Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will I ever get a job? Utterly useless

328 replies

User74893773 · 17/03/2025 13:56

AIBU to think I'm never going to find a job?!

I have degrees. I'm intelligent. I also have children and am a single parent.

I haven't worked since my first child was born and I'm now at the stage when I NEED to get paid work. I don't want to say what my degrees are in (too outing), but they're "good" degrees from excellent universities.

I have (very recently) received a dual diagnosis of ASD and ADHD. It explains everything - I'm not currently on medication and that might help... But I can't concentrate on things that don't hold my focus, I find it really hard to work unless I'm up against a hard deadline, I lack any self belief and feel like a colossal failure. If you read my CV up until age 25 you'd assume I must be an industry leader by now. But I'm not - I'm "just" a mum (which is awesome and I'm a great mum, but being a great mum isn't paying the bills...). My children are both at school now.

So I'm sorry to post here and I know this will piss some of you off. Really, I am sorry. But I'd love ideas/advice.

I'd like to work in a team with a mix of office and wfh. I'd like to have a work pension. I'm extremely persuasive and creative. Terrible at admin/detail (unless it's part of a special interest - eg I am genuinely brilliant at admin for my children's lives - school, sports, music, parties etc etc). However, I'm also going to find working in school holidays very difficult as I have no-one who can look after my children for free and there's a limit to the number of full day camps there are (and that they'd be willing to go to!). This is a major stumbling block for me.

I retrained in a highly sought after area a few years ago but then got completely frozen and panicked when I had to try to find clients etc and lost all confidence (and it's an area I know I'm really good at but 99% of jobs are self employment based - I actually batted off so many people wanting to refer people to me because I just panicked and thought I couldn't do it. It utterly overwhelmed me.)

I know I sound really crap.

I don't know. Any ideas welcome. Most of my friends and acquaintances think I work at least part time. When people ask me what I do, I say "I'm trained as x" which is honest and I let them assume I'm currently working in that role.

I have no partner to talk all of this over with and just feel so, so stuck. Any thoughts so welcome. Maybe this thread might be helpful to other people who also feel stuck!

(ps on the ADHD ASD front - most people would not know these things impact me. I am an expert at masking but as peri menopause hits I'm finding it more difficult and am pretty burnt out)

OP posts:
Redpeach · 23/03/2025 13:18

Ali61 · 23/03/2025 00:59

If it helps - I was out of work aged 50 and had no idea what my next steps should be as I'd done the same job for 30 years but had no transferrable skills. I took the first job I was offered which was working as a Support Worker for a care company. I really enjoyed it, though the pay and conditions were terrible! However, I stuck at it and after 18 months applied for a job as a Community Physio Assistant with the NHS. This job was well paid, really good pension and holidays and of course excellent support from Occupational Health. I'm just so glad I took that job with the care company, which I was way too qualified for and was completely out of my comfort zone! It led to a job I loved and helped me change direction completely. I'm now retired but still look back with fondness at the years I had working within a great team, doing a job I would never have imagined I'd be capable of. I'm sure you could find something that suits you if you can maybe think outside the box a bit. Good luck 🙂

Great story

willowthecat · 23/03/2025 13:44

Getting back into work after a long period out of the workplace (no matter what the reason) is very very challenging and it's a very very tough job market. I think you would be best to use any personal contacts to get a foot in the door (any door even a supermarket one) and then build from there if you can. Personal contacts are a hugely important factor in getting back to work after a long gap much more so than degrees; and unfortunately work experience unless recent will not really count for much . I speak from experience as someone who got a second job late in life (55) after a long gap to care for a severely disabled child. This was after having had a successful high level carer for about 15 years before that. However when trying to get back to work I found that nothing I had done before had any value and that I was too old for the job market. I had to give up on conventional job seeking and finally got a job through personal contact.

If you can't afford childcare you will have to get a job with hours to suit - ie most additional needs schools are desperate for support staff - and most staff are attracted for this child friendly reason. It's not high status but how important is that really ? There would be options to train and specialise more as you gain experience.

Olive123456 · 24/03/2025 20:32

User74893773 · 17/03/2025 13:58

ps I know lots of people have ADHD and ASD and are highly successful. That's not in doubt. Sadly, it's not my personal experience and every job I had pre children I felt overwhelmed by imposter syndrome.

Get a job at Tesco

New posts on this thread. Refresh page