To take away dd(13)s en-suite?

[thatsfunnybecause]

Dd(13) has bedroom with an ensuite, 3 year old is at the moment in a tiny room that basically just fits a bed and wardrobe.

We want to combine dd’s en-suite and DH’s office to make decent size bedroom for 3 year old.

Up until dd(13) was 11 and we moved to a bigger house she always had to share with either younger brother or older step sister.

She thinks as she had to share until she was 11, that younger siblings should share until then or be lucky and get tiny room of their own. And that by the time toddler is that age she will move out and she can have her room.

Is it unreasonable to take away her en-suite?

If you’re going to stay in this home for the long run then I would do as you suggest.

She might leave for uni but she will be back and taking away the en-suite later is only going to get worse.

I would assume that’s a downstairs wc.

You seem pretty blases about the complexity of blended families if you think that.

Does the 15 year SD who will keep their room, sink and toilet live with you full time?

Yes, at least 95% of the time.

@Cathandkin OP has now clarified that she was counting the 2,loos as bathrooms. I think replies would be somewhat different if she hadn’t done that. Posters are envisaging 7 bedroom house with 6 bathrooms. It isn’t.

If she takes out the en suite, 6 of the bedrooms will be sharing 1 family bathroom plus a ground floor shower room.

When were the bedrooms last decorated? Are the carpets/flooring in good condition? It wouldn't be fair for the 3 year old to get a freshly decorated bedroom if her sister's bedroom is looking a bit tired and she has lost her en-suite.

Like others said, I wouldn’t get rid of an en-suite.

Knocking through 3 different rooms into one is going to be a big and expensive job. Seems a bit excessive to lose two extra rooms just so a toddler can play in their room, when they already have a playroom and you could also just give them the office room as an additional room. If it was get rid of the ensuite so 3 y/o could have a room at all (as she'd otherwise be sharing), that would be different. But to get rid of an ensuite (and office) just so 3 y/o can have a bigger room seems excessive, and I can see why 13 y.o would think it's unfair.

You could either move 3 y.o's wardrobe and anything else (desk for school etc) into the office and get a higher level bed so the whole floor of the bedroom is completely clear for playing, or keep 1 room for bed and wardrobe and the 'office' just for playing. How much space does a 3 year old need to play anyway, if there is also a specific playroom (and, I'm guessing with a 6 bed house, large garden).

You say you want the 3y/o to "have room for toys and to play in her room too, the same as her siblings do" but when your dd was 3 (and 4 and 5 and 6, all the way up to 11), she didn't have a room to play in and spread all her stuff out on her own, because she shared it.
3 y.o's room may be small but if 13 y.o (and the others) only technically had half of a room while she/they were younger then surely it works out roughly the same in floor size?
3 y/o is disadvantaged in one way because she has a smaller room but is advantaged in another because she's never had to share. Sounds like it works out fairly overall.

I'd possibly have it with the caveat that if DD goes to uni they will swap rooms and 3 y/o (or one of the boys) has the room with ensuite then, but otherwise it seems easier, cheaper and fairer to just keep the status quo.

In 2021 ONS had 55% of 20 year olds living with their parents.
More adults living with their parents - Office for National Statistics
In 2023 59% of 20 year old males and 55% of females were living with their parents,
Young adults living with parents UK by age and gender 2023 | Statista

Those stats have gone up by about 5% in the last 10 years, (an increase again from the 10 years before that) so if the trend continues (and with current state of housing it almost definitely will) it will be higher again in another 7 years.

so it's pretty likely, in fact much more likely than not

So one teenage girl gets to keep the floor they have to themselves with their room and bathroom but the other teenage girl has to lose her bathroom? I think if you do this you will breed a lot of resentment. Why can’t the rooms with en suite be rooms the younger ones graduate too as they get older and the teenagers have left home?

And if she had come on here saying she was going to take her step daughter room away and give her a box room because she isn't there all the time she'd have been (rightfully) vilified.

She isn't taking the DD room away, making her sleep in the living room on a camp bed, putting her in a box room or anything like that. She is simply renovating their new house (including the family bathrooms) to better suit the family rheu have.
Having 3 children in normal rooms or box room and having 1 dd have both a bigger room and an ensuite is unreasonable and not a good use of space. A safe and secure sleeping space is a requirement, a private bathroom is not.

