Page 9 | To report my son as missing?

stucky · 2025-03-18T21:23:36+00:00

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do. Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

RedRiverShore5 · 19/03/2025 07:32

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She probably has 2 DS's and posts about them separately

Sunshineandrainbow · 19/03/2025 07:35

I didn't mention the hopsital giving out Information.

My local hospital you can ring and the main switchboard will tell you if someone of that name is a patient in the hospital and what ward they are on.

I have to ring maybe 8 times a year within my job trying to track people.

Sunshineandrainbow · 19/03/2025 07:37

Toddlerteaplease · 18/03/2025 21:58

They will not tell you anything. They will not give information to done random
person on the phone.

Show quote history

I didn't mention the hopsital giving out Information.
My local hospital you can ring and the main switchboard will tell you if someone of that name is a patient in the hospital and what ward they are on.
I have to ring maybe 8 times a year within my job trying to track people

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/03/2025 07:40

Your son IS missing though, so I would definitely report

Miloarmadillo2 · 19/03/2025 07:43

I would not be happy to settle for second hand information that he’s with an unspecified friend. He’s not managed to charge his phone or get in touch for 4 days? Not been into work without calling in sick for 2? Get details and ask the police to do a welfare check. If he’s just massively hungover then he will be embarrassed into behaving better and not frightening you again but he may actually be in trouble.

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 07:53

You say in your other posts that your children are 14 and 23.

Which child is missing?

This isn't making any sense @stucky

Is there more to this than you're saying here?

Did you row?
Is he likely to take drugs?
Were you at home all weekend or staying with your partner?

I can't understand why his privacy is more important than his safety if he's been missing for several days.

Something's going on that you're not saying.

FluffyDashhound · 19/03/2025 08:10

Ring the bank explain and ask when they last used it? But yes ring the police

TwigletsAndRadishes · 19/03/2025 08:16

Something isn't right though. Now you've been told he's alive at least (if not necessarily alive and well) I'd be wanting to speak to him immediately. I'd be hugely concerned that he's not gone to work. I don't know if that's at all normal for him and whether he's known to be a bit flaky and irresponsible, in and out of casual work and a bit of a feckless stoner or cokehead, but if not I'd be extremely worried.

Is he in some sort of trouble? Is he hurt or ill, is he having a bad comedown from drugs or is he hiding from someone?

I would not be able to relax until I'd found out. I hope it's nothing too bad OP. I know what a worry they can be, even at this age when you'd hope they'd know better they still do stupid things sometimes.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 19/03/2025 08:17

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 07:53

You say in your other posts that your children are 14 and 23.

Which child is missing?

This isn't making any sense @stucky

Is there more to this than you're saying here?

Did you row?
Is he likely to take drugs?
Were you at home all weekend or staying with your partner?

I can't understand why his privacy is more important than his safety if he's been missing for several days.

Something's going on that you're not saying.

Edited

I guess the 23 yo is also this 22 yo. And they might actually be 21 or 24. Does it matter? People change small inconsequential details all the time to avoid being recognised. I know I do.

Original poster

stucky · 19/03/2025 08:18

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 07:53

You say in your other posts that your children are 14 and 23.

Which child is missing?

This isn't making any sense @stucky

Is there more to this than you're saying here?

Did you row?
Is he likely to take drugs?
Were you at home all weekend or staying with your partner?

I can't understand why his privacy is more important than his safety if he's been missing for several days.

Something's going on that you're not saying.

Edited

i have two sons . The one I had concerns about is 22.

No rows, no drugs (to my knowledge).

His privacy isn't more important than his safety, I just feel I know enough to wait for him
to come to me. He isn't a child, if he were I would be reacting differently. He has a right to make unwise decisions, I am choosing to respect his decision to have space for whatever reason at the moment. I'm not saying I am in any way happy with his behaviour or the outcome really. I'm just limited in what I can do and don't feel that it warrants involving the police. I have peace of mind enough and whilst I would prefer to know exactly where he is I've not been offered that information.

i was home all weekend, except Saturday night. I could tell he hadn't been home, the place was exactly the same and the cats were hungry. He typically feeds them Saturday night and Sunday morning when I am away.

