Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Thread gallery
6
ffsfindmeausername · 18/03/2025 19:14

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 16/03/2025 14:04

Weirdly I feel it is both over and under diagnosed.

I have a mental health condition I have suffered with my whole adult life. It impacts my quality of life quite a lot.

I have been to the GP countless times, been to private and NHS therapy, a private psychologist. I tried all the suggestions to help myself.

Eventually after about 13 years of struggling I did get a diagnosis and lovely validation from an amazing professional and he was quite upset on my behalf I hadn't been helped sooner.

I wasn't exactly begging for a diagnosis, and I am not a pushy personality in medical settings, so that may have had an impact.

But then I also know a lot of people diagnosed very, very quickly with Autism and ADHD including my own sister (who now sells her ADHD meds).

It has been eye opening getting back into working in school settings and seeing how many parents are adamant their child is SEN for what are very normal development stages and challenges.

(not denying some of the parents are completely valid).

So in my experience you have to be very pushy to get a diagnosis. I wonder how many do get a diagnosis because they were so adamant about it.

I've also heard in person and seen on social media people being angry they weren't given a diagnosis and they have been validated by comments that a self diagnosis is just as valid.

Whilst we know our own bodies and minds, I don't think the validity of a professional diagnosis should be ignored, especially when there are clearly people who abuse the system.

And a lot of more quiet people fall through the cracks and never get help.

Edited

yes i agree about the amount of parents adamant their kids have adhd or autism and pushing for diagnosis. I'd actually say as many as 90% of families i know have atleast 1 child with a ND diagnosis. I often wonder if there wasn't so much of a financial incentive would the parents then both to push for these diagnosis's? carers allowance for caring for their own kids fgs!.plus extra UC or whatever benefits go along with these diagnosis's. yes before anyone jumps on me I know there are many kids that genuinely have these conditions but I'm talking about the ones that are perfectly NT but because they're a bit shy then they must have autism according to parents.

Tessabelle74 · 18/03/2025 19:55

I was watching Dispatches on channel 4 last week, there are actually tiktok channels dedicated to coaching people through what you say to a GP to get diagnosed with a mental health condition to get the maximum sickness benefit! One bloke openly admitted he wanted the benefits as he's too knackered to work, aren't we all mate? Back in the 90's everyone wanting to shirk working had a bad back, now it's bad mental health. It needs sorting and most people would be perfectly capable of working with mental health issues

Superscientist · 18/03/2025 20:03

One thing that I think gets missed is there's a difference between being in employment and staying in employment and just how much harder it can be to get back into employment after a mental illness episode

I'm bipolar and have had periods of not being able to work but have been thankfully that circumstances have meant actually it was relatively easy to reintegrate into the work place. The first time was whilst I was doing my phd and took a 4 month leave of absence, unpaid. Prior to that I had a month of light duties as I lost my clearance to do lab work without a minder. When I returned I was part time for a month. For 3 months after my return I had 2-3 appointments a week on the other side of the city with my mental health team. 8 months in total of not being fully there and I later switched to part time. In an 18 month period I had approximately 6-8 episodes of depression, mania and hypomania as we tried to find the right treatment as the treatments for depression sent me manic/hypomanic. In many workplaces I would have been let go, thankfully my project could be adjusted to what I was able to manage at the time.

My last episode I was acutely unwell for 13 months including 10 weeks in hospital, unwell in total for nearly 17 months and took 2 years to fully recover. My work sickness policy was 1 month paid sick leave 1 month unpaid sick leave. As it happened I was on maternity leave for the majority of that, I went from maternity leave to a sick leave for a month ( the sick note was for "depression" actually bipolar depression and psychosis but doctors never use language that might be stigmatising or "outing" if there's an alternative so depression on the sick note could mean more than depression) and then to a fit note for 2 months whilst I did a phased return starting 1 day a week building up to 4 days over 6 weeks and couldn't get back to full-time. If I hadn't been on maternity there would have been a good chance of me losing my job. A new employer wouldn't have been happy with me starting at 1 day a week so I would have been on sick leave for longer as I would have had to wait until I was well enough for 2-3 days a week. Going back to a work place where people knew me and I knew who I could get support from made a huge difference, starting somewhere new would have been much so much harder. Knowing the job and the people and where the coffee is and what was expected of me made returning after the worst year of my life manageable but still bloody hard. It would have been more like 18 months before I was back in employment or potentially even the two years if I was having to start again and without the work and my colleagues my recovery would have been more challenging too. At the point I returned to work no way I would have been able to manage job applications or interviews to get a new job. So I would have been off sick for longer in a state where I could in theory potentially start doing a little work but not knowing where to start of how I fit into the world of work now. I can see how people get unwell start to get better but then struggle to find there way back into the world of work and get stuck

