Is nursery beneficial to any way to our children?

[OneTealDog]

I've just come back from visiting my friend who very much thinks she's a martyr for being a stay at home parent. She's got lots of help from husband who works from home and both grandparents.

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.

Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her (she lives an hour away).

Anyway does nursery provide any benefit or should I be taking toddler out of nursery?

My child goes to nursery on every annual leave I get by the way.

Just like my child has resulted in 8 weeks of me taking unpaid leave last year due to illness.

Stop being judgemental.

My opinion is that it's only beneficial for under 3s if they have a deprived home life.

For over 3s I think it's beneficial because they want to be making some friends at that age, but it could be achieved in other ways if you're proactive in setting up loads of playdates etc.

I love being a sahm and certainly don't think I'm a martyr. So her martyr act would annoy me. My dc has been going to preschool for the free 15 hrs since age 3 and loves it.

The largest, long term study of the effect of preschool care on children is called the EPPE study. Some of the markers of high quality it found were:

• strong management and long serving, stable staff teams
• qualified teachers working alongside lower qualified staff
• staff interactions with children that promoted shared thinking and open ended questioning
• a balance of adult led activities and child led free play
• behaviour policies that promoted conflict resolution
• parental engagement

These settings had the most positive impact on children that extended throughout their schooling.

In terms of how you as a parent know, I would say high staff turnover and lots of young, unqualified or apprentice staff is the biggest red flag.

Not good under 3 unless in a home with poor parenting - a good nursery beats poor parenting.

After 3 it can have social and educational benefits but there are limits. A child raised by highly educated attentive parents in a loving secure home probably sees no incremental benefits from 30 hours in nursery over 15. I think very few children under 4 benefit from more than 30 hours a week in group childcare settings.

No benefit has been found for children to full time preschool over part time. The benefit of 30 hours is purely to support parental work.

My child goes to nursery on every annual leave I get by the way

I do find this unusual. Do you not plan any family holiday or day trips, or time off together over christmas etc?

I missed my DC when I was at work, I was desperate to see them when I could be off.

I read some research that said over 35hours a week has negative effects with increase of aggression and stress levels. Under 35 in a ‘good’ nursery has positive effects on cognition/social skills. But realistically you can’t be certain that a nursery is good or that the child will enjoy it etc. I try to keep my children with me wherever possible but I still need to work so 🤷🏻‍♀️

35 hours, does that include waking hours.... Because thank it would be on average 30 hours for my little one haha

Yeah you do you Hun.

You are unusual for not home schooling or indeed working. But that's just a judgement.

Vast majority of under 4 are in nursery full time, longer than the hours their parents work.....

So I guess a nation full of disadvantaged children

As a single mum with a mortgage, I sent my DS to a childminder full time from the age of 2y2m while I worked.

It was definitely of benefit to him

• he socialised with other children his age
• he learned to share
• he learned that other adults could be his friend
• he experienced different foods, activities and surroundings
• he created a lasting relationship

He loved being at 'Denise's, we still see her occasionally He spent 45 hours a week with her and 123 hours a week with me. I loved to spend my leisure time with my child. The only day's leave I ever took and didn't spend with him, was to attend a funeral. I had no family help but it didn't matter because I wanted to be with my child every minute anyway.

He has grown into a happy, kind, confident young man. I maintained my career, put a roof over our head, am a happy mum. A good childminder is a fantastic thing for a young child, they are another source of love and learning.😊

87 of those hours are asleep!

The vast majority of under 4s are not in full time nursery.
About 60% of under 4s are in some kind of formal childcare.
IME most children are part time.

Based on what?

My experience?
20 odd years of working in childcare in various towns/cities - 'full timers' are always the minority in any setting I've worked in.
by the age of 4 most (90%) of children take up at least 15 hours.

So what's full time v part time?

This suggests that one parent isn't working full time, when that's not the case.

Col - have to work full time

If I’m honest I don’t care about the studies people always quote on here - they’re very black and white and the world isn’t. My view is clouded by the fact I had to go back to work and my children have been in nursery (part time) from 9 months and 7 months so I know no different but - they’re both advanced, intelligent, social children. The eldest has loads of nursery friends and despite being a late summer baby can do everything expected of her when she starts school. Theyre both independent, can play and share beautifully and are generally confident and thriving. Never had any issues with drop off and separation anxiety etc.

Obviously that could’ve been the case without nursery. I think the problem with “studies show etc” is that whilst in N ideal world perhaps there’s no benefit before 3, we don’t live in an ideal world. The truth is in my experience that some children will benefit, and some probably won’t, for a variety of reasons. For us, I can absolutely see the real world benefits it’s had on them basically since they started, and I don’t regret it for even one second. That’s not going to be the case for everyone though, it’s just circumstance specific 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think its a difficult question as it depends on the nursery and the home environment. For some children nursery will be really beneficial. When I looked into it it seemed to suggest that for very young children it wasn't as good as home. But sometimes we don't have that choice due to work. I've had three children, one didn't go to nursery at all and just went to reception. The other went as a baby due to work but I took them out when I became a sahm when they were around 2 years. The last one did the usual nursery before school thing, and when they were a baby/toddler and I was at work they went to my family. All had appropriate milestones socially and academically. With my child that didn't go to nursery at all we went to a lot of groups where they could socialise if they wanted to.

It's all a personal choice.

"So I guess a nation full of disadvantaged children" exactly this

Are you ok @OneTealDog? seriously, you sound so despondent 😟

Hardly. That would mean he slept for 12.5 hours a day. 😁

By two years old ds was down to 9 hours sleep a day or 63 hours a week, and we co-slept so he knew I was there beside him.

He saved his sleeping for his teenage years. He can happily sleep for 12 hours now 😂

Also, if I’m being brutally honest and self reflective, I suffered with PND and PPA, especially with my second; I think they were better off at nursery part time than they’d have been with me full time. A PP said upthread that a good nursery is better than bad parenting; I don’t count myself as a bad parent, but for various reasons, there’s no way I could’ve given them the experience to play and socialise nursery has and I think that’s true for a lot of children, again not necessarily bad parents but parents facing various pressures and struggles.

I totally suspect this happens in lots of nurseries. The correct staff ratio will eat into nursery profits….
I hope you reported this to Ofsted.

Full time I'd say every day, 40+ hours a week.
IME most children do less or have at least a day off - parents compress hours, one or both do part time, shift working, grandparents help etc.
Looks like only 30% of mothers with a 3 year old work full time https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/familiesandthelabourmarketengland/2021#employment-activity-of-parents-based-by-the-age-of-youngest-dependent-child

Over 3 years is fine