To report my son as missing?

[stucky]

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

Report him missing. Hope he is ok. Have you friends in real life who can hug, talk to you x

If you know the friend he’s supposedly with can you give the police that information and ask them to do a welfare check? I’d be worried he’s maybe injured or been mugged.

My DS is early 30s now and I probably would have done similar to you, the thing that would make me most alarmed would not be turning up at work, it is very difficult when they are adult to know quite what to do. Has he ever not been to work before, does he like his job. It's a lot easier when they don't live at home and you don't know their comings and goings.

Have you reported him missing? It isn’t clear from your posts. It is a good sign that one of his friends thinks he is at another friend’s house but it sounds very vauge.

Given you have tried to contact him, and hopefully his friends will have also tried, I really think you are doing the right thing to report him missing.

(If he is at a friends house as you say the police following it yo won’t do any harm but might give him a nudge to be more considerate)

I definitely wouldn’t be going on a vague suggestion that he’s supposedly at someone’s house, especially if he’s not been to work either OP, I’d still report him missing.
How reliable is the person who told you?
Can you go to the house and check?

If he is not wanting contact and you report him to the police would this make it worse?

I find it really hard to believe that a 22 year old wouldn’t charge their phone. Most phones have the same charger nowadays so if he really was with a friend then he’d borrow the charger. I get the feeling that this isn’t one of his usual friends and he’s crashing down from days of drinking and/or drugs and missed work.

Hope everything works out ok OP.
My DS is a similar age & I’d br out of my mind with worry.
It’s a bit odd about the phone.
In my experience they’d never go that long without charging and would be desperate to borrow a charger from someone.

Eh?

Exactly this, I wouldn't be satisfied with this kind of vague/flimsy information. Why didn't you ask that person for more details - which friend and which house, so you can contact them or go and check yourself? Also if he is unwell, chances are he would have called in sick at work, not just a no-show.

Your fixation in ensuring his privacy is respected is too much. He has a right to privacy but this is not that. It is inconsiderate and disrespectful best case. Worst case he needs help urgently.

Go and see him.

Hope he is home soon. You’re not unreasonable at all to worry where he is; at his age he has to just let you know where he is now and again; it’s only fair.

This isn't helpful at all. You don't know the circumstances. Why have a go if someone is already in a very bad place?

Have you actually spoken to him? If not, I'd still be reporting what you know and getting a welfare check if this is v out of character.

Hope you're ok and he's home soon

I’d still be wanting to speak to him.

I would check that he is definitely at the friends house.

Did you actually report him missing? I would be going out of my mind still. Can you go to friends' house to check on him?

I've had two siblings, both in their early 20's, a few years ago, decide to go "missing." Both vulnerable due to their age and both had different reasons. My mum wanted to respect their privacy and not embarrass my brother at uni and my sister not at her home.

I refused to listen and reported both siblings, at their various stages of disappearance as a police welfare check. A simple call and it eased the worry.

Both were OK and just decided they needed to dissappear. However as I explained to both that it's fine, they needed headspace. But they don't have a right to cause unnecessary worry, by refusing to check in and just explain they need space.

OP please just make the call and just do a simple welfare check and deal with the grumbles from your son afterwards. I hope his ok.

Sorry but I’m in actual disbelief here. You don’t actually know if he is with a friend as you haven’t had this confirmed with said friend. Nor have you actually spoken to your son.

Unless there is something you are purposefully missing out here, then this is all incredibly suspicious and tbh sounds like the beginning of some crime documentary.

WAKE UP and get on the phone to the police for gods sake. You are losing valuable time here.

I would definitely check on him. He is your son and may need your help. Don’t just leave him.

I wouldn’t take this friends word for it. Have the police check he is there.

Having a dead phone for days is unheard of. The first thing my daughter and her friends do when they come over to stay is hunt down anyone’s phone chargers.

She's got two DC. One of them is 22/3.