MrTiddlesTheCat · 18/03/2025 20:59

LakieLady · 18/03/2025 14:05

Although Streeting did not refer specifically to children, I will stick my neck out again and incur more wrath and indignation, by asking if children are awarded DLA for neurodivergent conditions, and what help do their parents buy with it?

Anecdata, but when my friend's son (finally) got assessed by CAMHS, and was found not only to be autistic but also diagnosed with PTSD and depression, she used his DLA to pay for EMDR therapy for his PTSD. CAMHS told her that the waiting time for EMDR via CAMHS would mean he would be 16 and discharged from their service before he got anywhere near the top, and that the wait for EMDR for adults in our NHS Trust was several years.

When he got to 16, he switched to PIP and is now using that to pay for psychotherapy and the cost of the taxi to get to it and back again. He also used part of the arrears payment to buy some high-tech noise cancelling headphones to wear at home so he can't hear the constant screaming, shouting and loud music from neighbours, which used to leave him a quivering wreck.

He has been massively failed by the NHS imo. He's been having problems since he was a toddler, and they've got progressively worse over the 8 or 9 years that I've known him. He was referred to CAMHS at 9 yoa and it took 6 years for him to be assessed. He hasn't been to school since his first year at secondary, the large comprehensive totally freaked him out.

The therapy is helping and he's starting to show some improvement. He was actually able to go walk to his therapy appointment on his own the other week, which is a huge milestone. But with no formal education post-11, and as someone who's inclined to have a complete meltdown when confronted by any unfamiliar situation, it's hard to see what sort of job he'd ever be able to do.

I wish I could say that this young man's case is exceptional, but when I talk to clients about their MH history, it often comes out that their problems started in childhood but were never addressed. If Starmer, Streeting etc want to reduce the cost of benefits, they should play the long game and invest in ensuring that children and young people with MH issues get timely help and treatment so that they are well enough to work when they reach adulthood.

I didn't buy any help for my DD with the extra money she got when she was a child. I used it to replace all stuff she broke or lost, and there was a heck of alot. Way beyond normal levels.

Equinoxkombucha · 18/03/2025 21:13

Flowersinthehood · 18/03/2025 06:56

I work in MH services, it is difficult to get through the door, you have to be a risk to yourself or others really. What I find interesting is that what people expect from MH services isn’t what they get. People expect to sit on a sofa, chat about their inner most feelings and trauma for years, and be spoonfed support. That’s not what we offer. We try to put it back on them, what are you going to do about this? What solutions can you find to solve this?
What we don’t want is someone attending appointments for years and not being accountable. Yes we will ask you to turn up, yes you can chat about things that have gone wrong this week but for the first ten minutes only and then we change the subject.
People have been lied to by American sitcoms that therapy is all about them opening up, it’s not, therapy is work and self reflection.
So as much as people fight to get in, a lot of people aren’t in the place to do this work and discharge themselves.
So overdiagnosis? I’m not sure. Misdiagnosis I can imagine. I think there are a lot more people with emotional intensity rather than ASD/ ADHD (not clients but people I know socially). But no one is paying privately to get a ‘personality disorder’ diagnosis, because of the stigma, despite the fact that it is still a condition which you had no control over, and usually the result of trauma which also wasn’t your fault.
In terms of PIP it is near impossible to get PIP for anything that isn’t significant mental health. I know people in psychiatric hospitals for stays of over six months who have been declined. The proposed changes will make it impossible almost.
Rather than carry on as we are, we need more trauma informed, psychologically minded work coaches. We have one in our trust, one!! Because work is generally beneficial for our mental health, but building up tolerance is difficult. I used to be a mouthy angry young woman and I would quit jobs if someone told me I took too long on my lunch break. I needed someone to validate my rage but let me think through my options. Think about the cycle of quitting and then regret and self loathing, think about self harm and how this was a bit like that too. I needed someone to show me why I thought and acted the way I did in the context of the work place and how to rewrite my brain and change that behaviour/ cycle through understanding why I did it. A diagnosis such as ‘adhd’ does not mean someone has done that critical thought analysis/ reflection work. So in some ways it does do them a disservice.

