To think it's odd this family don't use terms of endearment?

[WhatGoesHere]

So, a family I've known for over 35 years, all lovely people etc but they don't use any form of endearment in every day life. I've spent many days and nights and holidays etc with them, so have seen them at their best, worst and all in between.
There's no darling/hun/sweetheart/dear/dearest etc
It was so jarring once I noticed.

AIBU it think it's a bit odd?

I mean, nothing at all to do with me, doesn't affect me... but find it a little sad to be frank.

I’m with you, OP. Very weird!

I'm not sneering at anyone.
I haven't answered the poll, but I think it's very strongly in favour of OP being unreasonable.

Yes! I'm talking about your dog now - and the dogs we had. They had a name each and a dozen other names each that were used randomly. Their 'proper' names were only used at the vets.

My dad in his 70s will call me darling, our DD is 13 and would be so embarrassed if I called her honey, darling etc me and DH never use those terms with each other either

Same in my family..we knew we were loved. If we were told we were loved, we knew something was wrong or someone was dead 😆

I used terms of endearment for the dog, he was a cutiepie poppet. Everyone else has their proper name.

Read your post again. You're accusing anybody who doesn't think like the OP as sneering, being faux naive. That, according to them, assumptions of low intelligence are made against people who use pet names. They're not.

I think low intelligence is obvious though in people who insist that their way is the only way and anything else is 'odd'. Live and let live.

Most here think the OP is being unreasonable. She is. Also judgemental of people she says she's close enough to go on holiday with. With friends like that...

In public I never call DD anything but her name. In private I will. So unless you are with someone 24/7 365 then you have no idea whether they never use terms of endearment or not. How do you know they don't say "goodnight my darling" followed by a kiss and a hug when putting their kids to bed unless you're in the room with them....which frankly would be weird.

I think this is quite unfair. You aren't the decider on societal/family norms.

My parents have never called me - or each other - anything similar to "darling/hun/sweetheart/dear/dearest". It doesn't mean we don't love each other or have lesser of a relationship.

I would only really notice this if people did it tbh. Not the norm for me at all.

I do use "Sweetie darling", Ab Fab style sometimes. But never in a serious way...

I think OP is just being goady sort, desperate for attention. Bless.

No one in my family uses any of those terms. We are very close and love each other very much but that doesn't mean I'm going to start calling my husband "Hun" or "Babe"

Yes. It's very strongly in favour of the op being unreasonable to think it's very odd that the family referred to doesn't use terms of endearment when addressing one another.

It's not odd to use them, it's not odd to not use them. It's unreasonable to think one approach is normal and the other is weird.

terms of endearment are personal @WhatGoesHere not for performative acts of tenderness in front of randoms such as yourself?

I do use those terms but I’d never notice if other people don’t. It’s a strange thing to notice.

I don't use terms of endearment for my husband and he doesn't for me. I call the kids baby or monster, maybe little one but never sweetie or anything. Cat gets fatty and the rats get ratty, that's as far as it goes.

Calling people pet names doesn't mean you love them more than those who don't.

Given the way the voting has gone, I think you're the bizarre one.

"Terms of endearment" make me cringe myself inside out. Eurgh.

The fact that you cannot conceive of people doing things differently to you (and being perfectly happy) is actually pretty bizarre, OP.

This I often call my teenagers cute names at home and I still call my 12 year old 5ft 9 son baby - in private

in public it is nothing but their first names (well nicknames everyone knows them as) and they would be mortified if I did anything but

as for the terms of endearment you said no never used them don’t like darling or hun at all

I've now been put strongly in mind of an old sitcom episode (To the Manor Born, I think) where the characters pretend to be married and add a false sounding 'Darling' to every sentence 🤣

We do,.we have many names for our DC and use them often, in the playground too, much to the chagrin of my DD10

I suspect I do it because of my own childhood where I was called my given name or 'trouble' (not in the loving sense)

My father used to call me love, darling etc. He also used to physically abuse me and my siblings.

Using or not using those terms is meaningless and have no bearing on the love within a family.

Oh God, I don't think I ever call our DDs by their given Christian names? They happily answer to a plethora of pet names and endearments. I also have pet names for their closest friends (in my defence I have known them all since they were tiny).

If I come into contact with a random child then I'll invariably just call them 'Darling'. DH and I have pet names for each other but tend to not use them in front of other people.

Not bizarre at all! In private DP and I have a pet name for each other, but never in public. DC is only 2 months, and I just call her baby a lot, e.g. 'what's wrong baby?', 'come here baby' (while picking her up).

But I would never shout that (when I lived with ex-DH or before DD grew up). I’d just shout ‘could you bring a towel down please’.
A lot of people have said they use nicknames as affectionate names, not those particularly generic ones listed. I don’t think I’ve ever used them to a person, though I do call the cat ‘bab’ in some sort of mysterious West Mids throwback.