To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Horrible experience for all and you must’ve been so upset OP.

i think the issue is around you offering to pay- what’s the point in paying the replacement cost of the cake? The cake wasn’t needed, party deserts were needed and so she got them. I think you should repay

Well what would you have liked to have happened then?

Your Son ruined a birthday party. Its reasonable you pay. Sorry but I bet you will not make the same mistake again.

You weren't on your own though, the carer was there?
As it is, you left the host in a really awkward situation - the cake was destroyed, she had an upset child and a roomful of children to buy dessert for, and in her eyes, you just left. She will have been stressed, upset, panicked - and will have just done thequickest, easiest thing to solve the problem.
None of this is her fault.

Once again, the carers time was up. Hence him meeting me there. So yes, I was on my own. Carers don’t work free overtime! The shift is done and that’s that. Hand over happens

She wouldn't have had to spend anything on ice-cream if OP's son hadn't destroyed the cake, though

She was left with a roomful of children, a destroyed cake and an upset birthday child - she probably just did the easiest thing possible, which was to buy everyone what they wanted to calm the situation down as fast as she could.

Yes but the original suggestion was to dock it directly from their wage, not claim against a self-employed carer’s PLI. I’d be interested to know if carers would expect to pay compensation in these circumstances. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to expect the carer to pay, but it depends on the set up I suppose.

I think you have done the right thing

Sounds like in the stress of the situation, what you meant was a bit lost in translation.

You meant you would reimburse the cake

Party mum thought you meant reimburse the cost of desert.

She was probably trying to salvage her daughter's birthday party and didn't really think that in reality, it was excessive to buy each child an individual desert of their choice...she was probably just trying to quickly smooth the situation over.

Agree.

@AmusedGoose I’m sure the OP didn’t do it on purpose, and her family life sounds really challenging.

Then I don't think you can complain at having to pay for the cost of all the replacement desserts.

It's shit, I get it, but it shouldn't be for the birthday girl's mum to foot the bill.

What mistake did she make?

Sorry to hear this happened, it sounds stressful for everyone. Just one of those things. Agree best to pay if you can afford it but I think the mum a tiny bit dickish to go to town with premium desserts for everyone.

I’m going to go against the grain here say the parents of the bday girl were unreasonable. It was unfortunate this happened but it didn’t ruin the party- kids breaking a limb falling off the play equipment is a disaster, a bit of cake isn’t . And this is why many kids are not resilient and suffering with mental health and anxiety issues when older. This build up to picture perfect Disney moments is ruining life experiences where we are all stressed out to create the perfect curated memory.

I think paying was the right thing to do OP.

Your poor DD. Id be mortified for her. Nobody’s going to forget that for a while.

Incredibly misguided of the party mum to allow this solution to happen. Mean of her to then charge you. Sounds like she made a stupid decision and got a shock, am sure not intentional on her part, but you are now footing the bill — all as a result of a small kid doing something silly. Small children do stupid things, adults should know better. I place zero blame with op. Adults must always be adults. Christ, a hyper kid once ruined my brand new £££££££ sofa by knocking an adults hand and causing a drink to saturate it. I did not even allow the other mum to pay for the cleaning. It was an accident.

Sorry what? What mistake are you referring to exactly?
You sound an absolute delight...

Nothing like Mumsnet to remind parents of disabled children just where they stand. OP my severely autistic ds would do the same. We can't let go of his hand without some kind of catastrophe happening in the blink of an eye, he's fast, he's strong, and he doesn't have the capacity to understand his actions. He can't talk and doesn't react to his name FFS. I also can't leave the house with both my DC at once. Pay the bill to make the issue go away (she is cheeky to ask for payment for the desserts though, if you didn't agree beforehand you're not obligated). Ask the carer to next time please wait outside but don't berate them too much, accidents happen and a good carer is like goldust, we've still not found one. All the comments with the blame insinuated in the tone, it was an accident, the child didn't deliberately target the cake to ruin a party, he wasn't there to join in the party uninvited, presumably that's why he was out on respite at the time so OP could accompany her DD, calm down and have some compassion, life is beyond difficult with a disabled child without the vitriol from those who haven't experienced it. It's a lonely, exhausting path few understand.

I think you sound really cheeky just wanting to pay for the cake and expecting someone else to rush off and replace it. They weren't in a supermarket, they were at softplay with children expecting cake then and there.

10 desserts at soft play can easily add up, it doesn't sound like they took the piss.

You said you'd cover the cost of cake for 10 and that's what they bought. Expecting them to take the cheapest ice cream substitute would be really lame after you already caused lots of upset.

I think I would look at the cost of a cheap and reasonable dessert on the menu )I.e. chocolate or vanilla flavour ice cream), and only pay the amount of that for the number of children present, with 50% extra to accommodate for the value of the ruined experience.

So if 10 chocolate ice creams costs £50, then that x1.5=£75. And plead poverty that money is tight and explain that when you offered you were offering to pay the value of the cake - but understand she had to get desserts in but the kids would have been fine with basic ice cream.

I’d be asking for the carer to pay a contribution. If you hadn’t handed over yet and he let go off his hands then he is partly responsible for the damage. But yes you need to pay and I’m glad you are.

This is an extremely good point!

Yes it was an accident, no ones saying the DS did it maliciously. It's still OPS responsibility to cover the cost of replacing it.

Of course you should pay it. The cake at the lower price in the shop was not at that point available to her. She got them the desserts that were available. They were £110. She is not trying to make a profit. She couldn't have started with some kids cake some kids ice-cream. It was already a major downer on the party.

It sucks, I get that. But it was your child and therefore your costs.

It is utterly irrelevant to be judgy about the mother of the birthday girl.

you don’t spoil the pinnacle of a party then dictate terms!

I think you would have been awful to just pay for the cake.

I doubt the other mum expected to pay over 100 quid extra after already paying for soft play and make up etc just because your son destroyed the birthday girl's cake.

Have some humility, still apologize profusely and pay what's owed.