What about the patients with personality disorders who threaten suicide to get their own way or sabotage discharge from hospital. They cost the NHS a lot of money with their antics and doctors too scared to discharge them. The ones who threaten suicide over and over again take the care away from someone who will actually die by suicide.

Rinoachicken · 18/03/2025 22:00

@Equinoxkombucha personality disorder is a very serious and enduring mental disorder, which develops due to horrendous childhood trauma and has an astonishingly and disproportionately high fatality rate when compared wi the all other mental illnesses. But don’t let facts get in the way of your stigma.

Your attitude belongs back in the 80s.

XenoBitch · 18/03/2025 22:44

Equinoxkombucha · 18/03/2025 21:13

What about the patients with personality disorders who threaten suicide to get their own way or sabotage discharge from hospital. They cost the NHS a lot of money with their antics and doctors too scared to discharge them. The ones who threaten suicide over and over again take the care away from someone who will actually die by suicide.

I have a personality disorder, and have never threatened suicide to get my own way. I have been sectioned (so against my will) and did what I could to be discharged.
Some people I know from hospital and therapy did go on to kill themselves.
So DFOD with your outdated views.

JobhuntingDespair · 19/03/2025 00:36

Equinoxkombucha · 18/03/2025 21:13

What about the patients with personality disorders who threaten suicide to get their own way or sabotage discharge from hospital. They cost the NHS a lot of money with their antics and doctors too scared to discharge them. The ones who threaten suicide over and over again take the care away from someone who will actually die by suicide.

Those with a PD diagnosis who are suicidal don't get in to hospital in the first place.

Like my friend, who eventually killed herself after realising she was never going to get help with her suicidal feelings.

llizzie · 19/03/2025 01:10

NapT1me · 18/03/2025 06:12

Many mentally ill absolutely have to have help, ditto many with NDs.

If they have to have help, and can prove that by paying someone with their PIP, I doubt their PIP would be withdrawn.

At the present time, the DWP says that you just have to need it, that recipients don't have to use it for anything particular. My point is that if the system has to be overhauled, that might change.

According to the news, the department is tightening up on who can claim it, and are not planning on an actual cut. In any case, it has to go through a whole lot of legal debate before it is law.

It is a pity the winter fuel payment didn't go through the same legal debate.

I suspect they said that because so many people complained about their neighbours who were claimants and the DWP got inundated. Well they might be for a few years, but the message will seep through after a year or two.

NapT1me · 19/03/2025 05:43

Tessabelle74 · 18/03/2025 19:55

I was watching Dispatches on channel 4 last week, there are actually tiktok channels dedicated to coaching people through what you say to a GP to get diagnosed with a mental health condition to get the maximum sickness benefit! One bloke openly admitted he wanted the benefits as he's too knackered to work, aren't we all mate? Back in the 90's everyone wanting to shirk working had a bad back, now it's bad mental health. It needs sorting and most people would be perfectly capable of working with mental health issues

GPS don’t diagnose MH conditions serious enough to get PIP. They make referrals.

NapT1me · 19/03/2025 05:48

Equinoxkombucha · 18/03/2025 21:13

What about the patients with personality disorders who threaten suicide to get their own way or sabotage discharge from hospital. They cost the NHS a lot of money with their antics and doctors too scared to discharge them. The ones who threaten suicide over and over again take the care away from someone who will actually die by suicide.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms/

You need to educate yourself before spouting rubbish. BPD is a devastating condition and autistic women and girls are often falsely given the label due to under diagnosis.

nhs.uk

Symptoms - Borderline personality disorder

Read about symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD), which include emotional instability, impulsive behaviour and intense, yet unstable, relationships with others.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms/

Slimbear · 19/03/2025 06:01

528htz · 18/03/2025 12:51

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2023/nov/premature-death-autistic-people-uk-investigated-first-time

Autism causes early death, although doesn't shave off as much as has been previously reported. Not as many savings on benefits then 🤔 perhaps AD will negate this troublesome issue.

There are autistic men where I volunteer . Live alone, hugely overweight. Eat takeaways. It’s sad their families don’t help them with this. Also makes them less likely to get employment.

