Anyone struggle with a purpose if childfree?

[butterfly172]

Hi,
I'm 42 and childfree by choice. I'm about to get married to a wonderful man and I'm a step-parent to his 3 adult children, whom all accept me and me them.

However, since my SD had her baby, I'm wondering what purpose I have in this life if I chose not to be a mum?

Does anyone have any advice? Feeling like I'm stuck in a rut of life and don't know what my purpose is if not a parent.

Bloody hell, that burn was so hot I felt it all the way from the Legal Matters board.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And what about infertile women. Do they hit a wall too?

Oh I thought this was tongue in cheek - I had not realised you were serious!

It’s a surprisingly common attitude - I see it on here all the time. “There’s only so much travel, meals out, travel you can have before it starts seeming empty and pointless”. To me it speaks of a very limited outlook on life.

Who was that aimed at?

Quote function fail.

Give it time and you'll realise all women aren't the same. It's a revolutionary concept, I know.

I also don't really give a shit about 'real love'. I prefer peace and quiet.

Please don't place your entire life feelings on the ridiculous comment of one person.
There are millions of child-free people who know exactly what deep, unconditional love is despite not having their lives spoilt/dictated filled by children.

Biggest load of bull ever.

There's an evolutionary reason for this. It's so that we don't throw them out of the window when they're making a racket at three in the morning when they're two months old or pooing behind the curtains when they're two years old.

The survival of the species depends on most people having children, and until relatively recently when the infant mortality rate was high, it depended on most people having a lot of children.

In 2025 you really don't have any moral obligation to prop up the birth rate, and thanks to contraception, you can easily avoid it. Also, at 42 there's no guarantee you even could if you wanted to.

So have a think about what your purpose in life could be, if you really feel that your life needs to have a purpose. Is there something you've always wanted to do but never had the courage to start?

You were right the first time.

It says something about the comments made about childfree people that some posters have thought it was serious.

My purpose in life is to not work, but to live a life that allows monthly trips to south of france ina private jet, go on days out and lunches, etc...
However, I didn't get that memo, and ended up working to survive.

It’s so weird the vitriol aimed at those without children.

Honestly I have lots of friends who don't have children and I've never thought for one minute their lives lack purpose or meaning. Yes they might know what it is like to love a child BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN they don't know what true love is or have any less meaningful relationships in their life. My parents and in-laws again have friends in their 60s/70s who have never had children for whatever reason and again they don't have regrets and have all had rich full life. It hasn't even crossed my mind to think their lives are "less than" because they don't have children.

I have a child and love being a mum, but I don't think my life is less meaningful or purposeful than before. If anything it comes with some loss of freedom and more restrictions and this in itself can be a barrier to a meaningful and purposeful life. I still see friends, do hobbies etc but it's not the same as before.

Yes, I can say that, as someone who planned not to have children and had twenty years of the usual pitying headshakes and questions about was I worried being lonely when old, and who then had a child when I was 40, the same people just switched to saying ‘An only is a lonely!’ and saying I was ‘selfish’.

I conclude part of it is that some people don’t like it when other people’s lives look ‘easier’, especially when it’s because they made different choices, which remind the moaners that they chose to have three children — no one made them. They don’t get Brownie points from the universe. It’s much easier for those people psychologically if everyone has three children and moans about it, and isn’t spending their weekends suiting themselves and reminding them other kinds of lives are possible.

what is the biggest part then, Genuine question!

we must agree to disagree, it's maybe just me (but i don't think so) but DC are the biggest part of life, DP not so much, not that they are not amazing! Just not my children!

It's whatever you want it to be and that's different for every woman, and every man too. And it's different at different stages of your life. For me though, I've never defined myself in relation to anyone else.

They're the biggest part of YOUR life.

Everyone else can speak for themselves.

Differs for every woman. And probably different on any given day, depending on mood, what's happening in their life etc. But that might just be me.

My daughter is the most important part of my life. I will prioritise her at every point while she needs me to. It doesn't mean that being a mum is the biggest part of me. At some point she will no longer need me to prioritise her. She will be off doing life for herself. If being her mum was the biggest part of me, then most of me is gone when she, naturally and rightfully, moves into her independent life.

of course they can.. it's just for me (and i think everyone i know) ... that's unfathomable. Impossible to understand everyone of course....

What’s ‘unfathomable’? That not everyone’s children are the biggest part of their life?

Yes