There's nothing more pertinent to share.

OP posts:

RedRiverShore5 · 19/03/2025 08:18

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 07:53

You say in your other posts that your children are 14 and 23.

Which child is missing?

This isn't making any sense @stucky

Is there more to this than you're saying here?

Did you row?
Is he likely to take drugs?
Were you at home all weekend or staying with your partner?

I can't understand why his privacy is more important than his safety if he's been missing for several days.

Something's going on that you're not saying.

Edited

Posters are often vague about ages within a couple of years or so, I assume it is the 22/23 year old.

CelRa · 19/03/2025 08:22

stucky · 19/03/2025 08:18

i have two sons . The one I had concerns about is 22.

No rows, no drugs (to my knowledge).

His privacy isn't more important than his safety, I just feel I know enough to wait for him
to come to me. He isn't a child, if he were I would be reacting differently. He has a right to make unwise decisions, I am choosing to respect his decision to have space for whatever reason at the moment. I'm not saying I am in any way happy with his behaviour or the outcome really. I'm just limited in what I can do and don't feel that it warrants involving the police. I have peace of mind enough and whilst I would prefer to know exactly where he is I've not been offered that information.

i was home all weekend, except Saturday night. I could tell he hadn't been home, the place was exactly the same and the cats were hungry. He typically feeds them Saturday night and Sunday morning when I am away.

There's nothing more pertinent to share.

Show quote history

Being gentle, so as not to pry but equally worried for his safety - do you know where he is and who with? ( rather than a friend said).

I have been in this situation and would have wanted some direct contact or contact via an independent body (police, his work).

Original poster

stucky · 19/03/2025 08:25

TwigletsAndRadishes · 19/03/2025 08:16

Something isn't right though. Now you've been told he's alive at least (if not necessarily alive and well) I'd be wanting to speak to him immediately. I'd be hugely concerned that he's not gone to work. I don't know if that's at all normal for him and whether he's known to be a bit flaky and irresponsible, in and out of casual work and a bit of a feckless stoner or cokehead, but if not I'd be extremely worried.

Is he in some sort of trouble? Is he hurt or ill, is he having a bad comedown from drugs or is he hiding from someone?

I would not be able to relax until I'd found out. I hope it's nothing too bad OP. I know what a worry they can be, even at this age when you'd hope they'd know better they still do stupid things sometimes.

No I know, something isn't right and he's unhappy. He isn't a coke head, he went through a phase a couple of years ago when he first started to work in kitchens but it was a phase (as far as I know).

He is a 22 year old boy, when he's out I don't necessarily know what he does or where he goes. I hope that he's always honest with me and hope he knows I will always help him irrespective of what he's done. We are pretty close and recently he's been really great, helping around the house and the difficulties I had been having with him have subsided.

I think if something nefarious had/has happened that someone would make contact with me. That's what happened when he got jumped last year. I can only hope. The bank and his work won't share any information with me. Guessing due to GDPR and the data protection act, I only know because I messaged his colleague and best friend.

OP posts:

Clawdy · 19/03/2025 08:26

Keep us posted, OP.

butterpuffed · 19/03/2025 08:27

Have you spoken to the 'someone' who said he was at a friend's and verified this ? Surely he would have been in touch with his workplace if he knew he'd be absent .

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 08:32

stucky · 19/03/2025 08:25

No I know, something isn't right and he's unhappy. He isn't a coke head, he went through a phase a couple of years ago when he first started to work in kitchens but it was a phase (as far as I know).

He is a 22 year old boy, when he's out I don't necessarily know what he does or where he goes. I hope that he's always honest with me and hope he knows I will always help him irrespective of what he's done. We are pretty close and recently he's been really great, helping around the house and the difficulties I had been having with him have subsided.

I think if something nefarious had/has happened that someone would make contact with me. That's what happened when he got jumped last year. I can only hope. The bank and his work won't share any information with me. Guessing due to GDPR and the data protection act, I only know because I messaged his colleague and best friend.

Show quote history

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You say you are close. But this doesn't show that.

That to me means knowing , even roughly, who your child is with even when they are 22.

It's impossible if they are at uni or living away, but your son lives with you.