NapT1me · 19/03/2025 06:04

ffsfindmeausername · 18/03/2025 19:14

yes i agree about the amount of parents adamant their kids have adhd or autism and pushing for diagnosis. I'd actually say as many as 90% of families i know have atleast 1 child with a ND diagnosis. I often wonder if there wasn't so much of a financial incentive would the parents then both to push for these diagnosis's? carers allowance for caring for their own kids fgs!.plus extra UC or whatever benefits go along with these diagnosis's. yes before anyone jumps on me I know there are many kids that genuinely have these conditions but I'm talking about the ones that are perfectly NT but because they're a bit shy then they must have autism according to parents.

Complete utter rubbish. Educate yourself before posting your ableist nonsense.

1 in 100 children have autism in the UK. You don’t get a diagnosis for being a bit shy.

Prof Emily Simonoff is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the King’s Maudsley Partnership for Children and Young People. She thinks about 5 to 7% of children have ADHD in the UK – and says: “It's pretty similar across the world, that’s been consistent and it hasn’t actually risen.”

Many will overlap and be the same children as they often go together.

Often parents don’t want the stigma and shy away from diagnosis.

There is no financial incentive with having an autism or adhd diagnosis. I have both and so do all my children. Only one receives benefits and that is due to conditions in addition to her ND.

Re carers allowance (which we don’t get)my daughter has been in and out of hospital for years and has needed intensive supervision with feeding alongside us taking her everywhere. Miraculously we have managed to both hold on to our full time jobs however it has impacted our careers, finances, MH and marriage. Carers who aren’t as fortunate as us with understanding bosses and the ability to work from home save the country a fortune and deserve every penny.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3ejky0dy47o#:~:text=She%20thinks%20about%205%20to,hasn't%20actually%20risen.%E2%80%9D

Montage of interconnected brains

ADHD: How many of us will end up being diagnosed?

Experts suggest that the number of people with ADHD is actually going to remain steady.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3ejky0dy47o#:~:text=She%20thinks%20about%205%20to,hasn't%20actually%20risen.%E2%80%9D

Equinoxkombucha · 19/03/2025 06:08

NapT1me · 19/03/2025 05:48

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms/

You need to educate yourself before spouting rubbish. BPD is a devastating condition and autistic women and girls are often falsely given the label due to under diagnosis.

theres genuine cases but there’s also a lot of attention seekers who drain resources.

NapT1me · 19/03/2025 06:09

Slimbear · 19/03/2025 06:01

There are autistic men where I volunteer . Live alone, hugely overweight. Eat takeaways. It’s sad their families don’t help them with this. Also makes them less likely to get employment.

35% have planned or attempted suicide which will add to the figures.

NapT1me · 19/03/2025 06:11

Equinoxkombucha · 19/03/2025 06:08

theres genuine cases but there’s also a lot of attention seekers who drain resources.

Who won’t have a diagnosis of BPD. Psychiatrists diagnoses it not patients.

wanderingandwonderingnow · 19/03/2025 06:29

I think it's the opposite, that there are many many people out there just living with mh problems without a diagnosis, benefits or support.

I think his comments are extremely offensive

Flowersinthehood · 19/03/2025 07:54

@NapT1meI’m afraid I don’t agree. My Dd had an nhs assessment for autism. It was so thorough, two hour interview with me and her, then three hour observation in school including at break time. The outcome was ‘yes there are definite traits but not enough for her to be autistic’. Do you know what I did? Accepted it and told everyone she was not autistic, although some ND friendly strategies in school work well.
I have no doubt she would have been given a private diagnosis through a 45 minute zoom call. Yes there are NICE guidelines but they can be matched to suit or they just don’t see evidence apart from what parents report (example; problems with friendship, routine etc, parents self report yes to both but there is no observation in a classroom or home to see the bigger picture).
Like I said I work in mental health and these private companies are often doing some people a huge disservice by diagnosing people who are often struggling. The NHS would genuinely not diagnose a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition for someone in crisis.
Yet we see lots of our service users, who are struggling with EUPD type presentations which requires a really targeted pathway involving lots of work on their end to really challenge the way they see things and think about things, their relationships etc. They aren’t ready to do that, Psychiatry UK give them an autism or ADHD diagnosis. They then don’t feel they need to do that therapy. Guess what they’re still suicidal, they’re still falling out with friends or family every five minutes? Ultimately they need to do this work, they may well have autism as well, but the main reason they are struggling in life is their trauma responses, which they have the power to change, we all do.
Autism alone is not the reason someone self harms and it can be very validating to have a diagnosis to explain why things are hard. But if that actually isn’t the reason why you are self harming/ suicidal/ unable to keep friendships then the diagnosis actually gives you nothing. You pay your money and they (the private psychiatrist) skip away. There isn’t any adult services just for autism, they will refer you back to MH and we will put you on the same pathway as before. What else does anyone think we should do?

