Is nursery beneficial to any way to our children?

[OneTealDog]

I've just come back from visiting my friend who very much thinks she's a martyr for being a stay at home parent. She's got lots of help from husband who works from home and both grandparents.

She said she only going back to work two days as nursery fees will wipe out her earnings. Not sure how much that is true for someone earning £40k and both children getting 30 hours funded hours.

Always feel like it's a direct snub for me, when I use my annual leave for my own well being, such as getting my hair done, chores, car MOT, physio etc. was very surprised I don't take my own child when I visited her (she lives an hour away).

Anyway does nursery provide any benefit or should I be taking toddler out of nursery?

It sounds like you just want to disagree, which is ok. I'm more of an "each to their own" view when it comes to nursery.

Most parents will do what they feel is best for their kids in the bigger picture. So I need to earn money to feed you so you need nursery, I need to go to work to feel sane so I can be a functioning person when your not at nursery or I'm going to keep my kid at home as much as possible and try to invest time and resources into you because I can work out a position where I can.

Ultimately take care of your kid and try to do the best by them. My daughter won't do nursery until after 3, we do groups all week and activities, she isn't very social but I know this will develop when she starts nursery. She still excels at all her milestones and is a very confident child at home ( a little too much)

It sounds like you are both a bit judgemental if each others’ choices when you should both recognise that different set ups suit different families.

The 30 funded hours are based on getting women back into the workplace and paying tax, not on child wellbeing. That doesn’t make it harmful, but it doesn’t make it a child-centred choice either.

Some people have to work to pay their bills. Others love their careers and would be frustrated at home all day. Others being with their children. Parental circumstances change what the most suitable choice is.

Mine loved nursery, she was allowed to turn a blender on and they seemed to be constantly making fruit kebabs etc. She went at 2 though. Really happy there, she transitioned well to school, never had problems with her behaviour (she’s actually feral at home) or with her work. I think a high quality nursery can be brilliant for kids. But honestly children and parents are all different, I wouldn’t judge either way.

I visited a few before I found the right one, certainly.

For pre school age children, there can be some benefits. But in terms of development and attachment, for children younger than three (obviously barring abuse/neglect in the home) it is always in a child’s best interest to be with their primary caregiver where possible. Obviously modern life means that most households need two working parents, but if we’re looking at what actually creates the best environment for a developing child, it’s being at home with mum/dad.

Well, one of the benefits nursery provides some children is a roof over their heads and dinner on the table……things that are paid for by parents working.

Well, one of the benefits nursery provides some children is a roof over their heads and dinner on the table……things that are paid for by parents working.

Well, one of the benefits nursery provides some children is a roof over their heads and dinner on the table……things that are paid for by parents working.

I see it as a bit like formula feeding.

Not necessarily the best for those under three years old, but safe and necessary for many.

Do you not want to spend some of your AL on days out / holidays with your child? Mine all went to nursery, youngest is 17 now, none have any hang ups or problems due to it. It was a necessity so I could work. I wouldn’t have wanted to be a SAHM but I did appreciate dropping to 4 days a week with my youngest as I really enjoyed that one day a week together.

I see it as entirely the parents own choice and absolutely none of my fucking business.

I personally think, given a healthy home and social setting, kids are better off with their mum or dad for the first 3 years. I get that it’s not possible these days, and I was due back at work so I couldn’t do it, but I think it’s preferable.

Again, hardly the same as sending them to nursery on “every annual leave day”.

Mine went to nursery part time from 1 year and loved it. She actually made great progress as she copied the older kids and they had wonderful activities that really inspired play. She is also a very adventurous eater there.

She will be going full time in September to help prepare her for school and I am certain she will continue to thrive.

I wouldn't have sent my child to nursery when I was on annual leave. Nursery is a necessity for working parents.
Sounds like you don't like each other - that's OK.

Just accept your own choices, and stop judging others.

