To want to leave our dream house because of neighbours tv on party wall

[sapphicy]

Bit of a rant. We’ve issues with our neighbours - semi detached house, we’ve been here 5 years and started off well (Christmas cards etc) but then a year or so ago they put a tv on the shared wall (right below where our headboard is) and refused to move it when we explained we can hear it over our own tv and we can’t sleep when its on as we can hear every single word reverberating in the wall. We’ve tried talking to them several times and also written a letter asking them to move this tv off the wall, their answer is always no.

Long story short we’ve resorted to playing white noise full blast through the smart speaker every night, right against the wall behind our bed, as it’s the only way we can sleep over their tv. They’re retired and seem to be night owls, so the tv noise continues to 1-2am even on weeknights. I have to get up at 6.30 for work and I was so tired for a while it was making me ill.

Their tv is annoying during the evenings too as we have to turn our tv up ridiculously loud to not be able to also hear theirs, and if we have guests over people will comment about how loud their tv is, it’s not nice trying to have a nice chilled dinner and all we can hear is them watching the news.

DP lost her temper one night and banged on their door until they opened - they basically told her to pee off and that we were not going to tell them where they put their tv or what they do in their own home. It’s like they think we’re a pair of hysterical women exaggerating about how loud it is on our side.

Theyve now also had their bathroom ripped out and the old suite and all the bags of rubble have been in their front garden for about a month, it’s a real eyesore.

I am at my wits end. I knocked on the door last week after another neighbour messaged me moaning about the dumped bathroom, and they were clearly at home and ignoring me.

This house was a dream come true for us and we’ve spent our savings making it nice, and we’ve now been reduced to relying on the bloody Alexa in order to be able to sleep. Luckily DD room is on the other side of the house but if we were to have another baby they’d also have a room on the party wall and would be kept awake by the noise.

I am reluctant to go to the council as we’d then have to declare the problems if we decide to sell the house.

Would add that we haven’t done anything to wind them up - we go to bed early and don’t party! The worst we’ve ever had was a few drunk guests vaping in the garden on a Saturday night, and DD crying all night was over long before they put the tv on the wall.

AIBU to want to cut our losses and move into something detached, even if we make a loss? DP wants to stand our ground, but they own their house so unless they sell, this is probably just going to continue forever.

Any other ideas? :(

@sapphicy why don’t you just get the shared walls soundproofed? Have you actually spoken to a consulatant? It’s a lot cheaper than moving and very effective. Surely the obvious answer??

It sounds to me as if communication between yourselves and neighbours have broken down. You can't force them to move their TV to another wall, and they refuse to be considerate towards you. I suspect because they are in their 70's they are likely somewhat deaf, so the TV is probably louder due to that, which is made worse because it's on a wall that's not soundproofed. Don't go down any official channels, as soon as you do, you are legally required to disclose this information upon selling your home (regardless if you sold tomorrow or in 10 years time). All I can see is you have a couple of options - look into soundproofing your side of the wall, moved bedrooms (if it's an option) or move to a detached house. Semi-detached properties are great, providing you have considerate neighbours. If you don't, then as you're finding out, it can be a nightmare. It's a myth that all elderly people are lovely, some aren't!!

Respectfully disagree, I think putting a tv on a party wall is almost always going to be cf behaviour, after being on the receiving end of it. And the other neighbour in question won’t go and speak to them because she doesn’t like confrontation, but I don’t think either of us is unreasonable though to ask when the old bathroom will be moved off the front lawn after a month!

Moving is costly if it were me I’d seriously consider soundproofing the party wall but also moving the wardrobes up against it. That’s a bit awkward if they’re fitted but I had a similar situation in a house where I could hear my neighbours chatting and we discovered they recently put their bed head on the party wall which was the same as me.

We both moved our standalone wardrobes to the party wall and I couldn’t hear them after that

We had this a few years back. The noise when they installed the TV on the wall was horrendous and the guy next door was deaf and had hearing aids so when it was just him watching TV or playing video games we could hear every word and it travelled up the whole house. They were a very loud family in general but the TV was definitely the worst issue. Luckily they put their house up for sale after a few months of the TV going up and the new family don't have a TV in the same place. It has had a lasting affect on us and we are planning on moving in the next few years and will only consider a detached house.

We moved 18 months ago and our very sweet elderly neighbours always ask if we can hear their tv or the cat. We never have and we ask them if they can hear us (dog, small child, kids tv). They said they cant and then the male neighbour told us the people that lived in our house 10 years ago had a little boy that used to lunch around the house, so our neighbour soundproofed the wall. He told us he cannot hear us and we definitely cannot hear them.

Just get soundproofing, will be cheaper than selling the house

Yet you would choose to not declare it if you moved so that someone else would have to live with it?

Also an eyesore on their property is just that. Annoying for you but their business.

Im not saying I wouldn’t do the same thing or I wouldn’t be annoyed but you are in no position to judge cf behaviour.

My in-laws had to get their walls sound proofed. Which helped a bit. I'd rip out inbuilt wardrobe and move bed to the otherside. Then sound proofing plus new built in wardrobes should hopefully help! Otherwise move, but I think the above would be cheaper.

I live in a flat and have only one shared bedroom wall with my neighbour. When I moved in, I could hear my neighbours’ every bedroom activity from chatting to TV to every slap of flesh during sex. It was horrendous.

Sounds a bit like a flat I lived in. The soundproofing was non-existent, and if you didn't have the tv or anything on you could tell when the neighbours were eating their dinner. You could literally hear the clatter of cutlery on plate. Every word of conversation was clearly audible and the noise of anyone dropping something hard seemed so loud it made me jump.

