To report my son as missing?

[stucky]

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

Multiple bodies of young men discovered locally recently, all having ‘gone missing’ on night out.

How many is “multiple” and how recent is “recently”? @Miloarmadillo2

This. ^ A 22 year old is not a 'boy.'

Have you actually spoken to him yet @stucky???

He’s not a “boy”

he’s a very vulnerable young adult

and I would be doing bloody anything and everything in the OP’s shoes, aside from just mumsnetting by the look of it

Looks like 3 young men in the past month have been found in the same body of water.

I just googled 'Bristol young men' which now I think of it looks dodgy af.

I understand your concern OP. DS was spiked on a night out when he was 18. Fortunately he made it home, I have always wondered how though, but then put his hand through the glass in our front door. We ended up in A&E and he has a huge scar on his hand as a result. I dread to think what may have happened if he hadn’t found a taxi though. He separated himself from his friends who had no idea he’d been spiked and there is a couple of hours he can account for since he has no memory of the night.
He’s now 20 and at uni. I try not to worry, he is much more street wise than I give him credit.

But he recently visited a friend in another big uni city. I woke up to a message that he’d lost his wallet. His problem was that it had his ID in it, my problem was that it also had his bank card in it and therefore access to his full term of maintenance grant. Fortunately he contacted the nightclub he’d been in and it had been handed in. Also he had transferred nearly all his money into his savings account thus reassuring me that he is actually starting to adult.

I have learned to let go but he is pretty good at keeping in touch and is happy to stay on find my phone so I can reassure myself he is safe when he doesn’t return home after a night out. I think after the spiking incident it’s as much for him as me. He does text me if he’s not coming home often in the middle of the night. I don’t ask him to but after a year at uni and on a couple of occasions worrying about friends who have gone awol he understands that it is worrying.

I don’t expect him to do it when he’s away but when he’s home it’s just good manners.

I’m sure he will talk when he’s ready. I’m lucky that DS’s friends will usually tell me if h s got up to anything embarrassing.

Definitely report it.

It's Wednesday, steadily getting on for Thursday, and no-one has seen hide nor hair of him since Friday. That's not normal, even if he's got form for going to stay at a friends for a day or two.

He's only 22, and as he's still living under your roof, definitely not independent. He sounds like a fairly vulnerable young adult.

FFS : if you are worried - if it’s out of the norm or it doesn’t feel or look quite right call the police (101 will do … 999 if it’s dangerous or life is at risk of course).
you don’t need to find people. You don’t need to worry about cost or wasting police time if something feels wrong. The police will judge when to action it.
And the police and their staff can access more phone info bank info car movements doctor info hospitals work data and other info. They can get loads of CCtV that the public can’t access.. if someone needs finding the police do this .. for free.. happily.

its just not a thing to discuss : if I’d not seen my neighbour for a day or so I’d be round checking and ringing the bell and damn right I’d call the police if I was worried.

Definitely should have reported the minute you had suspicion. My partner and I are in our early 20s and live together a few hours away from family. If my partners phone died and no one could get ahold of him I’d want it reported ASAP

Three, plus an older man, in the last month or so (one of them had been missing several months) plus still a big campaign locally from the family of Jack O’Sullivan who vanished a year ago. Nothing has been said by the police about any of them beyond announcing a body was found in the search for… so it may be a very sad coincidence, but at least one of them phoned 999 before disappearing.

Omg that’s bloody worrying. My DS is at uni down that neck of the woods. I only knew about the one boy missing from Bristol uni, I didn’t realise there were several.

None of this adds up to be honest.

He's staying with a friend but 'his phone's dead' - sounds sus, surely he would have means of charging it?

He's not contacted at all, even though you say you haven't fell out etc?

He hasn't turned up for work?

Who told you were he was? Can you trust them? and are you certain he is actually there and something hasn't happened to him?

I don't think you should wait for him to come home.

I agree 💯💯💯. This is just ridiculous. @stucky at least get the number of the person he is with so you can confirm he is actually there!

Has he turned up, OP?

So this is someone who has:

• Disappeared for days on end
• Hasn’t contacted his Mum or any of his friends
• Has neglected his pets
• Hasn’t turned up for work

If you don’t recognise that person as the son you know, OP, you must report him missing.

I haven't spoken to him, I messaged everyone I could think of to get information before i called the police and someone said he's at a friends with a dead phone. I am both furious and incredibly relieved. Planning to attempt to sleep once the adrenaline wears off

Who is "someone" ? Can you rely on what they have told you?

All sounds very odd OP and I don't think you have shared the full story (you don't have to of course but it's weird to ask for help and then disregard everything people say!)

I’m really sorry I don’t mean to frightened you but how do you know this person is telling you the truth, I’d call the police now, you see it on the tv all the time, someone has lied to bide their self some time, I understand that you want to respect your sons privacy but trust your mothers instincts call the police and call the hospitals.

Op I hope you have a positive update soon 🙏🏼

I would be the same as you OP and my son is 28, they're still your kids no matter the age. Hope you can let us know all is well soon.

Just do it X If you are worried what's the worst that can happen? Over protective mother? I would rather be seen as that over letting the worst happen x

How is the kind or helpful?

Let's face it, we all think, if he's not home tomorrow I'll ring police and report him missing, but he's probably with a friend and stayed at theirs. But if friends havnt seen him, plus he's not been to work, then yes, I'd report him missing. I really hope he just walks in through the door with some daft excuse, but yes, report him missing.

Definitely report go with a mothers instinct . Please give an update

I'm hoping you're going to update us that you've called the police, or that he has returned home. It's almost been a week that you haven't seen him for. If anyone I knew, living with me or not, related or not, had been missing for that long, I'd have reported it.
I'm concerned that that wasn't your first port of call tbh cause we all know there is no way he hasn't had access to a charger since Fri if he is, indeed, in a safe place!

OP is he OK?