To think we all want to be mothered no matter how old we are?

[SlB09]

I'm in my 40's, really feeling the feels today, not feeling grounded and really actually I think I just want to be 'mothered'. I want to be the one taken care of, I want to sink into that childlike state of just feeling safe.

Do we all need 'mothering'? Id be interested to also hear from those who no longer have a mother or have never had a mother figure?

I absolutely agree. My mother died in 2007 but she was very much a motherly mother and I miss it. I miss being nurtured so I now nurture my niece.

I wish my mum had been more of a mum. Spent a lot of time walking on eggshells around her

Yes. That feeling of being "held" I think

My mother was abusive and we have been NC for decades, she's currently in her last few weeks/days of life apparently.

Unfortunately due to the trauma in childhood I've developed hyper independence and, as such, never want to be looked after, it annoys me when anyone tries. I much prefer to do everything by myself and it makes me feel weird and insecure when someone tries to help or look after me.

Yep I get what you mean. My mum died when i was early 20s and I thought I was ‘over’ it (as much as you ever are) until I had my own children, and now I miss her more than ever. The way other people (not everyone obviously) talk about how their mum is as a grandma and how they looked after them in the newborn days and they call if they’re struggling etc etc, I’m sad I don’t have that. I have the loveliest MIL on the planet luckily who is a fab granny, but it’s not the same relationship.

do you think what you mean is that you want all the things you associate with mothering; kindness, unconditional love, a hug, high level detached advice, a good home cooked meal etc etc?

or is there something that you specifically think only a mother can give?

When I'm ill I very much appreciate my partner bringing me hot drinks and/or meals on a tray. Birthday gifts etc are welcome.

But I don't really like being 'pampered' and spoiled and fussed over. Or people trying to take over when I am doing something I can do perfectly well do by myself.

Not necessarily mothering, but love connection and care, those feelings are associated with a mother for a lot of people.

I know not everyone had a supportive mother.

I miss my mother so much it hurts to remember she died, luckily I have a very kind loving DH.

Yes, of course.

I'm 40 and when things are going badly, I want my mother - and I know, as it happens, that I don't really want my mother, who is pretty awful, but I want that feeling of being mothered.

Something I think is lovely, and very important, is finding 'mothering' in lots of other types of relationship. I have close friends who absolutely understand how to step in and 'mother' each other. It's hugely valuable. A friend of mine who had her daughter around the time I had mine summed it up beautifully: she said 'we became mothers, but we learned to mother each other, didn't we?' It's true.

Not in contact with my mother (her choice). Can honestly say my mental health is so much better without her in the picture. I hate it when anyone tries to do the classic mothering thing. I honestly don't relate to what you are saying, but I guess everyone is different 🤷

I feel this so strongly. My mum died suddenly when I was 21. Such a shock. I miss that relationship so much.

My dad is emotionally dead and couldn’t give a shit about me, my siblings or my children.

It would be wonderful to have that one place of safety and love where someone doesn’t want something from you. I pour all of my unconditional love into my DC instead, but sometimes it’s really lonely not having the same state for yourself.

Just today I was thinking how much I want my mum. I'm 53. She died in 2021.

I really really miss her and her stark common sense and I know she loved me.

Definitely, OP! I long to be mothered and I think my mother does too; she is so kind and sweet but also quite childlike. When we were kids she used to say all the time how she needed ‘a wife’.

Probably only if you're close with your mum. A lot of people aren't that lucky.

Yes we occasionally need that “being mothered”feeling, an emotion of care and safety only a mother can bring. Even when we ourselves are very mature with mature children

Ive recently been through a bad patch but having just 2 or 3 tearful breakdowns as I talked to my mum made me feel so much calmer afterwards.

My dear mum is in her 90’s, I’m not young. Her parenting me when I got upset, with her advice, wisdom and a hug was a wonderful and a massive help. I’m blessed to have her.

Some people do but some people hate it

I'm at a life stage where I'd like it but not in the way I've experienced it

I think most of us want a trad wife tbh. I mean in the sense of chores and organising.

My mum died when I was 4. I have always felt the lack of that relationship.

I think you want to be mothered

And plenty on this thread do too

But of course ALL of us don't want this, like me

I’d love to be mothered sometimes. I didn’t have a great mother (narcissistic/abusive mother, parentified child situation) and could never really ‘rest’ with her. It’s really tiring when you never get that true rest - a sense of someone watching out for you so you can let down your guard. Therapy comes close but not 100%.

Why don’t you want it? (If you don’t mind me asking). Do you feel like you got enough of it in childhood/elsewhere and you just don’t need it anymore?

I said the same to my friend the other day, I wish that just once my mother would just be a mum to me. Life has been pretty tough the last few years (DH's terminal illness, his death and now some more really not great news around health) and I would've liked her to support me just once but she never will.

Yes. My mum died when I was a teenager so I have never had a mother as an adult.

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel I can empathise with you there. My mum walked out when I was young. I’m not able to sustain adult relationships especially those I need to be emotionally vulnerable in,

My mums been dead nearly 5 years, and due to her dementia she wasn't herself as a person for a good 10 years before that. I miss that unconditional love and interest that she had, you know you could tell her the most stupid small thing you'd achieved or done (or the same for ds) and she'd want to know and celebrate. Or make my favourite pudding without me asking just because she knew I loved it.
I'm in my 50's and def want to be mothered sometimes

Same here for same reason and also can’t have anyone doing stuff for me, I have to do every for myself, being ‘looked after’ makes me feel strange