wishiwasjoking · 19/03/2025 09:54

DaffodilsGalore · 18/03/2025 13:17

That is untrue.

Regardless of the country, depression and anxiety are diagnosed trough questionnaires.
When brain scans are done, it’s to eliminate other potential causes.

This is true at clinical level and in research.

There is some research going on on bio markers for depression agd anxiety. But nothing is available to make a clinical diagnosis from bio markers only.

Then all countries need to stop handing out questionnaires. Questionnaires aren't scientific.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 19/03/2025 10:05

JobhuntingDespair · 18/03/2025 18:00

@Flowersinthehood · Today 06:56

I work in MH services, it is difficult to get through the door, you have to be a risk to yourself or others really. What I find interesting is that what people expect from MH services isn’t what they get. People expect to sit on a sofa, chat about their inner most feelings and trauma for years, and be spoonfed support. That’s not what we offer. We try to put it back on them, what are you going to do about this? What solutions can you find to solve this?

What exactly do you mean by "spoonfed support"? People who are utterly broken expecting some empathy, guidance, or therapy? (And these are the people deemed enough of a risk for services to actually see them! They must be severely affected.)

If people know they have been through trauma that is affecting them - that's good. So many people won't even acknowledge their past has affected them/is causing issues in the present. It's a good starting point for beginning to unpick the effect of the past and begin healing and living better.

... And what you do is ask them what are they going to do about it?! You don't think perhaps they figured facing up to things and unpicking their problems in therapy was their way of doing something about it?

What we don’t want is someone attending appointments for years and not being accountable. Yes we will ask you to turn up, yes you can chat about things that have gone wrong this week but for the first ten minutes only and then we change the subject.

What sort of appointments? If the person is awaiting therapy, you can't actually expect them to get better until it's happening, can you? A chat with a nurse or similar, whilst it could be vaguely supportive, is hardly going to do much if the person needs to dig deep in therapy.

Or are you talking about therapy sessions? In which case "changing the subject" seems inappropriate. Wouldn't you start to dig deeper, link their recent difficult week/feelings to earlier experiences, unhealthy internalised attitudes, and so on? Not just shut them down.

People have been lied to by American sitcoms that therapy is all about them opening up, it’s not, therapy is work and self reflection.

Therapy is about both these things. Work and self-reflection in a safe environment where they can open up and access deep feelings without judgement or feeling like a burden. Whilst American sitcoms may have it wrong in terms of lying on a couch, the basic idea is far more in line with the sort of reflection that leads to insight and lasting change, than your idea of how patients/clients should be treated.

So as much as people fight to get in, a lot of people aren’t in the place to do this work and discharge themselves.

It sounds like an awful lot of people aren't being offered appropriate therapy to do this work. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable opening up to someone with the attitudes you have described, and you imply you wouldn't want me to anyway! So perhaps they just leave realising they can't get appropriate therapy. (Or even find the dismissal from services makes things worse.)

So overdiagnosis? I’m not sure. Misdiagnosis I can imagine. I think there are a lot more people with emotional intensity rather than ASD/ ADHD (not clients but people I know socially). But no one is paying privately to get a ‘personality disorder’ diagnosis, because of the stigma, despite the fact that it is still a condition which you had no control over, and usually the result of trauma which also wasn’t your fault.

People don't need to pay to get a personality disorder diagnosis, because the NHS hands them out with ease. Perhaps because they can then dismiss traumatised people as "not mentally ill" and thus no service needs to be provided. More charitably, perhaps services are still way behind in terms of recognising neurodiversity, especially in women, as well as generally having a really narrow and medicalised view of how people "should" think, feel, and function. Whatever the reason, it is extremely common for women to be misdiagnosed as BPD whilst autism is ignored, not the other way around.

