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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my son as missing?

459 replies

stucky · 18/03/2025 21:23

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

OP posts:
MrsMrsD · 19/03/2025 18:12

I hope he's home and safe OP x

OntheGolfCourse · 19/03/2025 18:12

Don’t beat yourself up about not contacting the police earlier, you know your son better than anyone else so I think you’ve given him the space most youngsters need/want but I think you know yourself that now is the right time.
Hope this turns out well for you.

Nikki75 · 19/03/2025 18:13

Ring the police... I'm sure he will turn up OK you are not being unreasonable at all...I have two sons 21 and 23 I feel your anxiety..
Keep us posted op xx

FOXYMORON1707 · 19/03/2025 18:22

Yes tho it’s called a welfare check!

ThisRedLion · 19/03/2025 18:24

Yes report i hope he's found safe and well 🙏 💓

GertieET · 19/03/2025 18:26

When my son was at uni (3rd year age 21) I hadn't heard from him for 3 days and no activity online. I contacted the police straight away and they did a welfare check to see if he was okay. The police were great and really understanding. I definitely think it's best to report it, if nothing else but peace of mind.

cavalier · 19/03/2025 18:29

Definitely report ! Please keep us posted I am thinking of your both x

tommyhoundmum · 19/03/2025 18:31

Please update us when you can

Debsnotts · 19/03/2025 18:38

Soo sorry about this but I’d definitely report him to the police , I hope everything turns out fine 🤞

CodyCat · 19/03/2025 18:48

Please call now if you haven’t already. In future ask that he let you know via quick text that he’ll be away so you don’t worry.🙏🏽 💖

Stanthedog15 · 19/03/2025 19:07

Please contact the police. Your son could be hurt. I'll lost or anything. Do not wait. Better to have him found but cross with you. Than !

Original poster
stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

OP posts:
Horses7 · 19/03/2025 19:12

Thank for update, hope it all works out

HardyCrow · 19/03/2025 19:13

AnnaL94 · 19/03/2025 01:12

Odd that he didn’t turn up for work. I’d be inclined to think he’s using drugs at the weekend, most likely cocaine and been on a massive bender and now on a massive comedown.

Or he’s struggling a bit with life and couldn’t be bothered to turn up for work or rang in sick.

I’m glad someone’s seen him/knows of his whereabouts -but if he lives with you I’d be having a chat with him to make sure everything’s okay when he does return to yours.

something of a stretch here

Laura95167 · 19/03/2025 19:13

stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

So pleased he's OK

soccermum10 · 19/03/2025 19:14

Phone it now

NavyHiker · 19/03/2025 19:14

Yes report him missing asap he's probably fine but that doesn't your unease about him and as we all know mum's intuition is rarely wrong , I'm sending my thoughts and wishes for good news
to you please post further news of him xx

ByGoldMember · 19/03/2025 19:14

Alls well that has ended well.

NikkiJ1985 · 19/03/2025 19:14

stucky · 18/03/2025 21:23

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

Please report him missing, it's better to know where his is and for him to be angry or embarrassed, than anything else!
I really do hope he gets in touch.
Also, I know you probably don't want your business all over social media, but post on FB, tiktok and Instagram and someone will probably reach out.
I wish you all the luck on the world x

OntheGolfCourse · 19/03/2025 19:15

Great news 😊 delighted he’s home. Ignore the negative comments, you clearly care deeply for your son and that’s all that matters.

CelRa · 19/03/2025 19:15

Please read the thread or at least the OP’s update before posting advice that is not required. @NavyHiker @NikkiJ1985

AnneWhitehurst · 19/03/2025 19:19

Glad he’s home safe - I have a 22 yr old son too. Great news. Well done.

NavyHiker · 19/03/2025 19:20

Oh I'm so relieved and happy for you , just hug him tight and keep telling him you love him xx😘

Fariella · 19/03/2025 19:21

Please do phone Police. If your son was in a car they use their systems to find out where the car pinged so that location would be known. Be strong love. All the best.

OneTealMentor · 19/03/2025 19:23

Fariella · 19/03/2025 19:21

Please do phone Police. If your son was in a car they use their systems to find out where the car pinged so that location would be known. Be strong love. All the best.

How come you didn't click on all the OPs comments before messaging?