My observations have always suggested that the most confident, happy and advanced under 3s are part time in nursery. Part time get social skills, independence skills and also one to one. They know parents will come back.
Full time with parent get into weird power struggles. Full time in nursery are overtired
Unfortunately the UK funding system are making the part time option less viable

Hey OP, I work in childcare in Germany where the pedagogy is a bit more advanced than the UK, but I think regardless nursery does have plenty of benefits. Children learn a lot from the other children, they learn about setting their own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others, they learn social competence, the importance of sharing, compromise, conflict resolution, how to recognise and respond to the emotions of others, their language acquisition is developed (kids talk way more to each other than a SAHP can talk to their child), they learn self-sufficiency, self-efficacy and a degree of emotional regulation. Parents tend to do everything for their kids because it's quicker - in childcare kids need to learn to do things themselves. This is healthy and good for their self-esteem! Children aged 2 and up can benefit if the group is small and with plenty of loving support from adults, but kids aged 3 will benefit even if the group is larger. It is also important to note that kids also benefit from situations which push them out of their comfort zone, this is important for learning resilience and problem-solving. I don't think being at home alone with mum or dad is actually good for kids past age 3, from what I've seen, the kids who go to daycare at 4 lag behjnd the other children socially and emotionally, and sometimes linguistically too. Of course the daycare should be a nice place with appealing room design and warm caregivers - if it's basically prison for children with no structured activities and bored demotivated staff, the benefits will be greatly reduced.

How does your toddler react to dropoffs and how old are they?

Well, one of the benefits nursery provides some children is a roof over their heads and dinner on the table……things that are paid for by parents working.

Yes, a very good daycare nursery is hugely beneficial.

Kids love being with other kids. All mine went 3 days a week to a wonderful community, not-for-profit nursery, which was run by a management committee of parents. Then they had a weekday with each of us. Then, weekends with both of us. They were never in nursery more than 2 days at a time. So they spent 4 days (i.e. more time) at home. We both worked 4 days a week each, which meant both our earning and career potential was the same. That’s benefitted me (and the DC) in later life. My DSs think it’s normal for a dad to look after their kids and a mum to work outside the home and have her own income.

My kids developed quickly, e.g. with potty training, speech, socialising because they learnt from older children. The nursery was 6 months to 5 years and had three interconnecting rooms. At certain points in the day, the children could go where they wanted and all the older kids loved visiting ‘baby room’, and the babies loved it too. The carers sat at the table to eat a home cooked lunch with them. They all got along very well, worked there for years and even went on holidays and nights out together. They were all well-qualified and saw themselves as professionals. There was a loving, family atmosphere.

A large, commercial nursery with a high turnover of staff for 5 days a week may be much more stressful for a child. I was raised by a SAHM and it was lonely and stressful. She made me scared of leaving her and going out into the world. We’ve never been that close.

Sounds more like you are judging her for being a sahp.

I think if I'm being honest it depends on the nursery.
If you're got staff passionate about early development and children at heart, massively beneficial.
If you've a bunch of teenage (I was a teenage mum so I'm not being ageist about their ability to look after children) on apprenticeships who are still very much in the mindset of school yard drama, it's not beneficial for the children.

A good nursery needs a good range of staff, all sexes, ages, cultures who are passionate about working with little ones. Nursery staff whilst working more sociable hours than care workers are still paid a pittance for having quite intense days.

My 10mo is thriving at nursery. Thankfully it is a small nursery, there are only 3 children in the baby room. I wouldn’t have sent her to a bigger more chaotic setting. I know people who send their children into ones with 50 odd kids and it looks and sounds like a war zone. I dropped her off this morning and she was kicking her legs with a huge grin when I handed her to the woman who looks after her. When I went to look round before she was born I was really struck by how calm the setting was, it’s wonderful.

I genuinely wish we’d stop all the handwringing over the impact of different types of childcare on children’s wellbeing. It’s a waste of time when most of those who use it do it out of necessity or because they see a benefit for their own child.

In the grand scheme of ways you can screw up your kids, nursery is nowhere near the top of my list!

I used nursery from when dd was 14mths- when she went to school. She loved it but she did love days with mummy more. I needed and wanted to work though and without family around it was a choice we made.
there are too many variables- the quality of the nursery, the time in the nursery, the quality of the parents etc etc.