In terms of PIP it is near impossible to get PIP for anything that isn’t significant mental health. I know people in psychiatric hospitals for stays of over six months who have been declined. The proposed changes will make it impossible almost.

Agreed. Especially bad as people need it to pay for therapy that isn't available from the NHS.

Rather than carry on as we are, we need more trauma informed, psychologically minded work coaches. We have one in our trust, one!! Because work is generally beneficial for our mental health, but building up tolerance is difficult.

Surely they need appropriate therapy, to get to a stage where they can go back to work? Not just be encouraged to take step ten without addressing step one.

Agree that once they have had a chance to recover to a sufficient extent they should have access to specialist support to help get back into the workplace. But that shouldn't be from MH services - it risks people being pushed into work before they're ready, or as sounds like the case, pushed towards work rather than actually getting treatment. It shouldn't be an NHS outcome/aim to get people to work - doesn't seem fair on staff either. It also creates a perverse incentive to take on only the most work-ready patients so that a "successful outcome" can be met quickly, whilst those needing more help will be denied treatment as they cost a lot and appear as an "unsuccessful outcome" on paper.

I used to be a mouthy angry young woman and I would quit jobs if someone told me I took too long on my lunch break. I needed someone to validate my rage but let me think through my options. Think about the cycle of quitting and then regret and self loathing, think about self harm and how this was a bit like that too. I needed someone to show me why I thought and acted the way I did in the context of the work place and how to rewrite my brain and change that behaviour/ cycle through understanding why I did it.

Not everyone is the same as you. What about those who aren't "mouthy and angry" but are breaking down, in emotional pain, sent home by managers, actually unable to do their job, not just walking out?

And how, exactly, is someone supposed to explore why this is happening for them, why they are struggling so much, if you don't think they should have in-depth therapy? You seem to be promoting a CBT style approach, which isn't suitable for those who cannot even get through the day due to complex trauma.

This is what happened to me. I actually went to the NHS to get therapy as I knew the awful feelings I had related to my past. At the time I had no idea how much had affected me, how long it would take to unpick. I know, however, that if I'd been able to access therapy, rather than a punitive blaming approach from services, it would have been a lot quicker.

The thing that helped me wasn't someone banging on about changing thought processess, with only a cursory nod at the past (I already tried to do that myself). What helped was actually being able to explore the feelings, the past, have insight, more memories surfacing, and being treated with empathy and like I mattered. That way I could have real insight, and somehow, feeling empathy from another whilst in tears recounting past experiences made the nightmares go away, and the memories stopped having an overwhelming emotional impact.

A diagnosis such as ‘adhd’ does not mean someone has done that critical thought analysis/ reflection work. So in some ways it does do them a disservice.

Yes, but they need the diagnosis to be able to accurately understand themselves in context. Finding out I'm autistic was life-changing, it helped my healing process so much. Not to mention understanding the present and future better too. And this is without any specific support after being diagnosed.

Yes, people should be able to go through the work of reflection and analysis. This is important. I don't know about ADHD, but people with autism are often excluded from MH services, as if everything is "explained" by the diagnosis but no method of accessing appropriate therapy for the mental health side.

However, you don't appear to want them to have appropriate therapy, from your other comments.

I see you.

I'm having counselling ATM and we've explored mainly my childhood as my mum made a comment when I was 7 years old and sadly it stuck to me throughout my whole life. Totally makes sense to my lack of self esteem.
My mum was joking and I know that now. I don't blame her for the issues I had, she had no idea what those words did to me as I never brought it up. I didn't even know myself until a couple of weeks ago but my therapist is great and we're helping me see and understand that I am deserving of all my good and that I'm not defined by this or that.

As much as it's raw and painful, people should go there to be able to live a more peaceful, happier life or forever be a prisoner in your own head which is no way to live. I know!

JobhuntingDespair · 19/03/2025 10:17

@Flowersinthehood
Like I said I work in mental health and these private companies are often doing some people a huge disservice by diagnosing people who are often struggling. The NHS would genuinely not diagnose a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition for someone in crisis.
Yet we see lots of our service users, who are struggling with EUPD type presentations which requires a really targeted pathway involving lots of work on their end to really challenge the way they see things and think about things, their relationships etc. They aren’t ready to do that, Psychiatry UK give them an autism or ADHD diagnosis. They then don’t feel they need to do that therapy. Guess what they’re still suicidal, they’re still falling out with friends or family every five minutes? Ultimately they need to do this work, they may well have autism as well, but the main reason they are struggling in life is their trauma responses, which they have the power to change, we all do.
Autism alone is not the reason someone self harms and it can be very validating to have a diagnosis to explain why things are hard. But if that actually isn’t the reason why you are self harming/ suicidal/ unable to keep friendships then the diagnosis actually gives you nothing. You pay your money and they (the private psychiatrist) skip away. There isn’t any adult services just for autism, they will refer you back to MH and we will put you on the same pathway as before. What else does anyone think we should do?

I was diagnosed with autism by the NHS, do I count?
Unfortunately MH services didn't notice or suggest an assessment for over a decade of attempts to get help, merely fobbed me off with a BPD diagnosis.

It's extremely important that autism, and even autistic traits, are recognised, so that this can be taken into account when diagnosing other conditions and especially when it comes to treatment. As an example from my own experience - I used to frequently become so overwhelmed I'd feel horrific, world would spin, not able to understand speech or talk coherently myself, have an almost instinctive urge to self-harm. This would make me suicidal as the only way to stop the pain. This was in part a trauma response and large part autistic meltdown. I had been approaching services for years describing this to them and having it fobbed off. I was aware of the trauma aspect from my own reflections on how it had developed/when I felt like that growing up.

Finding out I'm autistic meant the meltdown aspect could be taken into account. A huge aspect was that the shame was taken out of it (shame largely given by MH professionals who treated it with disadain and as if I was able to control it, doing it on purpose). I was able to consider the concept of being mentally overloaded and start to recognise when it was happening and take time to stop whatever I was doing (instead of trying to keep going) until I was managing ok again, thereby preventing meltdown occurring. Crucially, the diagnosis meant I was able to explain to others why I needed to do this, and to myself that it was ok and not my fault that I needed a break. Gradually, through being treated with kindness and understanding by others and myself, the trauma aspect detached from the overwhelm/meltdown, making each one shorter and less painful, until now when I will notice quickly when it's happening and avert it automatically.

You say your DD has autistic traits, and autism-friendly things help her manage. It is the same for your patients - the autism/traits aspect needs to be taken into account to find the best way to manage things.

Trauma also needs to be addressed. Properly, not simply managing trauma responses, but actually compassion and therapy so healing can happen. Not merely a group "therapy" to learn DBT techniques. On this subject, the NHS needs to stop claiming it is offering DBT when it only offers these group skills. DBT is supposed to have four stages and includes one to one therapy to work on the underlying trauma.

Other things that would have helped me so much as a young woman are - a good chat with a radical feminist and being clued up on avoiding abusive behaviour particularly from men, having more decent people around me to actually form friendships with (you seem to blame issues on patients, not consider they may have unreliable people with no moral code around them, this is worsened because most people edge away from someone who gets depressed and suicidal), being treated like I mattered and praised and encouraged (something I missed out on as a teen), safe stable housing, and in-depth therapy when I recognised aged 19 I was having a trauma response and needed to talk about my childhood.

I'm as annoyed as you are about anyone who has the attitude "I'm autistic so don't need to try, and refuse to recognise my own trauma". But I am aware of many, many more people who try their best to cope and heal, have had no help, even been retraumatised by the NHS. Often autism going unrecognised or being sidelined ... when I was diagnosed they made a point of how important it was that MH services knew in case of (likely) future contact with them, so they wouldn't make assumptions about my thought processess, emotions etc. (This is something that had really struck me previously - MH professionals seemed to have the most mad way of interpreting things, as if they couldn't see what was obvious and would come up with weird blaming explanations. One of the weirdest things was that the more calmly and clearly I tried to explain what my problems were, the more they seemed to misunderstand, disbelieve, and interpret everything as "manipulative".)

NapT1me · 20/03/2025 07:36

Flowersinthehood · 19/03/2025 07:54

@NapT1meI’m afraid I don’t agree. My Dd had an nhs assessment for autism. It was so thorough, two hour interview with me and her, then three hour observation in school including at break time. The outcome was ‘yes there are definite traits but not enough for her to be autistic’. Do you know what I did? Accepted it and told everyone she was not autistic, although some ND friendly strategies in school work well.
I have no doubt she would have been given a private diagnosis through a 45 minute zoom call. Yes there are NICE guidelines but they can be matched to suit or they just don’t see evidence apart from what parents report (example; problems with friendship, routine etc, parents self report yes to both but there is no observation in a classroom or home to see the bigger picture).
Like I said I work in mental health and these private companies are often doing some people a huge disservice by diagnosing people who are often struggling. The NHS would genuinely not diagnose a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition for someone in crisis.
Yet we see lots of our service users, who are struggling with EUPD type presentations which requires a really targeted pathway involving lots of work on their end to really challenge the way they see things and think about things, their relationships etc. They aren’t ready to do that, Psychiatry UK give them an autism or ADHD diagnosis. They then don’t feel they need to do that therapy. Guess what they’re still suicidal, they’re still falling out with friends or family every five minutes? Ultimately they need to do this work, they may well have autism as well, but the main reason they are struggling in life is their trauma responses, which they have the power to change, we all do.
Autism alone is not the reason someone self harms and it can be very validating to have a diagnosis to explain why things are hard. But if that actually isn’t the reason why you are self harming/ suicidal/ unable to keep friendships then the diagnosis actually gives you nothing. You pay your money and they (the private psychiatrist) skip away. There isn’t any adult services just for autism, they will refer you back to MH and we will put you on the same pathway as before. What else does anyone think we should do?

Incorrect. You wouldn’t get a private diagnosis via a 45 min zoom call. They are £3k for a reason.

Also 2 of my children were diagnosed in crisis by highly respected NHS professionals as diagnosis was needed to inform care. Maudsley now assesses for autism on entry to their ED service. There was bags of supporting info throughout previous life and NHS care.

It’s very much the other way round which is widely recognised. EUPD diagnosed when it is ND particularly in women and girls.

There are ND adult services and they are evolving. Our trust provides psychotherapy after diagnosis and they are looking to evolve and improve post diagnosis care. Autism and adhd are often the reason for high prevalence of SH, suicidal idealisation and struggles to keep friends and many other difficulties. Stands to reason- they involve communication difficulties, repetitive behaviours, bullying, high prevalence of EDs,’sensory difficulties, isolation,impulsive dangerous behaviour etc.

Diagnosis is very much needed to inform treatment.

I’m staggered that somebody who allegedly works in MH doesn’t know this.

Gloriia · 20/03/2025 08:14

'I have a teenage daughter who tells me that practically every single one of her girl friends have anxiety. They don’t. They just get stressed like every teenager in the world, ever.Telling children that they have anxiety is telling them that they can’t cope with lots of situations. Instead we should be telling them that getting stressed is a normal emotion and we should be teaching them how to deal with it. I have serious concerns for the generation coming through right now. Very few will be able to properly function in life because they’ve been told, formally, that they can’t.'

Yes. Parents and schools need to really work on advocating resilience and strategies to cope with life and emotions. Being 'overwhelmed' is now a common used expression, when in my day it used to be called being a bit frazzled.

Giving every single emotion and reaction a ND or mh label doesn't help anyone, least of all those with genuine problems who get lost in the crowds.

NapT1me · 20/03/2025 08:18

Gloriia · 20/03/2025 08:14

'I have a teenage daughter who tells me that practically every single one of her girl friends have anxiety. They don’t. They just get stressed like every teenager in the world, ever.Telling children that they have anxiety is telling them that they can’t cope with lots of situations. Instead we should be telling them that getting stressed is a normal emotion and we should be teaching them how to deal with it. I have serious concerns for the generation coming through right now. Very few will be able to properly function in life because they’ve been told, formally, that they can’t.'

Yes. Parents and schools need to really work on advocating resilience and strategies to cope with life and emotions. Being 'overwhelmed' is now a common used expression, when in my day it used to be called being a bit frazzled.

Giving every single emotion and reaction a ND or mh label doesn't help anyone, least of all those with genuine problems who get lost in the crowds.

Somebody citing anxiety isn’t going to get an autism diagnosis. It’s hard enough to get one when you have bags of evidence let alone when you don’t .

KTheGrey · 25/03/2025 08:15

Maitri108 · 17/03/2025 19:48

I'm pleased for you, others aren't as well.

You have no idea about how well or otherwise I am or anybody else is. It is literally impossible that you are equipped to make that judgement.

Swipe left for the next trending thread