Thankfully, I was renting so moved when the the year's agreement was up.

Out of curiosity, I just looked on Rightmove and a 2-bed flat in the same block is on the market for £255k. I wouldn't live there again if someone paid me £255k to move in!

@andthat It’s costly and may not actually work, my pp below

This didn’t work in our case. We spent £££’s on removing plaster, getting thick soundproofing boards on the shared wall then replastering. As they were semis they shared joists and the sound just travelled through the joists. It was hell.
You have my sympathy op, we were in the exact same situation and it made me seriously ill.
We moved to a wreck of a detached house, all we could afford. I would rather live in a silent wreck than share a wall with neighbours ever again.

I don't think you've responded to the suggestions about sound proofing?

You say you can't move your bed because of a fitted wardrobe. Removing that and getting a new one is a lot cheaper than moving house. As is sound proofing. They do sound very inconsiderate with the volume.

If my neighbour had a bathroom on their front lawn for a month I'd probably be a bit miffed, but I wouldn't go and ask them when it's going.

I don't know who decided that your bed should go against a party wall but that was your first mistake.
Moving is a huge upheaval and very expensive so in this instance I would:

1. Take out the fitted wardrobes and move the bed.
2. Add sound proofing panels to the offending wall and then place free standing wardrobes in front (not touching).

This will help block the noise and vibration. It's not fair and you shouldn't have to do any of this but you do what you have to do to be able to sleep.

We had this issue.

My husband spoke to neighbours and requested after 12 it would be turned down as it was making me ill and I needed at least 6/7 hrs sleep to be able to be sane and go to work. I mean I wanted to go to bed at 10 but we were compromising!

He offered to buy them headphones! They were embarrassed and turned TV down. We think it was the dad who would fall asleep with TV on and didn't realize.

We were thinking of soundproofing. we used white noise. It was stressful. It did make me ill not sleeping.

DH did go mad and bang one night like a deranged beast on the wall! Then he went round and reasoned with them.

We couldn't move bed away from wall but I wished we could..I almost swapped with DC for the smallest room just to have quiet. Reasoned kids can sleep through any noise whereas I hear everything.

Lack of sleep is the worst..

I am reluctant to go to the council as we’d then have to declare the problems if we decide to sell the house.

Would you really feel comfortable selling it without declaring this major problem?

In a bedroom?

Unlikely there's room

People that put TVs on party walls are fucking selfish arseholes. (you may guess we have similar)

Yes we can hear it over our own TV. I can hear their radio and what they're watching, usually high speed car chase type films.

Before you consider moving, what sound insulation could you look at, I was browsing some time ago these really pretty square panels that look like plasterwork, obviosuly there is a cost and it will make the room very slightly smaller becuase it has to be fixed to battens I believe.

Have a think about that first before knee jerking to a move.

If they have hearing problems you'd probably cause yourself more distress as you would need it to be so loud to bother them.

My husband is hard of hearing now, try living on the same side of the wall, it is driving me insane.

I like the idea of putting up a "For Sale" sign. I would tell them that you're moving because of the noise from their TV and that the council have approached you about buying your property as accommodation for families in need but you're waiting to see how much they will offer.

Surely it would be cheaper to renovate your bedroom, put some sound insulation and change the configuration of the room than actually moving?

I feel your pain. Honestly I've been unlucky to be in this situation a few times over the years in various properties (I'm also very sensitive to noise, so that probably doesn't help). Anyway, lots of advice has already been given out. Re soundproofing - I did this with one property, built the whole wall separate from the wall, every soundproofing element you could think of...did it work? Yes and no. It muffled the sound (so couldn't hear every word of the TV) but the sound was still there. My partner at the time couldn't hear anything after the work was done, just me, so it depends how sensitive you are (or tuned into the sound). It's worth doing if you don't want to move. It did take about a foot out of the room though.
What I mainly came here to say is that ear plugs, proper ones, are your solution for sleep. I had moulded ear plugs and they work brilliantly. Also great if you have a snoring partner. They are expensive but worth every penny. You can get the moulds done in Boots, very easy and they arrive in a few weeks. They have preserved my sanity and allowed me to sleep in these situations in the short term. Obviously they don't fix the issues in terms of just enjoying your house day to day...I really hope you can find a solution for that. Life is too short to be unhappy in your own home.

https://www.acscustom.com/uk/products/other-products/sleep-sound/

Tbh based on this YABU. You can’t tell your neighbours to move their furniture about to suit you because you’re unwilling to move yours. How do you know they don’t have built in furniture that makes it difficult to move the tv?

That sounds like a pretty good plan. Soundproofing that goes behind built-in wardrobes might well be cheaper, as it won't matter what it looks like.

I have had this issue, I made a post about it called my neighbour is harassing us with the radio.

If you can't move I really recommend using environmental health, it's for exactly the kind of behaviour your describing

The neighbours sound inconsiderate twats, we had this when elderly neighbours adult nephew moved in and wall mounted a TV on party wall shared DCs bedroom right by their bed.
I had to say something in the end, also watched til 1am or later and violent films.
Thankfully they were reasonable and moved it
There should be a law against wall mounted tvs on party walls!
Your neighbours are being unbelievably selfish.
So options are
Look into installing soundproof plasterboard on that wall.
Can you move your bed, put wardrobe against that wall or even change bedrooms? (appreciate this may not be viable)
Move house
Or start a noise complaint with council, recording incidents etc.if it's loud and anti social times then they should investigate.
However this will need to declared if you move.

I’d let dd say with friends or relatives for a few days, borrow some speakers off my dj brother and start playing hardsyle through the wall as soon as they turn their tv off to go to bed. But I’m a petty bastard haha