DH refusing to help out

[KeenPeachExpert]

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

It’s not great to be dependent on someone else to get about. How far are you from town? Could you buy a bike, e-bike or moped? Could you learn to drive? Could you afford to take occasional cabs?

If there’s absolutely no way of making yourself more independent, I’d be looking to move closer to a town.

I still think your DH is a CF, though. He knows you’re stuck for now. And if you do the bulk of the housework, he’s not being fair. So, I’d start by leaving him to do his own laundry and boycotting any cleaning up after him.

Nothing is more irritating than ferrying around someone who can’t drive and expects lifts constantly. Learn to drive for both of your sanity.

So he's wrong to not do it at his own convenience & give Op plenty of chances?

Even asking after she sulked?

Plenty of options for you : get your drivers license, move house, divorce the twat and move to the city but you choose to throw tantrums and complain on MN😂

'he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no'

Why are people calling the man a 'twat' and 'deadbeat' for this?

You said no two weekends in a row then had a paddy when he wouldn’t take you on the third weekend? Are you six?

I have answered this in my post already. In my view yes he is yes. I gave my view and opinion and how it would have worked differently in my marriage which is what the OP asked. You are of course free to disagree. Different people and different marriages. OP must consider the opinions that feel right for her and her marriage.

The op is an adult...her husband shouldn't have to try and convince her out of a sulk when she is basically cutting her nose off to spite her face.

He offered on two separate occasions to take her...she refused. Why should he then jump when she then decides she's out of her strop and realised she is out of time to pick up the item?

This is on the op.

That may be true for you but it’s not a universal truth. As I explained before this is my opinion on what would happen in my marriage. That’s all I can offer. My perspective , you don’t have to agree.
I wouldn’t however not have a driving license as it would ma make em feel trapped. But again different people different lives different opinions.

Time to get some driving lessons!!!!

I have to say I’m kind of on the side of your DH in regard to collecting the parcel. He asked you twice if you wanted to go - you had moaned at him about moaning to take you so he did what you wanted on 2 occasions and you said no because you were in a mood with him because he had moaned about it ( so he was doing what you wanted ? ) then you are moaning because he wouldnt take you on the third time - if I had offered twice and been told no I wouldn’t jump then to do it when it suited you . It’s not his fault you had to get a lift , he had offered before , it’s your own fault. It honestly seems like you caused this for no reason.

It is going to be annoying to have to drive around all weekend . He should be taking you for shopping etc and places that you really can’t get to , but you can’t expect him to do it all the time because you never learnt to drive.

couldn’t you have got the parcel delivered instead ?

Maybe moving to a remote area when you don’t drive was a bit of a mistake ?

Learn to drive. Insane not to - unless you have a health issue that prevents it - if you live in an isolated place. Also, do shopping online and have it delivered.
Your DH is a bit of a twat, but he does have a point.

Htf have you extrapolated to dv here? That’s a reach and a half.

the dh offered twice to drive her. She refused out of spite trying to get back at him because he’s not happy spending all his weekends driving her around.

so when she did decide she wanted to go, because she’d left it til the last minute, it wasn’t convenient for him for whatever reason. Fair enough.

if you don’t drive you have to accept lifts are at the convenience of the person who does drive. You can’t expect them to ditch their plans.

he’s not “teaching her a lesson”. If anything this has all escalated because she was trying to teach the lesson refusing to accept the lift offered twice. Backfired on her though.

I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

Why don't you drive?

Learn to drive 👍🏼
it would drive me mad chauffeuring my husband around everywhere if he couldn’t drive!

You can't have a little tantrum, refuse his help for 2 weeks then make demands when your actions have consequences, OP.

Learn to drive. I would be fucking annoyed having to give lifts to an able bodied adult who is simply can't be arsed t learn to drive.

You threw a strop 2 weekends in a row and now you’re pissed off he isn’t indulging your shitty behaviour anymore?

learn to drive.

Agree with what the vast majority of posters are saying. You also shouldn't be arranging what sounds like a click and collect order when you can't drive - you should arrange delivery and suck up the cost

Sorry OP you need to learn to drive

Ridiculous behaviour.

If it's possible to drive, you need to learn. If not, you need to live somewhere that public transport is reasonably accessible. Get a taxi if nothing else.

He offered to drive you two weeks in a row and you refused in a huff. Why on earth should he pander to your whims in this way?

Can’t believe all the people saying it’s equally his fault - he offered to take you not once, but twice, and because you were sulking you turned him down. Then expected him to drop everything and taxi you at your convenience once you’d decided you’d done enough flouncing.

I’d have refused to take you too. It’s a PITA ferrying people around, let alone when they insist on dictating exactly when they’re prepared to be driven.

This is all on you, OP. Including being unable to drive. Unless you have a disability or other good reason not to learn, why wouldn’t you? Especially when you live somewhere so inaccessible.

He offered to take you twice, you turned him down. YABU.

I’d learn to drive. 🤷‍♀️

Unless there is a medical reason like epilepsy that prevents you, then either learn to drive or use public transport. It may take longer and be less regular but there are very few places not serviced by a bus once every couple of hours

You had a row and then you acted like a petulant child when your DH suggested going to get it.

This is entirely on you not your DH.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around.

Completely reasonable. Listen and learn if you want your marriage to survive.