To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

this may be entirely wrong and offensive, but if your son has high care needs, things like this party may be bigger than typical deal to your daughter and may hit harder that your son (unknowingly) embarrassed her at it. If that’s the case, I’d probably do what I could to maintain the friendship for her, including paying that to smooth things over (if it’s affordable to you). And maybe offer a little nice thing that you’ll take your daughter and birthday girl to.

the cake ruining is unfortunate but just one of those things that happen when you have kids around of varied age anyway. I think the parents at the party should have minimised the cost by saying ok we’ll all get ice cream rather than choose whatever you want. But your kids birthday when they’re little can be intense so if there was upset at the end I can see they might want to make things better again with a treat. As the host I would take the view it was just one of those things and refuse offer of paying for costs (although I appreciate I’m fortunate to be able to afford that) and be happy with the parent saying ah I’m so sorry.

was the whole cake destroyed OP?

I imagine they almost certainly weren’t clean, nope! But, I didn’t suggest having to eat the cake would be reasonable either

He didn’t only destroy a cake though - he ruined a birthday cake, in the middle of the birthday party. That is NOT the same value as one of many cakes in a supermarket at another time. It’s a precious moment ruined and that moment had to be rescued, at a cost of £110. I can’t believe you wouldn’t pay the full cost. Incredulous really, I’d have offered to go and get another cake at the time and bring one back for the party.

I’m sorry OP, I think you’re right that you should pay for the replacement desserts but the mum really should only have offered a cheaper thing. £12 per child’s pudding seems ridiculous. That wasn’t fair at all.

She shouldnt have allowed the children to choose the most expensive desserts on the menu - but your child ruined the party and you should pay for the alternative desserts she had to buy.

The carer was not doing their job properly by taking your child into the party and letting go of their hand.

Yes, of course, you've got a room full of upset children including your own, you're probably a bit flustered by having your party derailed by a random child that wasn't even invited, you have to think on your feet to find a solution and then on top you're expected to start policing dessert choices so as not to offend the person who caused the whole situation?

Don't be so silly. OP, of course you just pay, and apologise and probably add a bunch of flowers in there somewhere too. I can't believe you're even asking the question to be honest!

It was unfortunate and no one's fault but at the end of the day the cake wasn't fit for purpose and the children were expecting the usual sweet dessert after a party. Not sure what else the other mum could have done - your child put her in an awkward position and you said you would stand the cost which I think was fair. Had I been her I think I might have let the children be less choosey with the desserts to mitigate your costs but she was probably miffed that the party had gone tit's up. Feel sorry for her daughter and yours to be honest mortifying both.

If it were me, I would be paying the full bill and also sending a card to say sorry. What happened was unfortunate but the situation means that the other mum is now out of pocket. You paying her for the cake is not solving the issue as the lack of cake created a more costly situation and she shouldn’t be the one beating the cost.

The carer presumably handed over and left immediately.
I think you did the right thing OP.

I wouldn't have asked for the full amount but having been asked for it you had to pay it.

But next time nip to the loo before hand and be prepared for the handover. (Speaking as a mum of 3, 2 with SEN and been through the trenches)

OP what a horrible experience for everyone. I am
sorry this happened.

for what it’s worth I think you did the right thing. I also think the mother should have bought the girls the cheapest alternative rather than let them pick. They wouldn’t have got a choice if they had been served the cake. But she was probably stressed too and it’s easy to think these things though afterwards.

Given the carer had caused the problem by letting go of your dc hand they should have looked after your child unto you got back.

I do have empathy for her - I've said several times it's a shit situation for everyone.

But the fact remains that the party mum was left with a destroyed cake, an upset child and a roomful of children wanting dessert - all through no fault of her own. She had no choice but to quickly find replacement desserts for everyone at a soft play - it's not like she could just pop to the shop for another cake or grab ice-cream from the freezer.

It's shit for OP but it's also shit for the birthday child who was left with nothing. I feel awful for OP but that doesn't mean she shouldn't cover the costs of her son's actions.

Pop to Tesco - sounds like you didn’t read about OP’s son’s needs.

Well that’s a birthday everyone will remember for a while!
You should just pay up OP.

I agree.

I would also be reprimanding the carer for letting go of your child so that he ran amok.

I think you need to cover it, she had to pay for desserts at short notice.

Exactly this.

I think she was wrong to have let the kids have anything they want. I would wonder if she were punishing you or if it was thoughtless.

Your son ruined the cake. The party host had to find last minute replacements. I can't believe that some posters think you should only pay for the cake or they should have chosen the cheapest possible desserts.

It wouldn't occur to me to do anything other than pay up.

You are so out of order. Your child ruined a kids birthday cake and you think they should order just the cheapest thing in the menu so you’re not inconvenienced as much? There is zero question you should pay the whole thing and even doing that, your kid still ruined someone’s birthday by making people cry. The other mum did absolutely nothing wrong. Shocked you would even think about quibbling about this.

I don’t think party mum would have spent that much on ice cream if she hadn’t been planning to get OP to cover it.

This.

Agree. If I was at a party with a fellow parent who was struggling for some reason, my instinct would be to help and make it ok for everyone not to put the boot into the struggling parent. Most of my DS's friends' parents are similar. Had this happened at any party we were at, the other parents (not host mum or the OP) would have sorted the situation themselves, whether by buying desserts for their own children or sorting a replacement cake or just telling our kids there would be no cake this time and consoling birthday girl. Because we're helpful and sensible adults and it would be evident that the OP was struggling.

Letting them order the more expensive items was for payback.