Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

[iloveapplesandcakes]

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

This. PSA to @iloveapplesandcakes and all Mumsnetters.
Get a village. We all need local friends we trust for just this eventuality.

No. As a school safeguarding lead, I would report you to social services.

As a child protection social work manager I wouldn't do anything with this referral

This has shocked me more than the op contemplating flying abroad and leaving her 14yo home alone

Why? I wouldn't do it (though I have left my 14yo home alone overnight before - just wouldn't do it and leave the country with no trusted adult nearby) but it wouldn't meet our threshold for intervention. It's still a parenting choice.

ETA you know Kevin mcallister was 8 years old right?

Well as long as the slim bandits are still behind bars then everything should be ok

no I wouldn’t unless a relative could pop in or she could have a sleepover with a friend.
my almost 14 DD is very sensible and independent and could absolutely manage this practically but I think she would be scared.

It's really sad that we have gone backwards in terms of teaching children independence or rather that we live in a society where there are now more dangers than previous generations.

I’ve left mine overnight at 14, she was more than capable and quite happy about it. I wasn’t abroad though and we had close by neighbours who she could go to in an emergency.

Glad you're taking him. We didn't always have the easiest set of circumstances and because of that I made sure we had a support network be it a school mum, a relative whatever.

Leaving a 14yr alone overnight whilst you left the country should never have been considered. Particularly in your own words a loner who probably wouldn't know what to do in the event of an emergency, or you being delayed whatever.

I think it's also important to think outside the box when building a support network, not just other parents and family, which not everyone has. On the list of people I could call in a similar situation are some no-kids friends who WFH and could come and hang out at my house for 24hrs. I try and do a lot of favours for other people whenever I can so I don't feel too bad asking (e.g. DH is at a friend's flat right now to meet their boiler repairman cos friend can't get off work)

never

This is the best outcome. Second to this would have been saying you couldn't go. For me it's not at all about the capability or connections of the 14 yo, it's 'what level of emergency justifies leaving a minor alone because apparently only I can deal with it and it has to be by physically going there myself?' Whoever the emergency affects, they're not 14.

Absolutely no way.

Yes, or even neighbours. I don't have kids and don't interact with most of the families around me, but certainly if anyone asked I'd do a favour. It wouldn't put me out to have the kid here to watch TV in the evening and sleep on the inflatable bed or for me to sleep on their sofa for one night, from say 10pm to 6 or 7am. I'm insomniac so awake most of the night anyway.

A different scenario to what? Im just talking about emergencies and what can happen, the unexpected and how would a child know who to phone and what to google for that

There wasnt a heating issue, it was an issue with the alarm but in order to give the all clear the gas person has to confirm its an issue with the device and his machine wouldnt give the all clear, so then it became at my discretion as to whether he was going to turn the gas off or not. I said no and that we would try his suggestion of getting a new alarm that evening. Problem solved but of course you dont take chances with gas and C02

Im not sure your strange tone is helpful, you sound accusatory for some unknown reason.

The responses on this thread have been shockingly ignorant, unhelpful and judgmental. I completely get it OP. Hope it goes well

Yes, this. This wouldnt meet threshold for anything.

I know. And it would probably be another job trying to get your teenager to go on the sleepover at short notice. I think you did the right thing. Enjoy your trip too and try not to worry about your need to bring your teenager. You gotta do what you gotta do. On the other hand, if it's anything to do with an abusive ex, cancel immediately!

Glad you are sorted op.

I am a single parent and get it. I have done this exact scenario. Safety nets included neighbours on call, family at end of phone, school friends mum aware, very frequent texting w dc.

it went fine. Mega stressful for me tbh. But dc loved it. Did it again several times when I had to travel for work.

now he is 17 and extremely independent. I feel I worked well for us.

Absolutely not. What if you didn’t make it back?

Considering the other option would be they both 'don't make it back' if she takes him with her this is hardly the reason it's a bad idea!

No, dont understand a parent who would take their child out of school when they say it's to an undesirable situation rather than ask another parent. Most people dont bite, you just buy them a bottle of wine or flowers or something to say thanks afterwards.

MN is a funny place.

Last year I asked what others thought about me leaving my dd16 and her friend for 2 nights whilst I stayed just 20 miles away with my dsis and parents living just around the corner from us so they were on hand if a problem occurred.

I was made to feel like the worst parent, ever.

Yet many on this thread are telling op it is more than fine to leave a 14 year old completely alone whilst the only responsible adult in their life goes out of the country.

Yeah there was another thread recently about what age it would be appropriate to leave offspring asleep upstairs in a B&B/hotel while you go downstairs to the lounge, same building, and loads of people said "not til they're 18 obviously"