To think it's odd this family don't use terms of endearment?

[WhatGoesHere]

So, a family I've known for over 35 years, all lovely people etc but they don't use any form of endearment in every day life. I've spent many days and nights and holidays etc with them, so have seen them at their best, worst and all in between.
There's no darling/hun/sweetheart/dear/dearest etc
It was so jarring once I noticed.

AIBU it think it's a bit odd?

I mean, nothing at all to do with me, doesn't affect me... but find it a little sad to be frank.

My family are very loving but we don't really use terms of endearment. I don't call my husband darling or love or anything, just his name! But I adore him. I occasionally call the children love or lovely but not that often.
Thinking about other couples and families I know, a lot of them ont publicly use these terms either!

OP you seem to think because people don't express love or affection or chavvy false declarations of lurrve or terms of endearment in public then there is something wrong with them.

you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. why does it bother you so much.

Are people not allowed to be different in your world?

Pretty much nails it 😂

I don't use what you might call terms of endearment. I call DH Arse. He calls me Fart Feature. Those are our "terms of endearment."

When my DDs start with "Mother Dearest" then I know a demand for something or a request for a huge favour is coming!!

Nicknames do kind of bond people, I suppose. I don't think you've really arrived in some military circles until you've acquired a nickname and the more ridiculous the better. One of my friends is in the army and known as "Porkchops." He's very highly thought of.

Then there's the organised crime/mafia community. They all seem to have silly names for each other and I don't suppose many people would call them overly sentimental.

I wonder if they do a "Goodnight Chorus" like the Waltons when they're in the Big House.

"Night, night Phil the Bubble!"
"Goodnight Jack The Hat!"
"Sweet Dreams, Mickey Eyes!"
"See ya tomorrow, Jimmy The Fly!"
"Get some kip, Babyface Monroe!"

I can just imagine 6’2” DS17 if I responded to a shout of “MUTHAAAAA” with “yes sweetie?”

actually…… maybe this is why he thinks I love the dog more than him…… I greet the dog with “hey there gawjus”

Aww my Nana used to call us Chicken. Fond memories. My son is usually Choo Choo related to his name he's 13..Op I think you got a tough crowd today ☺️

My parents don't use them! My sisters and I were the shortened versions of our names as children, unless we were in trouble, when it was full name time! I now call my dc loads of different terms of endearment - not that I particularly missed being called them as a child, but I do enjoy using them. DH sometimes calls me "hun" or "babes" as a joke, but other than that we just use our names.

The most I can manage is 'mate'. That goes for the kids I teach too. I'd like to be someone who calla everyone love or chick or love, because it definitely works on kids in terms of making connections, but I just can't do it.

I came from a family who used terms of endearment liberally, but I just can't, because it's not me. Unless you're an animal.

I call my DH dickhead and c*ntface. He would be shocked if I used a term of endearment.

My kids all have nicknames which are I guess instead of terms of endearment.

I know plenty of people in families who aren't as rude as mine but still don't use words like you suggested. I think it's quite normal.

Tbf neither mine or DHs wider family do it either.

This just reminded me... The other day DC2 ran into the room I was in and shouted "sugar" (meaning "I want some sweets/chocolate")
I responded "yes, honey?" and honestly, I've never seen such a look of disgust 😂

I don't use terms of endearment to adults.
Kids, I will if thry are upset or occassionally if they are ill or I want them to do something so I suppose I use it passive aggressively in that way 😂etc but its not a regular thing we do.

Not a term of endearment as such, but my friend ends every text to her husband with ‘love you’. So, she’ll text ‘leaning work now, home in 20 mins, love you’ or ‘can you get milk on your way, love you’ or ‘parcel arrived, love you’. She tells people this as if it’s a sign of how much she loves him, but to me it seems utterly contrived and insincere. Particularly when she’s often to be found snapping at him in person.

My DH and I find it weird when we use each other’s actual names - we have a host of pet names for each other (I struggle to call them endearments when they include terms like ‘moron’ 😂). I’d find it super-odd to be around a household that doesn’t use them. But each to their own - I don’t think I’d find it sad, just a little jarring not to see the PDAs.

To the pp who consoles themselves with their belief that those who are flashily and publicly affectionate have the weaker relationships…sorry, nah! My other half and I are super-affectionate publicly and we’ve been together 14 years. Still going strong and not looking likely to falter any time soon! Just different strokes for different folks.

Oh yes actually i've never heard my in laws call husband anything other than his name and not shortened .

My parents called me pet, apt actually as I was extremely enmeshed/parentified.

I call my husband by his name, never used an endearment. Sometimes call my child sweetie pie but not outside the house!

That's not what she said. She said she uses lovely adjectives to describe them so presumably stuff like she is a clever girl, he is a kind boy, they are sweet children etc. Terms of endearment are generally used when speaking to, not speaking about, someone. Plus an adjective would not generally be considered a term of endearment.

My family never used them much. My mum sometimes did with me as a child, but rarely. My parents never did with each other. My granny sometimes called me sweetheart when she was very old and couldn't remember my name, but that was a new thing in her last couple of years. Every family is different.

I hear colleagues calling each other duck and pet and my love all the time, but I find that I just can't do it. It feels so alien and weird to me, because I haven't grown up doing it.

No one in my blood family uses pet names at all. Mum and dad never called us pet names or used those kinds of endearments ever, I'd still say we're close. My grandma remarried a few years a go to a cockney guy who calls us all darlin', which we all found very jarring at first!

Weirdly I do call my DD sweetheart, but I got that from my DH

I like terms of endearment towards family and friends. What I don't like is having jokingly called my partner "babes" and "babycakes" in the early days of our relationship, and over a decade later it's stuck and is still going strong. We make ourselves cringe using it - especially in public - but now there's no going back, even if we tried! 😅

Lol yes! I call my parents by their names (that's a whole other thread) but when I was a kid, there were times when I'd start a conversation with 'muuuuuummmy....' and she said she knew I was after something and would always reply 'yes, daughter?'

I would find it cringey to say “darling” “sweetheart” etc.

We have a pet name for my DH and me (same made up word) that I would never say in front of anyone, not even the kids (I have slipped and they were like WHAT) 🤣

For the kids it will be bubba or some variation of it. Sweetie, darling all seem way too old lady/ middle-class for me 🤣

I use terms of endearment with kids under 7 and dogs. Anyone else I just can't. My parents didn't verbally tell me that they loved me but I know they did so it doesn't bother me at all. Terms of endearment come easily to some people and it sounds natural from them but if it's forced it does sound cringey.

I might call my dc sweetheart occasionally but dh and I never use terms like that. I don't mind others doing it though except......

My love, that's makes me want to rip my ears off 😀

My cat though is a different matter,
She is my little princess, munchkin, fluffybuns gorgeous one.