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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

282 replies

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 04:58

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

OP posts:
SandieWooz · 19/03/2025 10:41

Without sounding harsh, why is it falling on your shoulders to help a relative abroad? Has that relative no other family or friends around? I cannot see how a very short visit is going to help. I certainly wouldn’t be leaving my children behind, especially as they’re too young. Your priorities are with your OWN family.

Antonania · 19/03/2025 10:46

Absolutely not, because you are saying there is no back up in emergencies. The lack of network doesn't justify leaving him alone - it's actually the reason you shouldn't IMO.

Jackienew · 19/03/2025 10:48

My child almost 14 asked to stay home alone while we were only 20 minutes away from from her, We had only just got to the place that we were going to when she text us wanting us to come home, and this was after months and months of her nagging is to be left home alone, would I risk being out of the country No

zeibesaffron · 19/03/2025 10:48

No I wouldn’t leave a 14 yo over night.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/03/2025 10:50

I wouldn’t leave a 14 year old alone overnight even if I was staying in the country. What if your flight was cancelled. What if you were in a car accident whilst you were over there.

i think many 14 year olds would cope provided everything went right. Many, even confident kids would be quite anxious alone overnight.

MichaelandKirk · 19/03/2025 11:04

I have my tin hat at the ready but people who say they have NO support network. No other parents at child's school, no friends, just nothing whatsoever.

I would never leave myself so vunerable and make sure I had some back up plan.

Surely as a parent we need to ensure that there is something. Not just you?

TheHerboriste · 19/03/2025 11:10

Jackienew · 19/03/2025 10:48

My child almost 14 asked to stay home alone while we were only 20 minutes away from from her, We had only just got to the place that we were going to when she text us wanting us to come home, and this was after months and months of her nagging is to be left home alone, would I risk being out of the country No

What was her reason?

Itsmeocathy · 19/03/2025 11:20

Too young OP. As pps have said, your child is your priority, not the relative abroad. What if something happened to you, or your flights or travel were delayed, leaving them alone for even longer?

LimeQuoter · 19/03/2025 11:21

No, I wouldn't. I completely hear you that your kid is very capable. I'm a single mum of a 14 year old also and like that my son is quite independent. But that said, if left alone too long they can get scared and can panic, especially with the thought of their only parent being in another country, which is not fair on them really and is also a risk factor because they might do something different when scared. If you have a neighbour you can trust, I would ask them to keep an eye/send them over to a classmates house

VanCleefArpels · 19/03/2025 11:22

MichaelandKirk · 19/03/2025 11:04

I have my tin hat at the ready but people who say they have NO support network. No other parents at child's school, no friends, just nothing whatsoever.

I would never leave myself so vunerable and make sure I had some back up plan.

Surely as a parent we need to ensure that there is something. Not just you?

Completely agree - what would happen if involved in a car crash for example? Or needed surgery and hospital stay

Comedycook · 19/03/2025 11:30

I'd be an anxious mess if I was abroad with my dc at home with no one to call in an emergency...

I know schools are hot on attendance nowadays, but I'm sure if you said we have a family emergency abroad so she won't be in for two days, it would be fine. Just take her with you

1sttimeforeverything2 · 19/03/2025 11:32

I'm sorry to hear about this issue. You say there are no friends to stay with. Kindly, this is quite unusual? Does your DC not have any friends?

anyolddinosaur · 19/03/2025 11:34

Odd situation. How has this child no friends whose mum would take them overnight? I'd have taken a child's schoolmate overnight in an emergency, even if I didnt like the child.

1mabon · 19/03/2025 11:38

If anything happened, you would never forgive yourself. The McCanns come to mind. Under no circumstances should you leave them alone.

Sunat45degrees · 19/03/2025 11:39

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 06:13

OP is only asking because she's in a bind, she's not asking if she should go out on an overnight jolly.

It wouldn't ever occur to me to leave DC alone overnight for any other reason, but this is a challenging family situation. There are no friends/classmates to leave DC with. There are a lot of flights daily to the destination so unless airport shutdown the delay wouldn't be a huge issue. It's emergency situation I'm concerned about

I really don't want to kick you while you're down, but I don't really understand this. He's 14. Surely he has at least a few friends, one of whom would be wililng to take him in for the night? Or, surely YOU have at least one friend, one of whom would be willing to take him in for the night.