Tbh I'm suprised the ensuite wasn't given to the oldest child in the first place.

Not when the house has six bathrooms!

If it’s not a big deal to get rid of the en-suite that DD has, then swop over the rooms with DSD, given DD attic room, I’d especially recommend that if DSD doesn’t live there full time.

No other children have an en-suite so it’s not unfair that she wouldn’t, if anything it could be seen unfair that she does.

Exactly @thatsfunnybecause . I really don't understand the fuss most posters are making over this. All the children should have decent sized rooms. That's the priority. You have plenty of options for the teen to have privacy using a bathroom. It doesn't have to be part of her room.

I think I’d be inclined to keep the en-suite for now. It probably adds value to your home. In the long-term, an en-suite may useful to give a bit more privacy to an adult child. Or eventually as a guest room. When you have teenagers and young adults, an extra bathroom could be helpful.

The 3 year old should be OK in a box room for a while, especially with space saving furniture, like a platform bed, which you could use for storage now, with the mattress on a low base on wheels. And lots of wall shelving.

The study may be helpful too. For airing laundry in winter. Extra storage. And for teenagers to study in a different environment.

I think what you are planning is fine. But as an alternative, is either of the middle ds rooms next to the box room or office? Could you make one of those rooms bigger by combining the box room and have the 5yo and 9yo share 1 bigger room? Wouldn't be my preference, but if they get on then a shared bigger room with bunk beds or raised beds with desks etc under would give them more floor space in the room.
Or same but have the 5yo and 3yo share.

Please don't make a plan that has you waiting impatiently for your SD to move out, you are right, that would suck to go to uni and immediately lose her space.

I've got 2 teenage daughters, 16 and 17, and we live in a flat with just one bathroom - not even a separate second loo anywhere! Knowing how much time my daughters spend in the bathroom, I would let your DD keep her en suite, otherwise one of the family bathrooms will be taken up for hours for the-longest-showers-in-the-world, or for lengthy skincare routines! Honestly, that added to the upset the change will likely cause to your DD and to your relationship with her, I would just leave things as they are and have a rethink. Perhaps ask all the kids if they can come up with a plan which works for everyone?

The house doesn't have 6 bathrooms;

I called them all bathrooms but realise I used the term bathroom incorrectly.
2 family bathrooms (up and down) - both a bit rubbish and only have showers though
2 en-suites
2 loos (downstairs and attic)

Yeah absolutely no way would I take it away when you have another girl in the house who isn't actually biologically related to her who keeps a room on a separate floor, access to her own sink and toilet a higher level of privacy overall and access to another home. While you then reduce her space and privacy for the younger kids with only a 2 year age gap and in the teen years.

If you are insisting on it so it's "fair" they all have decent size rooms and access to space your argument fails because her teen step sister gets a higher level of privacy when they are both teens.

I agree too.

What’s her bedroom like? I’d offer a makeover to soften the blow, but ultimately YANBU. She does not need a big bedroom and ensuite.

If she needs an ensuite what will happen when she goes to uni or moves out and possibly can’t have an ensuite due to availability or affordability.

saraclara
You have plenty of options for the teen to have privacy using a bathroom

Not plenty of options for privacy - only one upstairs bathroom/shower that isn't in her parent's bedroom - the third bathroom/shower is on the ground floor.

First of all dk all kids live with you full time? If not then can you not have a move about giving child who is there less the smaller room? Otherwise do as you see fit just be prepared for mo the of tantrums and being told you love her less.

Step daughter lives here, it is just as much her home as my bio dc’s.
The attic is smaller or at least weirder shaped and only has toilet+sink opposite. DSD wanted it because it was cooler and more grown up being away from us.
DD didn’t and doesn’t want it and thinks it’s scary, doesnt even like going up unless DSD comes and gets her so the room situation between them is not a problem.

Leave the en-suite

make office into girl playroom for toddler and the boys have the Downstairs playroom as their male space for toys

i lived in the box room for 15/16yrs with bed. Wardrobe. Small drawers

toddler dd can always get a half cabin bed so in air and play under it - plus the office as toy room

boys don’t really need an en-suite but can share the bathroom one downstairs

other bathroom for toddler to use and step daughter

did you say 7 bedrooms

step daughter
13 en suite
son 1
son 2
toddler
parents

so leaving one more bedroom? Can toddler not go in there - or is that the spare

how often does spare get used