To ask how those of us who were smacked

[ButThisIsMyHappyFace]

Feel about it now?

Apologies if this is a stupid or triggering question but I’m re-evaluating a number of things from my childhood, trying to figure out why my relationship with my DM is so difficult. One of those things is smacking. She smacked me repeatedly, in anger. I never understood what I had done that was so wrong. She has never apologised, although I know she thinks it’s wrong to smack children nowadays. I know that very many kids born in the 80s and earlier were smacked - it was normal. I’m not asking if it’s wrong to smack. I know it is wrong and I will never smack my DC. My question is: those of us on here who were smacked as kids - how do you feel about it now? Do you feel it was abusive? Or is that not really a helpful way of looking at it anyway?

I wonder of this Will be the equivalent of future kids complaining about their photos being posted on social media without their approval.

I’m so torn over what to do
sadly he acts like a perfect grandfather to my brothers children and also my step sisters kids, plus they’ve all had the I’m evil and deranged story all these years!!

My father is a horrible abusive man who beat my mother black and blue and often hit us (just smacking not the beatings he gave her). I remember only being furious about being smacked not thinking about what I'd done wrong. I also remember once being smacked when he thought I'd hurt my sister but she actually fell.

However my Mum also smacked us in anger when we were naughty and although I hated it at the time I know we were often very naughty and I don't really blame her!

No. 🤣

However, that will backfire tremendously.

Both my parents were physically violent with me but not my sister. I remember being slapped across the face by my mother and chased upstairs or around the kitchen table by my father as he tried to hit/beat me. I remember on time he hit me so hard across the thighs his hand print stayed. These two people absolutely sicken me and the amount of damage they have caused me is incredible. I would never, and never have, lay a finger on my children. In my case it’s a narcissistic mother and enabler (but equally sick) father and I count my lucky stars every day that I woke up and recognised that what I experienced is abuse. I’m no contact with my entire family over a year and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ll be honest, the people that said it did them no harm, it did because now you’re incapable of seeing how cruel and very wrong it is to put your hands on someone more vulnerable than you. It also teaches children that love and violence are connected so it’s very understandable that children then enter into toxic and violent relationships when adults. Adults who hit kids, for whatever reason, are weak cowards, in my opinion.

I actually find that quite disturbing. Laughing can be a pain reaction, not because they find it funny.

I was smacked, but not regularly and I always deserved it. As another poster said though, I knew I was loved so maybe that makes a difference?

I think the topic is nuanced - because for every person who was smacked and felt abused or vulnerable, there is someone who felt ok about it.

I was smacked infrequently, usually on the leg when I wasn’t listening or was being intentionally annoying. I used to find it funny most of the time. The times it upset me I didn’t used to get upset about the smack, more the situation. It doesn’t come up in our relationship at all, and whilst I get annoyed with my parents now, it’s not about the smacking.

But it wasn’t frequent and always felt justified. I’m sure I’d feel differently if it felt cruel or was to hurt me (my mum used to do it out of desperation when nothing else worked and it wasn’t hard, was more to shock me I think).

I have another friend who was smacked and he didn’t see anything wrong with it, he feels it was a good way for his mum to set boundaries.

My husband was threatened with a slipper belt by his dad. He laughs about it now. Again, he got smacked infrequently and it doesn’t raise any negative feelings for him.

I think the family situation, how loved the children felt, how caring and rational the parents were etc plays into the response and reaction of the child. Children need to feel loved.

I was born in 1958 and my mother smacked me a lot - and sometimes just in her anger and frustration about situations I was not responsible for (e.g. her inability to find something).

I felt upset, hurt (physically it could hurt quite a bit) and humiliated. To be honest, I never forgave my mother for how badly she treated me as a child/teenager and couldn't leave home fast enough when I went to university.

With respect, it's not the same at all. Being physically abused leaves lifelong damage.

I 100% agree with you. I remember feeling angry, ashamed, embarrassed and resentful. I was hit with rubber slippers that left patterns from the soles on my legs for days. My mum didn’t care who she whacked me infront of either. Family, friends, boyfriends and strangers were all witnesses. She denies remembering any of the worst incidents.
I did a level 3 essay in college about the effects of smacking children. It’s illegal in so many countries. The UK Gvt allow moderate discipline only apparently.
I’ve recently read that it’s a form of frustration release for the parent.
Apparently kids of today should be disciplined with all the horrible things that go on today. My boys are 20 and 16 and they’ve never been cheeky or abusive to another adult or child. They are respectful and well mannered and I’ve never ever lifted a hand to them in their entire lives. Their dad was never allowed to hit them either.

My mother used to snack me. She even chased after me with a shoe and beat me with it once. It was a loss of control. It shouldn’t have happened, but it didn’t damage me. We both love each other and have a good relationship.

Like would she smack you for serious misbehaving?

And you think being paraded online for likes without your permission doesn't?

With respect, it's not one or the other.

Sorry - I haven't read all of the comments, unfortunately so many, but understand that so may have suffered real abuse, and I am so sorry for those that have - It surely depends so much on what a 'smack' is defined as - a little 'slap' on the leg is a whole different thing to a beating......I only ever once 'smacked' my little boy (aged about 6 then, now 36 - ) when he went off into the woods, near a stream, to play with another older child without me knowing, (I thought he was playing in our next doors garden) & I was on the point of calling the police when I didn't know where he was, I was so scared - it was a 'tap' on his leg when he came home, and 'grounded' for a week - he doesn't even remember it now, but he never, ever did it again - it was NOT abuse, it was a lesson to him never, ever to do that again - and, no, he never did it again.....and as an adult now, he agrees that it was the right thing to do.