To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

Well as SP & a BP and with adult and teen girls I wouldn't make the decision you are considering.

Resentment with teens in how they are treated in the family structure actually sometimes doesn't blow over.

And your DD likely didn't want it because she had access to a similar set up and privacy that she didn't find scary. If you follow through with changing it to remove her en suite I wouldn't count on her not wanting it for long.

Christ, I grew up in a 3 bed semi with one bathroom and there were 6 kids and 2 parents. Oh what I would have given for just one extra bathroom let alone my own bedroom and 6 bathrooms!

Is it feasible to knock current ensuite and office in to one bedroom, and make 3 year olds box room into a new ensuite if its next to DDs room, or atleast convert it to a private toilet and sink room for 13 year old? Then shes still got the same as DSD, still has her own private toilet, and is equal to everyone else when it comes to baths/showers? My own private toilet would be incredible, but i dont need a private bath/shower.

Presumably the bathrooms don’t have glass panelled walls and have a door? I don’t know what isn’t private about the bathrooms.

The vast majority of people don’t have an ensuite. I don’t have one and feel like the bathroom is private apart from when the dog follows me in

My parents had an en-suite when I was growing up. I wasn't that keen using their shower as a teenager if they were in and out of the bedroom - I preferred to use the family bathroom. Equally, I wouldn't be that keen showering on the ground floor if there are visitors in the house.

Could be feasible. Though it wouldn’t connect to dds room and the plan was to use it for storage/extra wardrobe space which I think might be more useful. Also I can see it being a lot more difficult and costly to add a bathroom than remove one.
But, definitely something that can be considered and discussed.

thatsfunnybecause
There is a family bathroom both upstairs and downstairs, both are a bit rubbish and only have showers though. We will be doing them both up and add baths.

Why do you want to install a bath in the ground floor bathroom? That seems a bit odd to me.

Could you merge all three but put a smaller en-suite back in, even just a toilet and sink for dd?

Would dd13 room be big enough to put a small en-suit on the room itself?

You'd put a robe on, surely?

Her bedroom is nice but she would defiantly be offered upgrades to soften the blow if we remove the ensuite

Well, I wouldn't be keen walking past a neighbour/family friend/Waitrose delivery man in a bathrobe if I was showering downstairs.

Why not? You're covered up, surely?

I'd feel embarrassed.

That’s a great idea. As long as next door to each other. Hence need a floor plan @thatsfunnybecause

13yr still gets en suite

toddler gets a bigger bedroom

I would let her keep it. With periods it makes so much difference. The 3 year old doesn't need a big room for another 8-10 years. It will cause resentment and be expensive and for what?

Just because you/your dc/your dog didn't have a en-suite doesn't mean that she can't feel hurt if it's taken away. Taking it away is very different to never having one. And yes, it is her parents' house and they don't own a room, but it's the room she has been given.

I mean, let's say you phone up to book a room in a hotel, and they say they'll give you an upgrade to the best room with a balcony etc. You arrive, looking forward to the extras, and they tell you they decided another guest could have it.
I suspect most people would feel indignant and feel it had been taken away.

But if you'd not been told you could have it, then you wouldn't have considered having it.
Now in both you're in exactly the same position you paid for, but in the first you feel you missed out on something.

Surely you can see how that is different?

My (very loving) parents on a couple of occasions decided something of mine was going down to my brother. I was the middle one and at the time there was very little difference in size between me and him, but I was much smaller than my older sister.
I particularly remember when I came home and discovered my parents had put stabilisers on my bike (which I rode regularly) because my brother's bike was getting a bit small for him. The next size up bike which my sister had finished with, was far too big for me.
It hurt, and the hurt feeling, stayed with me, and made me feel as though I was less important, and certainly that my feelings were less important.
I remember mum saying "but surely you realise how important it is for him to have a bike". But now I didn't have a bike - in fact it would have been more suitable for my brother because he had stabilisers so not going to fall off.

I had the smallest room, slightly bigger than a box room at home all through until I left home. I also, for very odd reasons had the spare wardrobe in my room, leaving me with about 1m^2 floor space at best. I couldn't even open my wardrobe doors fully.
My sister had a room about three times the size, and my brother's was almost double.
But I never minded, because that was the rooms we had been given when we moved in. It never even occurred to me to mind.

Why? Why does having periods mean you need the 'privacy' of a bathroom no-one else uses? For 30 odd years, I have managed to change a tampon without anyone seeing by just closing the bathroom door. Same as when I'm having a wee or whatever. I even lock the door so that someone can't come in while I'm in the middle of whatever I'm doing. How will she manage at school or work, having to use a cubicle that gasp other people can also use?

The 3 year doesn’t t know any different to not having what the older siblings had. Leave it alone and leave DD with the existing arrangements

But this child doesnt need to shower downstairs, there is a bathroom with a shower upstairs

And even if she did, as other posters have referenced, so many posters here including you are completely out of touch with how most peoples houses are arranged. There are millions of properties with one and only downstairs bathroom, off the kitchen. Family homes, completely usable and appropriate.

This thread is just staggering

The office can be kitted out as the toddler's playroom for now if space for toys is what you're lacking. As the toddler grows then maybe another solution will present itself. (Boys want to share, dsd moves out etc). I wouldn't go destroying a bathroom and knocking down walls at this stage.

And just being a bit pedantic, cant remember which poster said this, but the girls are biologically related, they are half sisters. Not relevant to anything of course, just pointing out the inaccuracy.

Are all those people in the house all the time just waiting for the 13 year old to go downstairs to the shower?! Some of the replies on this thread are hilarious 🤣

It sounds as if though, that both the office room and the small bedroom are neither use nor ornament, they're too small to serve much purpose for anything to be effectively useable. The house has to work for all occupants.

If this is what some teenagers are being told to expect just imagine what future employers are going to have to put up with 🤦‍♀️ it’s crazy.