Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

[iloveapplesandcakes]

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

Depends on the kid. I know mature 14 year olds and dimwitted, flighty people at all ages.

Odds are that everything will be fine.

Sorry but I’d see if they could sleep at a friends house.

I think it would not be the end of the world to leave them overnight. You need to have emergency procedures in place for them to follow if a problem arose.

Have you got a neighbour or anyone close to hand if there was an emergency?

You say you have no one to help - what would your child do if you got run over? Surely you must have discussed some sort of plan if an emergency ever happened in your daily life?

Whilst 14 yo may appear mature, they are still very much children.

The OP has not explained the back-up situation - the lack of a friend to stay with is surprising, but there has been no mention of supportive neighbours and presumably no nearby family or the DC could stay there.

There are so many ordinary things that could happen which would panic a normal 14yo, not to mention the unlikely but possible.

School closed down for boiler issues etc
Burst pipe
gas leak
smoke alarm/CO monitor going off
power cut - some can be lengthy, especially in rural areas
loss of phone signal
Being spooked by strange noise, storm etc
Being ill/having an accident (easy to cut yourself, slip in the shower etc)
Fire

I don't think it is fair to leave a 14yo overnight. I don't think it's right.

If you really can't find someone to stay with them, or someone they can stay with, then you have to take them with you.

I would ask if they could have a sleepover with a friend.

That said, my mum used to leave me home alone from 12/13 for 3-5 days at a time when she needed to travel for work. I was sensible and I took myself to school and made my dinners and looked after the dog. This was pre-mobile phones and the only time I heard from her was when she called me, so I couldn’t have even reached her in an emergency.

It was generally completely fine and I was happy to get on with it, except there was one time I fell down the stairs and dislocated my knee. I spent the next 24 hours until she came home on the sofa with a bag of frozen peas before she took me to A&E. That said, while nothing really terrible happened, my mum is definitely not the sort of parent I want to be. 😂 I would organise a sleepover.

Absolutely not without a back up plan for anything that might go wrong - child gets scared, something unforseen goes wrong in the house that child wouldn't know how to deal with eg power cut, leaking pipe, gas leak or something happens your end meaning you can't get back as planned (flight delay).
Unless you've got a friendly neighbour willing to help out ICE or your DC can stay over with a friend then it's a definite NO from me.

Your DC probably says they're fine with it now, but once they're on their own and know you're out of reach, it might be a different story.

I agree with this, and it is what I am doing, as a fellow single mum. There are now four of us, who will be there for each other in such a situation. Our children aren't especially besties, but would be ok in an emergency to hang out and sleep over. Absolutely build your local network, OP. (And other single mamas.)

In answer to OP, no, I wouldn't do it, and I have a sensible 14yo too (and also a younger child).

I wouldn't. My DS will be 16 next month and haven't left him alone over night yet. Once he's 16 then I think i probably will. Even then though, I'd def want someone local as an emergency contact, if I wasn't in the country.

Why can’t they stay with a school friend? I had to go away over night, very last minute. I just started calling around my kids friends mums asking for a favour for them to stay overnight. It was all sorted within half an hour due to a couple of very kind mums.

100000% no

It is highly unusual that a 14 year old doesn't have a single friend that could have them overnight. Or that the OP doesn't know anyone else at all.

I have a 17 year old and have only just recently let them spend a night on their own. What would worry me the most is that children even up until 18 are less likely to wake for fire alarms and things like that. I’d either take them with or let them go to a friends or something.

I don’t know - think it is fairly unusual for a 14 year old to have absolutely nobody they could stay with overnight in an emergency.

That person may not be their best mate or even anyone they’ve had a sleepover with before, but they’ll have someone.

Wouldn't this trigger some kind of safeguarding referral? If the school can't help find a babysitter (very likely) but know that the op is planning on leaving a 14yo alone, then surely they must act on that info?

No. My 14yo ds is also very sensible, but I wouldn't leave him (and to be honest, I don't think he'd want to stay on his own overnight either, however sensible and confident he is). You'll be out of the country, too, so can't even get back quickly if there is some kind of emergency.

At least they could ask for references and a dbs check, if he went to a friends house you wouldn’t have that or even know who else is in the house. It’s not ideal but a better option.

Take him with you

The biggest problem is that apparently the child will have absolutely no one in the entire country that they could call for help if needed. That would mean they shouldn't be left alone.

I 100% would. At 14 they should be more than capable of managing and dealing with themselves.

If there is really no-one the 14 year old can stay overnight with, then best solution I can think of is that you take them with you. Book a hotel room to leave them in for the hours that you need to help your close relative with. That way at least you will be in close proximity to them, and get done what you need to do, whilst keeping 14 year old safe.

Unhelpful. It’s very lonely having no-one to turn to in a crisis. Never mind the reasons, the OP says they have no-one, I believe her.

There's a difference between a 14yo staying alone overnight when parent is abroad with a neighbour/friend/family close by and a 14 yo (seemingly) alone overnight with no adults to be there if needed.

Yes, 99.99% guaranteed nothing will happen. But should they be left alone in the OPs circumstances? Probably not.

I have an almost 14 year old daughter and I wouldn’t just yet, if everything went to plan it would be fine but it’s if anything went wrong. Does he have a friend he could have a sleepover with? Or a neighbour/friend he could call in an emergency?

Unfortunately in your position I would have to turn the friend down. She may need your help but your dc has to come first. 14 is a little too young to leave all alone whilst you are out of the country. Tbh, I wouldn't be much use to a friend in need as I would be constantly worrying how my dc was getting on.

Absolutely NO! Too much could potentially go wrong and if it did SS would certainly get involved. Sorry OP, you need to put your child first.