You need to talk to him and from now on he needs to give you some idea of where he is and when he will be back. This is basic relationship behaviour that anyone should share with a partner or a parent or even flat mates. Not every single detail but something.

He needs to understand where you're coming from as a mum. If he chooses to still live at home , he has to show some basic consideration.

Is his Dad around at all? Does he offer any support?

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 08:34

i have two sons . The one I had concerns about is 22.
No one's trying to trip you up but you have another thread where you said one was 23. That's why I checked because another poster had commented on it.

Caerulea · 19/03/2025 08:34

OP - you need to come at this from a different angle. He's still living at home so he's not fully independent & your lives are still intertwined in a way they wouldn't if he'd moved out.

In that regard he does owe you explanation out of basic respect to you as his mother. You're the only person who will always have his back. You can't choose not to be worried sick, you've a biological imperative to be!

If you have absolutely no idea, no previous hints at all, as to why he might have done this then, to me, that's all the more reason to track him down/involve the police. Why? Cos it suggests there's something you don't know - which is worrying.

If it turns out that this really was just a case of not thinking then you need to have a talk about respect cos this is a terrible way to treat your mum - ESPECIALLY a single mum.

I don't want to be blunt but there is a crisis (albeit not a new one) in the mental wellbeing of men & I'd move heaven & earth to ensure my sons didn't become a statistic.

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 08:41

I am choosing to respect his decision to have space for whatever reason at the moment. I'm not saying I am in any way happy with his behaviour or the outcome really. I'm just limited in what I can do and don't feel that it warrants involving the police. I have peace of mind enough and whilst I would prefer to know exactly where he is I've not been offered that information.

You need to ask. And explain why.

I'm sorry but if your son shares your home and therefore you have this worry over where he is, you do need to talk and agree a new way of going forwards.

He can't behave like this when he's living with you. If he wants complete privacy and freedom to come and go without anyone asking where, he needs to live away from you.

He doesn't have to tell you exactly what he's doing but it's basic consideration to keep in touch and not disappear for 5 days. He clearly doesn't appreciate how that looks- so much that you've had to ask anons on the web what to do.

All it needs is a call form him to say he's okay and he will be back on X day at roughly X time.

If he's working he will surely lose his job if he goes AWOL?

Time for him to grow up.

LittleCharlotte · 19/03/2025 08:42

You have no evidence that he's ok or that his friend is telling the truth.

He is behaving appallingly if he is genuinely ok but not getting in touch with you.

I'm a bit lost to be honest. If his friend turns out to be lying, what will you do? How will you find out?

Justhere65 · 19/03/2025 08:48

I feel very sad for him. If he was my son I would be there immediately making sure that he was okay and safe no matter how old he was. He could be in a fragile state and you need to think about his mental well-being.
As another poster has said, there is a crisis in the emotional well-being of our young nen.

HomeBodyClub · 19/03/2025 08:48

One minute he’s an adult the next you are calling him a boy.

He has a history of drug use, even if it was a phase, that is so easy to slip back into. He was jumped last year and you still don’t think it would be wise to check he is OK. Baffling.

I don’t know why you’re so hesitant.

AutumnScream · 19/03/2025 08:50

This thread is very strange and alarming. Why does the op keep banging on about breeching her sons privacy when he is literally a missing person who hasnt had a working phone for days (sorry but most phones are compatible chargers or wireless chargers now so theres no way he hasnt been able to charge his phone for days ) and that she actually has no proof he is at a friends house when all his other friends and colleagues dont know where he is.

No op is saying he has has previous (recent) issues with substance abuse but shes somehow certain him missing has nothing to do with this. Very suspicious and odd.

Haricots · 19/03/2025 08:51

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Use8535735 · 19/03/2025 08:54

Why is the OP dragging out this thread by rambling on about her son without actually reporting him missing? The thread title is asking people if the time frame is reasonable for reporting a young man missing, the resounding majority said yes. Yet OP is continuously bumping the thread with how it's not out of character for him to stay with friends for days and if something bad happened then someone would have already contacted her etc etc. Congrats on getting into trending though! Must be a dopamine rush to see all the new replies from concerned posters.