DS is 14. He's not a kid with LOADS of friends, but there are enough people out there that I'd feel comfortable in a situation like this contacting a couple of other families and asking if he could stay over foro this one school night. I also have one or two local friends who would happily step in - but he'd probably hate that! Similarl,y I would not normally allow a week night sleepover but if "Dave"'s mum contacted me and asked in an emergency situation like this (for example), of course I'd say yes.

Antonania · 19/03/2025 11:41

MichaelandKirk · 19/03/2025 11:04

I have my tin hat at the ready but people who say they have NO support network. No other parents at child's school, no friends, just nothing whatsoever.

I would never leave myself so vunerable and make sure I had some back up plan.

Surely as a parent we need to ensure that there is something. Not just you?

I wonder if it is sometimes that people don't like to impose. In practice if asked I suspect a lot of people would help in an emergency - random neighbours or parents at school even if they are not really friends - but it's a bit of a leap to ask them and to trust them.

I'm struggling to imagine how it could be such a crisis that you need to be there and there are no other options, but also not such a crisis that your child can't miss 2 days of school.

purplecorkheart · 19/03/2025 11:47

No I wouldn't. I remember a friend of my parents did this once with their son. He told a couple of friends in school. It went around social media and loads of older students landed to the house to party. He was scared to say no. House was trashed.

TubeScreamer · 19/03/2025 11:56

If there are lots of flights daily, and you absolutely can’t take your dc with you, could you instead take a very early flight and come back the same day.

Original poster
iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 12:11

Thank you for all responses.
Count your blessings if you don't understand the situation when you have no-one to ask. DC is a loner and never went on sleepover, there are a couple of friends and I believe they'd agree to take them, but I don't have guts to ask. Thank you to those who understood this.

It's sorted now, I'm taking DC from school and we're going together. It's exactly this situation of what-if that I can't allow to happen.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 19/03/2025 12:16

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 12:11

Thank you for all responses.
Count your blessings if you don't understand the situation when you have no-one to ask. DC is a loner and never went on sleepover, there are a couple of friends and I believe they'd agree to take them, but I don't have guts to ask. Thank you to those who understood this.

It's sorted now, I'm taking DC from school and we're going together. It's exactly this situation of what-if that I can't allow to happen.

I am really sorry you are in this situation - there's no easy answer.

But if you find yourself in a similar issue another time, please just ask a friend. Having a teenager in your house for a couple of nights isn't a huge ask - it's not a baby or toddler - and any reasonable person would be fine to help out someone who has a difficult situation. I know it's really hard to ask so just trying to encourage you. if the emergency is that intense you might need to return and it would be good to have a plan for next time.

Ddakji · 19/03/2025 12:20

That’s good you’ve found a solution.

But going forward, will you work on building a local network because that will be invaluable.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/03/2025 12:23

Agix · 19/03/2025 05:01

NSPCC advises that children under 16 are not left alone overnight.

@Agix

The nspcc is not a legal framework

Whoarethoseguys · 19/03/2025 12:27

I'm sorry you have an emergency but I don't think you can leave a 14 year old alone overnight while you are In a different country. It would probably be ok but what if your flight was delayed, what if your 14 year had an accident? Sorry there are to many what ifs
You say you have no family but has she any friends she could stay with overnight?

Whoarethoseguys · 19/03/2025 12:28

Whoarethoseguys · 19/03/2025 12:27

I'm sorry you have an emergency but I don't think you can leave a 14 year old alone overnight while you are In a different country. It would probably be ok but what if your flight was delayed, what if your 14 year had an accident? Sorry there are to many what ifs
You say you have no family but has she any friends she could stay with overnight?

Sorry I have just seen that you are now taking your child with you.
I'm pleased this was been resolved.

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 12:32

I see you have found a solution so thats good.
Quite aside from anything else if your DS was to mention it at school or something then school may feel they need to report it to SS.
As for The NSPCA not making laws this is true and the under 16's thing is just a guide BUT if anything happens to a child left alone who is under 16 then action could be taken against a parent