To think we all want to be mothered no matter how old we are?

[SlB09]

I'm in my 40's, really feeling the feels today, not feeling grounded and really actually I think I just want to be 'mothered'. I want to be the one taken care of, I want to sink into that childlike state of just feeling safe.

Do we all need 'mothering'? Id be interested to also hear from those who no longer have a mother or have never had a mother figure?

I don't feel it's being 'mothered' but I do like being cared for. As a previous poster said, not pampered or anything out of the ordinary but just a cup of tea or sometimes supper, without being asked. I think that's almost the definition of a caring relationship to provide for your partner before they realise the need.

The older I get the more I am realising how much of my dysfunction stems from not having had a safe reliable nurturing mother figure in my life. I find mothering my own children quite triggering in this regard as I spend so much time hugging them, caring for them, kissing and praising and generally pampering them, and it really makes me feel the holes in my own sense of self worth and self love which my upbringing with (and without much of the time) my mentally unwell and emotionally unreliable /immature mother. So often after I've hugged my 4 y o to sleep I'll lie next to her and weep a bit, thinking how much I love her and how I don't think anyone ever has or will love me that way.

When I was in hospital after giving birth to her (emergency c section) the midwife in the post surgical ward took such gentle care of me, bathed me etc and I wept at that too.

So yes I do think we all want mothering!

Yes absolutely. I try to mother my boys as much as i can get away with, because i know the day will come i won't be here to do it.

My mum died when I was 8. I have missed her terribly throughout my life and still do now I'm in my 50s. I still have memories of her and they are lovely memories of someone who made me feel happy, warm and safe.Would love to have that now but I try to provide those things to my lovely adult children

I've never been mothered and I definitely would have loved to be. I see how much my MIL adores and dotes on my DH and I am jealous.

I get it. Weirdly the person who “mothered” me best was an ex boyfriend who was incredibly good at cooking, running me a bath, bringing me snacks while letting me laze around etc. he would have made an amazing house husband, but it didn’t work out for other reasons …

Both of my parents passed when I was fairly young and it just makes me feel sad not having parents. I crave the feeling of going to someone and being looked after. I sometimes want someone to put their arms around me and tell me that everything’s going to be okay rather than me being the parent and having to reassure others. Which is why I’m always trying my best to be that parent to my children. Doesn’t stop that feeling of wanting my parents though. Oh well. At least I had that for a short time, I know I’m lucky.

I came home and had a little cry after seeing my mother today. I was trying to talk to her and she wasn’t listening or interested in a word I was saying. I stopped speaking mid sentence and she didn’t notice. This has been going on for a couple of years now and I think it’s dawned on me that I need to stop trying all together. I don’t want to be mothered but I would have loved a mother who was bothered.

She’s only in her mid 50s so I can’t blame old age.

I get this so much ❤️

I think it would be lovely @SlB09. My children know they will be mothered for as long as I am here. They are 30 and 26.

When DS was born, for various reasons, I realised I had never been mothered. I have never expected it since the age of about 14. I was blessed to have exceptional grandparents.

My mother, 88, now fully expects to be daughtered. It is hard.

I never had a loving Mother, in fact I was scared of her from as early as I remember. My Dad was ok but turned a blind eye to how she was with me.
Luckily I had a loving Grandma, who gave me big hugs, I used to love seeing her every Saturday.
I never felt really safe until I met my husband and had two children…. they were my family and now the four Grandchildren, who I obviously adore.
So, No I’ve never been Mothered but it must be nice. 😊

My mother was too involved in her own issues to do much mothering, and as a consequence I'm very independent, prefer to look after myself and don't tend to look for support. My DH is good at looking after me when I do need it.

I mother my adult boys as much as they'll let me, though, always have. They brought out in me nurturing instincts I certainly didn't learn from my own mother, and I'm the first person they call when they need support. I suppose that will change when they settle down with partners, but I'll still be there for them.

I am the one who mothers everyone else, including my own mother from the time I was 6 years old, not to mention my younger siblings with mental health problems, DH also with mental health problems and my SEN child and toddler of course. My mother loves me in her own way but has never been able to take care of herself, let alone her children. Mostly I'm fine but occasionally I get a massive wobble where I just wish someone, anyone, would notice how much I struggle and look after me like a parent would for a while.

my mum died 6 weeks before I gave birth, she was the person I wanted to call to tell her my baby had arrived

O don't have either parent now and I do miss them, I mother my dc and have a close bond, she said to me recently how lucky she is to have me as she has just had a baby and knows I didn't get that looking after...

I don't have a close emotional bond with my Mum, but her way of showing affection when I was growing up was to cook, clean etc. I've definitely had moments where I've wanted to take a few days off adulting and have these things done for me.

@Icanttakethisanymore yes you've hit the nail on the head I think in your first paragraph.

@SarahAndQuack that's simply beautiful. I wish all females experience this type of relationship in their lives

@WhenSunnyGetsBlue thank you, definitely why I wanted to hear from all perspectives. Thankyou for your insight.

Thank you. I know I am very lucky with my friends.

@Candlepear 100% feel that

I honestly could not think of anything more smothering.
I love my Mum as a human being.. end of.

@NicolaCasanova maybe that's it, I need a wife haha!!

Yes I have that feeling too. I wouldn't want my mum to mother me though but another one, a fantasy mum.

This is me as well. I don’t even know what that would be like any more. I think it’s resulted in me being quite cold towards others sometimes particularly when they act in a way I perceive to be soft.

My mum has never been affectionate - would never give you a hug or told you that she loved you, etc. I never really realised how much it affected me (I’m a very independent, don’t rely on anyone sort of person) until my current relationship. I am with the most loving and caring woman (lesbian relationship) who nurtures me to the point where I notice those inner child wounds healing. I have often wondered what my life would have turned out like had I had a mother who did that for me instead, but on the flip side of that, I wonder would I have been as resilient to handle all the shit that life has chucked at me? I try to not dwell on it so much, as it’ll probably never change in my case.