you?

accountdetailschangeusername · 19/03/2025 22:58

Under three year olds are shown by studies to be better off with more individualised care and attention than a nursery can give.

I used nurseries because I had to but I was under no illusion that they weren’t in the best interest of my child and if I could have afforded to pay a nanny, or even a child minder, or if I could have found a relative to care, that would have been better for their psychological development and sense of secure attachment which is pretty key for life long mental health.

Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 22:59

Sofiewoo · 19/03/2025 22:57

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.
Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her

Why would nursery wiping out her earnings by a direct snub at you?

She's very much for "looking after own children" and not sending them to nursery.

Thinks celebs look after their own children, don't have nannies.

Doesn't allow the world nursery to be used in front of children.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:01

accountdetailschangeusername · 19/03/2025 22:58

Under three year olds are shown by studies to be better off with more individualised care and attention than a nursery can give.

I used nurseries because I had to but I was under no illusion that they weren’t in the best interest of my child and if I could have afforded to pay a nanny, or even a child minder, or if I could have found a relative to care, that would have been better for their psychological development and sense of secure attachment which is pretty key for life long mental health.

Edited

See I was at home with a sahm and don't have a secure attachment with my mum. Not really sure why secure attachments aren't formed with other children. Also not sure how beneficial it is at home when they do all the activities at nursery and my toddler loves going (might change soon)

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 19/03/2025 23:01

I don't actually understand your OP.

It's a non-sequitur.

Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:01

Sofiewoo · 19/03/2025 22:57

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.
Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her

Why would nursery wiping out her earnings by a direct snub at you?

She also clearly values staying at home with child, so should just say that.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:02

Isittimeformynapyet · 19/03/2025 23:01

I don't actually understand your OP.

It's a non-sequitur.

That's ok.

You don't have to comment.

No every thread is for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:02

Lavender14 · 19/03/2025 22:57

I think for many it's a necessary thing. I'm a lone parent and if I wasn't able to access nursery I'd be living off benefits and out of work.

Ds has definitely progressed loads since he started nursery, he has little friendships, his speech and other skills have come on a lot (and I was already doing a lot with him at home) and he genuinely is excited to go in every day. He's definitely much more confident and social since starting - still very much a mummys boy but he was quite shy and i couldn't really leave him with anyone easily before. He's one of the younger in his cohort and I do feel he's learning a lot from the other kids. He's in 3 days a week and with family the other 2.

Yes. But I guess they will learn that anyway?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:03

DysmalRadius · 19/03/2025 22:55

Nurseries are a useful tool to encourage women to judge each other and distract them from whatever the patriarchy has lined up to fuck us over next.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't like your friend so why do you care what this martyrish, financially illiterate, incompetent parent thinks? Do whatever you want.

I don't like anyone tbh

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 19/03/2025 23:04

OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:03

I don't like anyone tbh

Show quote history

The your child is probably better off at nursery, poor thing! 😜😁

Sometimeswinning · 19/03/2025 23:05

OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:03

I don't like anyone tbh

Show quote history

Best way really 😂

littleluncheon · 19/03/2025 23:06

A good nursery won't do any harm, it will be a safe and pleasant place for babies/toddlers to be while their parents are at work.

High quality preschool education definitely does benefit children 3+.

Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:08

littleluncheon · 19/03/2025 23:06

A good nursery won't do any harm, it will be a safe and pleasant place for babies/toddlers to be while their parents are at work.

High quality preschool education definitely does benefit children 3+.

How would you know if it's high qualify

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 19/03/2025 23:09

Some nurseries are brilliant, some are shit, and many are in between.
Some SAHMs are brilliant, some are shit,and many are in between.
It's never an exact science.

The End.

PS. It would be fab if we all just stopped judging each other.

cherish123 · 19/03/2025 23:12

Odd to send your child to nursery when you are on annual leave.
Your friend is not a SAHP. She works 2 days.

SwornToSilence · 19/03/2025 23:12

As part of my degree (not childcare-related), I had to observe in a nursery room (2-3 years old) for six weeks. With the obsession of recording data, I noted a designated staff member on each observation taking one child at a time and quickly photographing them while engaged in a couple of activities, then writing up their daily record before taking the child back and repeating for the next child. The world has gone bonkers, one whole person was recording for the entire morning so that the room ratio may have been correct in theory but...

Boredofbeinganadult · 19/03/2025 23:12

cherish123 · 19/03/2025 23:12

Odd to send your child to nursery when you are on annual leave.
Your friend is not a SAHP. She works 2 days.

bit judgemental? Maybe op needs the break

hardtocare · 19/03/2025 23:16

Went to parents evening for our daughter today and am convinced nursery has given her some great skills in helping her settle into school- socially for sure but also being open to routine changes, being able to easily switch focus etc that I don’t think is easily taught at home

Ladamesansmerci · 19/03/2025 23:18

I hate these sort of discussions as I just think they make new mums panic about their choices. Unfortunately the vast majority of women have to go back to work. Nursery should not affect attachment with a parent who is otherwise responsive and loving. Equally there are some children with SAHP who will experience attachment difficulties due to a chaotic environment or very inconsistent/neglectful parenting.

As long as you are nurturing, encourage emotions, loving, and responsive, it will be fine.

Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:24

Boredofbeinganadult · 19/03/2025 23:12

bit judgemental? Maybe op needs the break

Show quote history

Lol weird right.

Not that I should need to explain.... So I won't lol

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTealDog · 19/03/2025 23:24

cherish123 · 19/03/2025 23:12

Odd to send your child to nursery when you are on annual leave.
Your friend is not a SAHP. She works 2 days.

She's a sahp at the moment.

OP posts: