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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

All crime docs are about men killing women!

290 replies

SwoopDog · 16/03/2025 11:22

I was trying to find somehing to watch on Netflix last night. Looked at crime documentaries. They're all about men killing women. Or men killing children.

I like a bit of true crime sometimes, but it's actually too much. What the hell have we been putting up with over decades and centuries! There was a guest on Steven Bartletts Diary of a CEO who said the most dangerous person to a woman is her husband! I believe it. We've taken this shit for too long.

OP posts:
SwoopDog · 18/03/2025 10:17

LizzieW1969 · 18/03/2025 09:31

I do know there are plenty of decent men, including my DH and 2 BILs and a few male friends who I’ve known for many years. However, the difficulty we have is that we can’t know who is genuinely a good person and who is putting on an act.

My DM is a very bright woman, but she thought my F was a decent man. The reality was that he was sexually abusing my DSis and me. It came as a massive shock to her when we told her about it around 10 years ago.

I discovered that the husbands of a few friends weren’t the decent men I thought they were.

Unfortunately i thought my exh was decent as well. He looks like a dream from the outside. Helpful, kind, respectful, well spoken and mannered. And then the well-hidden secret side that i couldnt live with. In his words, most guys are like him. Who knows..my dad treated my mum badly, my uncle makes 'innocent ' jokes about my figure every time i see them, my brothers.. they also look decent but who knows.

I think most men watch porn ( and don't care about the female-expoloiting industry behind it) and put value on women based on things they do to them (gives me sex, makes me look good, looks after me and the kids/house/finances/cooks). But very few actually value the person besides these functions. If im wrong, show me the evidence! Id love to be proven wrong!

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 13:58

SwoopDog · 18/03/2025 10:17

Unfortunately i thought my exh was decent as well. He looks like a dream from the outside. Helpful, kind, respectful, well spoken and mannered. And then the well-hidden secret side that i couldnt live with. In his words, most guys are like him. Who knows..my dad treated my mum badly, my uncle makes 'innocent ' jokes about my figure every time i see them, my brothers.. they also look decent but who knows.

I think most men watch porn ( and don't care about the female-expoloiting industry behind it) and put value on women based on things they do to them (gives me sex, makes me look good, looks after me and the kids/house/finances/cooks). But very few actually value the person besides these functions. If im wrong, show me the evidence! Id love to be proven wrong!

Theres is no way of proving whether or not most men value the women in their lives. But just remember there are plenty women who are happily married, happily dating, happily single. Plenty happy women in the world. It ain't all doom and gloom out there.

MerryTealHedgehog · 18/03/2025 14:05

what are you on about pluto TV has a channel about just female killers. It's all over YouTube and crime podcasts.

Alucard55 · 18/03/2025 17:32

Butchyrestingface · 18/03/2025 08:52

I watched a two-parter on Netflix the other night about a case of very serious female on male domestic abuse ('My Wife: My Abuser'), @SwoopDog . Definitely worth a watch, but as you say, an anomaly amongst the sea of male-on-female related true crime docus.

At one point in the programme, a female detective cried as the victim related what his wife had done to him, and told him she was so sorry about what he'd been through. Cynical me does wonder whether she shows so much empathy towards FEMALE victims or has just become inured to it all when it's a woman.

Edited

I thought exactly the same. Also there was a program called The Jury were a man took a hammer to his wife's head, went out to the shed, then came back and strangled her to death. Quite a few members of the jury were doing everything they could to excuse this man's actions. Women were sympathising with him and at one point someone said "she was asking for it wasn't she". Absolutely infuriating.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 17:49

Alucard55 · 18/03/2025 17:32

I thought exactly the same. Also there was a program called The Jury were a man took a hammer to his wife's head, went out to the shed, then came back and strangled her to death. Quite a few members of the jury were doing everything they could to excuse this man's actions. Women were sympathising with him and at one point someone said "she was asking for it wasn't she". Absolutely infuriating.

Was that the program that used actors in some kind of social experiment based on a real life court case?

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 17:54

I thought exactly the same. Also there was a program called The Jury were a man took a hammer to his wife's head, went out to the shed, then came back and strangled her to death. Quite a few members of the jury were doing everything they could to excuse this man's actions. Women were sympathising with him and at one point someone said "she was asking for it wasn't she". Absolutely infuriating.

Unfortunately this is really common, I've complained about new articles which seem to excuse the actions of a man apparently driven to murder his wife.

When my mum was killed by her partner a number of people suggested she asked for it because she was leaving him for another man.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 17:59

I think if it was a woman who had murdered her husband after snapping at being verbally abused I think the same people would sympathise with a female killer. Its nothing to do with sex just their mindset about what makes murder understandable.

JohnSt1 · 18/03/2025 18:02

Countless evils have been carried out by men of my own generation, but between the porn apocalypse and the likes of Conor McGregor, Trump, and Tate, and the celebration of hardman bullshit, it's terrifying to think of what's coming next.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 18:05

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 17:59

I think if it was a woman who had murdered her husband after snapping at being verbally abused I think the same people would sympathise with a female killer. Its nothing to do with sex just their mindset about what makes murder understandable.

Are you for fucking real? Making murder understandable??

Have you any idea what it's like to have a family member murdered and to have people sympathise with the man who killed her?

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 18:10

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 18:05

Are you for fucking real? Making murder understandable??

Have you any idea what it's like to have a family member murdered and to have people sympathise with the man who killed her?

I'm talking about the effin tv program! It was a program with actors.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 18:18

I'm talking about the effin tv program! It was a program with actors.
I gave a real life example. And you're still trying to justify murder.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 18:21

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 18:18

I'm talking about the effin tv program! It was a program with actors.
I gave a real life example. And you're still trying to justify murder.

Stop and take a minute! I'm talking about those people. Read my posts again. I dont think you should be involved in a thread that started off based on true crime documentaries and violent crime if its too upsetting for you.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 18:36

Stop and take a minute! I'm talking about those people. Read my posts again. I dont think you should be involved in a thread that started off based on true crime documentaries and violent crime if it's too upsetting for you.

Don't be so patronising.
I'm not sure you fully understand that true crime documentaries are based on real, actual crime. There are people who experience these events and therefore want to challenge ignorant views.

And why does it matter that you were talking about a particular programme. Those are clearly your views.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 18:48

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 18:36

Stop and take a minute! I'm talking about those people. Read my posts again. I dont think you should be involved in a thread that started off based on true crime documentaries and violent crime if it's too upsetting for you.

Don't be so patronising.
I'm not sure you fully understand that true crime documentaries are based on real, actual crime. There are people who experience these events and therefore want to challenge ignorant views.

And why does it matter that you were talking about a particular programme. Those are clearly your views.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ do not say what my views are or are not. I say what my views are.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 19:02

do not say what my views are or are not. I say what my views are.

You certainly do @Anchorage56
They come through loud and clear.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 19:06

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 19:02

do not say what my views are or are not. I say what my views are.

You certainly do @Anchorage56
They come through loud and clear.

As do yours!

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 19:30

As do yours!

I'm 100% okay with this.
I'm confident that my views aren't discriminatory, sexist, or misogynistic.
They're grounded in facts, data and experiences.

SandyY2K · 18/03/2025 19:36

SwoopDog · 16/03/2025 15:42

You are obviously a man 💯

What i want is men to stop being violent. I want the society to stop enabling and excusing abuse. I want women and children being able to walk around and exist in the world without a threat of being killed, raped, trafficked, exploited and abused.

I like watching true crime.

The majority of men who kill, as they have a propensity for violence. You just need to look at the global prison population...but I've seen a lot of female killer programmes too.

I watch the crime and ID channel and other similar channels.

'Snapped: Women who kill' is full of female killers.

Many women hire hitmen to kill their husband's.
Others do it themselves.
Then there are the women who kill their kids.

Most of what I watch is in the US, but I can recall enough UK women who have murdered people.

There's no doubt that men do most of the killings. I'm amazed at how wicked human beings can be and they kill for the flimsiest of reasons...like, not wanting to get divorced or pure jealousy, because they're partner wants to leave them or has left them.

It's a sad world.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 19:42

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 19:30

As do yours!

I'm 100% okay with this.
I'm confident that my views aren't discriminatory, sexist, or misogynistic.
They're grounded in facts, data and experiences.

100% ditto! Absolutely 100%

Alucard55 · 18/03/2025 19:43

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 17:49

Was that the program that used actors in some kind of social experiment based on a real life court case?

Channel 4 I think. It used actors to recreate what took place in court. 2 separate jury's were made up of real people. 1 set found the "accused" guilty and 1 didn't. There was one male jury member in particular who was appalling in his attitude and was punching the air shouting out "YES!" When the "accused" was found innocent.

The woman was bludgeoned and strangled to death.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 19:46

Alucard55 · 18/03/2025 19:43

Channel 4 I think. It used actors to recreate what took place in court. 2 separate jury's were made up of real people. 1 set found the "accused" guilty and 1 didn't. There was one male jury member in particular who was appalling in his attitude and was punching the air shouting out "YES!" When the "accused" was found innocent.

The woman was bludgeoned and strangled to death.

But please remember that was a TV show. Drama and entertainment. The people taking part were aware it was for TV and although based on real life was not actually real life itself. Designed to entice people to watch, to comment and to get heated.

Alucard55 · 18/03/2025 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 19:51

Says the person attacking me for a perfectly logical statement

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 19:59

100% ditto! Absolutely 100%

Hmmm your post on 'toxic feminism' was definitely not based on fact, I mean you clearly don't even know the correct definition of that term. It was also quite misogynistic.

Your views on murder being understandable in some cases is definitely not based on lived experience. Your excuse about it being in relation to a TV programme also doesn't wash and just makes you sound ill informed and lacking in empathy.

Anchorage56 · 18/03/2025 20:09

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 18/03/2025 19:59

100% ditto! Absolutely 100%

Hmmm your post on 'toxic feminism' was definitely not based on fact, I mean you clearly don't even know the correct definition of that term. It was also quite misogynistic.

Your views on murder being understandable in some cases is definitely not based on lived experience. Your excuse about it being in relation to a TV programme also doesn't wash and just makes you sound ill informed and lacking in empathy.

Just like you said about your views also being based on experiences- so are mine. The facts and data- yes I've never disagreed with the fact that more men commit violent crime.

And I am confident that I'm not sexist, misogynistic or discriminatory.

I also like to think ahead and think of future outcomes, so what?

Anything else?

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