DH refusing to help out

[KeenPeachExpert]

We live in quite an isolated area with very limited public transport. I don’t drive and am very dependent on DH on the weekends to get anywhere.

A few weeks ago, DH had a moan at me about having to spend his weekend driving us around. I admit, I became upset and we had a full blown argument.

The following weekend, I had to pick up something from town. DH asked me we were going to town to pick it up. I was still upset by his attitude and I told him I didn’t want to go.

He asked again the following weekend and I told him I didn’t want to go.

The following weekend the shop told me to pick it up or they’d return the item. I asked DH if he could take me and he refused. He said he asked me three times over the previous two weekends and I had said no, so he was t prepared to take me.

i ended up having to take a lift from a friend but I cannot keep doing this.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take me? If it matters, we both work and I do the bulk of the housework.

Just curious, why next year? Why not now? Seems a bit daft if you’re both desperate for him to drive to be putting it off for 12 months!

No, your DH is playing the "I'll teach her a lesson!" card. Also, you can never know which way a male partner will jump.

Too many women have collected bruises to prove it.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable - and I do think that he was wrong to not take you. But I do also think you need to learn to drive (unless there is a reason you can’t) to be more independent. Couldn’t imagine myself without driving.

you caused the problem yourself. He asked 2 weeks in a row. Very childish behaviour

That's the crux really isn't it?

If Op not driving usually works for them then that's up to them.

It does sound as if he's had enough though.

I agree with a lot of previous posters, you need to learn how to drive. If that's not an option, you need to live somewhere with good public transport. It's silly requiring 2 adults to do such mundane things.

Why should he take her when he has already offered to do so but Op refused-three(?) times?

@diddl because for me it’s wrong. My husband would have never done it to me - even if I had sulked before. He would abbé tried to convince me to go. And vice versa.

Yes I’m intrigued to know why you don’t drive. If there’s a valid reason and he knew this from the start then yes, it’s a part of the deal he agreed to. But if you lead him to believe that at some point you’d learn to drive but haven’t then I can see where he’s coming from. I would hate to have to chauffeur someone around who is perfectly capable of learning. It’s a basic life skill. If there’s a reason why you will never be able to drive, does it make sense to live so rurally?. Can you move to an area with better public transport. As for your argument, you both need to sort out the driving situation one way or another and agree to stick to the agreement. Sulking and being petty doesn't solve anything.

How is he refusing to help out, he offered to take you two weekends ?

Don't write a story to make your dh look bad , when it's you that's in the wrong, on this occasion

1/ Why didn't you take the bus/walk/bike it to town?
2/ If the bus doesn't run at the weekend, why didn't you go during the week?
3/ If there is no bus at any point, why didn't you have said item delivered to you directly and not to the shop?

This thread has not gone well for the OP, as expected. It does come across as quite the FAFO scenario, I'm afraid.

OP, I think you need to re-assess your life's choices. If you 'can't' drive because you're not allowed to drive for medical reasons, then you need to live somewhere you can get yourself around via public transport, cycling, walking, etc. If you've chosen not to drive or just don't want to, then you have behaved badly here and need to apologise to your husband. He's not wrong here. Again, you may need to re-evaluate where you're living as being so rural/isolated clearly isn't working for you.

You live in an isolated area, and you don’t drive. You need to sort one or both of those op. You are not coming across well here. Your DH is not a taxi service, and will be getting very fed up with getting treated as one (been there). He offered twice to take you to town and you were sulking so said no. Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face! Grow up (and learn to drive) - your relationship will thank you.

You are the unreasonable one.

As a driver, I don't particularly enjoy ferrying people around daily, but I do it as my kids are too young to drive. But even as a parent, there are times when I really dont want to do it and would rather say no (but I do as its my responsibility as a parent) so I sympathise with your husband's attitude

You are an adult, you need to take responsibility and come up with other ways of getting around ,other than always relying on your husband

The housework thing is a different issue and conversation all together.

I was almost with you until I read that he’d been happy to take you on two other occasions and you pettily said no. You can’t complain now he does the same to you.

you need to sort out either the living or driving situation

Horrible feeling this might be a reverse

Well if so, he's got backing.

You moved to an isolated area but don’t drive. That’s idiotic at best.
Your DH offered to take you TWICE to get something but because you were having a little tantrum and spat your dummy out you didn’t go. That’s equally as idiotic.

Seems like a situation of your own making.

He asked you and you said no. Wtf?

If you live somewhere remote, you NEED to drive. You NEED to be independent. Whether that means learning to drive, getting a bike, phoning a taxi, whatever.

Of course you need to sort things out about how balanced things are at home. He needs to pull his weight.

But you cannot keep relying on him as the only driver. Why would you even want to? What would you do if you split up with him?

I don't understand why so many people (mostly women I'm sad to say) allow themselves to rely so heavily on their partners.

I'm expecting the important drip feed where OP tells us she's blind or doesn't come back at all.

It doesn’t sound like he’s refusing to help out at all.

He offered to take you two weekends on the run and you petulantly said no. Then when you decided you wanted to go on your terms, he said no. You sound as bad as each other.

Learn to drive.

And buy a car.

Dp doesn't drive so if he needs to go somewhere I have to take him / the kids. I don't blame him for it but it can be quite draining especially when you're not up for it. I think the issue here is that he was having a whinge and instead of saying we can next weekend if that's better, or I understand how you're feeling for example, (and he probably would have taken you anyway) you've got upset and defensive about it. We're all allowed off days and sometimes I just don't want to go out, sometimes I just want a bit of appreciation for the amount of hassle ferrying someone around can be. I don't think you're being fair to him tbh, especially as he's offered two weekends in a row now and you effectively sulked about it and didn't go. It's teamwork at the end of the day and understanding eachother goes a long way.

It's really tedious being the chauffeur. Why don't you drive?

Learn to drive..problem solved.

Why don't you take some driving lessons and then you can pass your test get your own car and independence?