Is nursery beneficial to any way to our children?

[OneTealDog]

I've just come back from visiting my friend who very much thinks she's a martyr for being a stay at home parent. She's got lots of help from husband who works from home and both grandparents.

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.

Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her (she lives an hour away).

Anyway does nursery provide any benefit or should I be taking toddler out of nursery?

Report for what? Room ratio was correct and staff member was doing job.
How else would the parent app be updated without someone doing it? It's just one of the jobs that needs to be done in a nursery.

I think for children with a competent engaged primary caregiver, it is a good idea to have maybe 2 or 3 sessions a week to get used to mixing, being in a larger group with a teacher and so on before the child starts school. Other than that, an engaged loving parent who does stuff with the child, talks to the child and so on, is a lot better than a nursery.
Definitely not desirable for under 2s and maybe under 3s

No because it didn't happen

Call me what you like but I think the answer is pretty obvious. After age 3 nursery setting has many benefits (eg. Helping children to become school ready, develop social skills, confidence etc.). Before then, (under 3s) it will completely depend on the child's homelife. For example, for children living in poverty or those whose are plonked in front of a screen 24/7, nurseries are going to lead to better outcomes. If the home environment is stimulating and parents are present and available for their child being at home is preferable during those early years. The answer is context dependent. For some, nursery is the only option and we shouldn't shame people for using nurseries if they need to work. Equally, we shouldn't be shaming sahp for not working if they can afford not to. Just focus on yours and your own. Do what works for you and your family. There is no need to be defensive about your choices, there is no right and wrong.

Why do you think a “secure attachment with other children” is an appropriate replacement for a secure attachment to a parent?
I don’t even have anything against childcare but your opinions are all over the place and not logical.

Are you saying @SwornToSilence made this up? That’s pretty rude.

I trusted the nurseries 15 years ago, I don’t trust them now. Same as I no long trust schools. I wouldn’t leave a crying child in nursery. I sort of wish it hadn’t become so normalised in society

Someone taking a photo of children and updating an app doesn’t mean the ratio is illegal though.

Very weird. You send your child to nursery on every annual leave day you get?? No holidays? You never choose to spend time with them except when nursery literally won’t accept them due to illness?

No I don't think it does a baby or toddler any good at all to go to nursery.

@OneTealDog Vast majority of under 4 are in nursery full time, longer than the hours their parents work.....

Not really the average preschooler in the UK spends 20 hours a week in formal childcare. So a far cry from the vast majority doing longer than a working week!
Based on a ukGOV early years childcare survey.

This post was really a bitter attack on your ‘friend’ with an unrelated question tagged on the end.

i suggest your work on being secure in your own choices and self so you aren’t so thrown by the choices of others.

God I am so bored of women judging other women for certain choices. Just stop. We can effing win. I had a live in nanny and used nursery. I didn’t have a choice. some of us don’t. We are lone parents, or breadwinners or whatever. Stop competing with each other. The most important gift women can give themselves is financial security, whatever that look like to you.

Nursery has benefited my children as it has enabled DH and I to work, which provides a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. Also funding a lifestyle where we can afford lovely holidays, activities and enriching experiences in the time we spend together.

Why?

🤣 but now I like you!

I think it's hard to cover all factors in a study. A 1 year old may be better off at home with a primary caregiver all week but if that decision puts the family into poverty then that's going to cancel out the benefits.

This! 👏🏻

Excellent answer about the importance of context! 👏🏻

A good nursery is good for a child imo. But equally a good parent is great too! I stayed in part time work even though I earnt about £100 over nursery fees for a while because I wanted to continue working and had a career (even if not particularly high flying, it's important to me). I wanted to continue my experience and pay into my pension etc...Also even though I love my children absolutely and unconditionally, I personally needed another identity, iyswim. But all of that is contingent on a lot of factors, some people will choose to be stay at home parents and that is great. I can see the pros of that too. There is no-one way. Don't allow people to make you feel judged or wrong. People also have very personal and sometimes complex reasons for their choices which might not be obvious at first. Continue in your lane.

It's beneficial in that it allows me and my partner to work so that my children have a roof over their head and food to eat.

If I stayed home to look after them they would be far worse off

I thought it was under twos who were better with more individual care and there were benefits from around 2.

think it’s also a lot about choice and what is better for your family. Dh and I need and want to work long term so ds went to nursery 3 days at 1 and increased to 4. He is a lovely happy child who runs into nursery in the morning excited. So hasn’t harmed him but in a perfect world, I think the real benefits would be from around now. When he was smaller he was only there because we were working which did make me feel a bit sad but needs must!

I've used nursery because we have to. Cant afford not to work at least some time. Working part time would mean i break even, working nearly full time (30.hrs) means we can afford the odd day out and camping holidays. Not working means we would struggle to put food on the table and never go out. No car, no public transport, absolutely basics only.

I hate the nursery /not nursery debate. My group of friends do the whole range - Sahp, part time, reduced hours, full time, self employed etc. But we never feel the need to judge another choices. Everyone has a different what works for them

In fairness you obviously had the luxury of choice. A live in nanny is a choice.

I don't think it's odd. It's entirely context dependent. I am a teacher and my DC used to go forabiut five days during my school holidays so i could deep clean the house, batch cook for the whole family, do work like sorting out my classroom planning and preparing for the following term etc... and yes sometimes get my hair cut and visit the dentist etc...all of these things benefited the whole family indirectly so I felt very little guilt about it. Their nursery was really nice though and they got to do fun things.