DS was hit in the face by a child at school

[Lifestooshort1542]

AIBU to be feeling quite upset about this? 😢
There was an incident at school where DS (7) and some other children followed a year 6 child to an area of the school field where the year 6 child had gone ‘to cool down’ due to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated.
DS and others have gone over to see if he’s ok, and this boy has lashed out at DS who was in the firing line and hit him twice across the face.
School rang me and informed me of the incident and said he was ok but quite upset so sat with a teacher. The head was aware and the boy in question is being ‘dealt with’.

Im quite upset by this, Do I just accept this happened and let it go?
WWYD?

Do you seriously not understand the difference between an adult thumping someone (crime) and a primary aged child thumping someone (not a crime)???

I mean I don’t have any ND or violent children. Just try and raise mine not to be nobs and respect others boundaries 🤷‍♀️

What answer is it you want?

I’m talking about the 7yo as a victim. What don’t you understand? If you wouldn’t tell an adult victim of violence they’ve “learnt a swift lesson” why would we tell a 7yo that? Does it hurt less when you’re 7? Does it hurt less if the perpetrator is ND?

What age does violence become unacceptable then?

And so what if the school is dealing with it - if they’re downplaying it, which schools do do, should the OP just sit by an STFU and not advocate for her son?

Well the child is at the age of criminal responsibility so it is a crime.

Again I’m talking about victims - is someone less of a victim if they’re punched by a child - even a much younger her child? Would a baby or be a victim?

I'd be very surprised if the OP bothers coming back since her thread has just been turned into pages and pages of meltdown.

Sounds like you’re raising them to say if they’re hit it’s their fault.

And no that’s not the answer - I’m asking why child victims are treated with a different narrative than adult victims?

Are you going to answer why it’s different for kids or keep making short flippant statements like they mean anything?

Its not about the ‘who’s the victim’.

the seven year old was cared for. He’s fine. The 10 year old was dealt with - he’s fine.

Arguably they could both be considered victims.

if they were hit by an adult, or a much older child I would see your point. But they weren’t. It was an incident which can be chalked up to a learning event because they are kids. One learned not to poke the bear, the other learned not to lash out at the poker.

im not sure what else you are hoping for here?

No one is condoning child abuse - it’s a playground spat. A non event.

Of course it should be about victims. Them being ok doesn’t minimise what’s happened.

Well obviously hitting is not ok and the school have said they are dealing with things.
it would be a good opportunity to teach your ds that when someone is feeling overwhelmed and is rightly removing the self, leave them alone. Your ds is only young so wouldn’t know but it’s a good time to help him understand

the other child is also young and learning to manage themselves. Removing themselves was the correct thing to do. They couldn’t cope with the overstimulation. They needed to be left alone to regulate themselves.

So once again, I’ll ask what would you like them to do differently. What is your advice to the op?

Most people’s view is nothing - it was dealt with.

Not necessarily. If a group of men followed a woman as she went off to be on her own and wouldn’t stop harassing her then she would be unlikely to be seen as the perpetrator if she lashed out at a perceived threat.

it’s all in the context.

The school is dealing with it, I wouldn't do anything further as far as the school goes.

I'd praise my son because his instincts were kind. I'd tell him the boy shouldn't have hit him, and that hitting is not ok.

I'd explain to him that sometimes people get overwhelmed and need to walk away to cool off, and it's best to leave them to it.

I get overwhelmed and need to isolate sometimes. One of the biggest issues I had with my ex husband was that he would follow me around when I was trying to cool down. It felt like torture to me, not being able to regular myself. I never hit him, because I'm an adult and I have more self-control than an 11-year-old child does.

I’ve given advice to the OP.

My grievance is the victim blaming on MN.

Wow…..
A lot of replies here and a lot of views…
To clear a few things up:

The school is small so all year groups mix closely and play together with many younger ones having siblings etc in higher years.

For those that have found the thought of a 7 year old ‘going to see if an older
child is ok’ rather than to wind them up as unbelievable - My son is a kind and empathetic boy who is taught at this school to check in on those who look upset and may need a friend.

‘Your child has learnt a swift lesson’ - A lesson in what? Getting whacked across the face THREE times (school informed me I thought it was twice) for trying to be kind and help others?

I have spoken to the school now and they have clarified that it was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time when the boy lashed out, and it was not because the younger children were winding him up. There was 3 of them my DS included who were trying to help the boy.

Reading some of these posts, it makes me wonder what kind of a world we live in nowadays… when did it become ok and acceptable for ND children to lash out because they are ‘feeling overwhelmed’ and excuse them for physical violence because of their label?

It is not ok.

If it was the other way around and a NT child
hit a ND child I’m pretty sure the outcome would be different and the views on here from the people blaming a 7 year old for ‘not respecting boundaries’ would be different.

It’s not ok but it does happen.

the other child was trying to self regulate himself. Even with the best of intentions your child got in the way of this. Learning that some people need space isn’t a bad thing.

in an ideal world all children with additional needs would always be perfectly regulated but that’s not how it works. Just like your child is learning the other child is also learning how to deal with their bodies reaction to things.

I appreciate everything that you've said. But as PPs have said the older DC was using the tools he had learnt. An empathetic 7 year old should understand giving people space, he isn't a baby anymore. Something to work on, that's all.

I believe your son was being kind. I have a kind son too who’d do the same because he wouldn’t always understand that a another child needs to cool off in a certain way (and why would they, they aren’t psychic, they’re 7).

Your boy isn’t to blame, and I’m so glad you’re advocating for him and not taking the AWFUL advice from players here to have a go at him or teach him it’s ok for ND children to hit. It’s not. parents of ND children are often deeply sensitive about this issue and I think you just hit a nerve with a few.

Geez, talk about victim blaming!

I also think of you and a 7yo DD who was hit the responses would be different. But for some reason on MN little boys are expected to be much wiser and tuned in than little girls and there’s v little sympathy for when they’re hurt

What I don't understand is posters always state ND should understand this or that but expect NT DC not to develop any emotional intelligence by KS2

What I don’t understand is players who think a 7yo should have superior emotional intelligence and know the specific needs of individual ND children, but someone 3-4 years their senior (an enormous gap when you’re a child) should be violent because they’re ND.

Is it really helping ND children by making excuses for violence? Really?

Giving people space isn't superior emotional intelligence. My 3 YO understands giving people space.

There is nothing to suggest OP's child was goading the older boy. You've made that up. The fact you'd be furious with your child, suggests that either your kids are prone to unkind behaviour or that you are a harsh, unkind parent. The OP's 7 year old has done nothing wrong, he was being kind. The teachers have confirmed that.