To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

1. In all the kids parties mine went to including their own, I’ve never seen a cake served as pudding, only taken away, cut and wrapped to go in party bags. Was she really serving the cake as pudding? Were the children starving for this pudding? Probably not.
2. The carer was at fault, are they from an agency who could be billed?
3. The mum should have clarified desserts would be purchased and capped/agreed the spend with you.
4. You or carer should have had the option to replace at a supermarket.

You pay for the cake. She didn’t have to buy ice creams for all of them. They’d already eaten party food, presumably. Ice creams wouldn’t replace the cake/candle-blowing experience.

I bet she wouldn’t have offered the kids more expensive pudding options if she’d expected to be paying for it herself. If it were my party and I’d been getting individual ice creams, I’d have offered different flavours of the ice cream, not given them free rein over the whole menu. I think most people would do the same.

You offered to pay for the damaged cake. You did not agree to an unlimited cost for luxury ice creams.

You weren't on your own though, the carer was there?

As it is, you left the host in a really awkward situation - the cake was destroyed, she had an upset child and a roomful of children to buy dessert for, and in her eyes, you just left. She will have been stressed, upset, panicked - and will have just done the quickest, easiest thing to solve the problem.

None of this is her fault.

Sadly I think those saying 'just replace the cake' ABU.

You have to put her in the position she would have been in, had she been able to serve the dessert she bought. You can argue all you like about other parents lacking the initiative to go to another shop for a replacement that cost a similar amount, but for whatever reason, they didn't. Soft play places are often in 'light industrial' areas, where shops selling something suitable may not be so readily available, or are in areas you've travelled to and aren't so familiar with.

^ this! My god - it’s okay to let kids cry over spoiled cake and not have to be plied with ice cream to get over it!

You should be paying for the item that was damaged - just the cake.

The decision to buy pudding instead was completely separate and done without your knowledge, so the hostess who made that decision should pay for that.

A lot of parties have pudding included if the parent has chosen to pay for that package. Then the cake is cut and sent home in party bags. She’s taking the mick.

Yep pay Cake might have been cheaper but the replacement desserts were costly. Handover should have taken place in the car park as planned.

This!

Gah this is so hard. It's really hard for you as your ds did it, but given his send needs that's understandable and I really think there's no blame on you. These things happen.

However, you did offer, and I imagine the mum felt awful for her child, and just wanted to make good.

If I was in her place, I'd ask for a part contribution or brush it off. But you offered and so maybe pay £100 if you can afford it?

My heart really goes out to you. This is exactly the kind of thing my disabled DD would do - except she tends to lash out at people 😓

When I have done soft play parties and food was provided in the deal, you got pudding in that and then the cake was extra food on top

The birthday girl lost her cake and the mum couldn’t really serve cake that another child had dug their hands into. Letting all the children have a dessert was the easiest option to try and salvage the situation as best she could. It was an accident but personally I would just pay the bill and forget about it.

Because her child destroyed the cake? Why should the birthday child and all her guests go without because of her DS's actions?

What a tough situation. I think the mum was unreasonable letting them choose their own but maybe she wasn’t thinking straight? That’s a huge cost between 9! I believe I would have either - picked two cheap desserts from the menu (say standard ice cream or brownie) and said the kids could pick from either of those. That would have probably been £50 max. Or, nearly everywhere is within 10 mins of a tesco express or similar, I think I would have asked another parent if they would mind popping out and picking up a big supermarket birthday cake instead. It wouldn’t have taken long and unless it was the middle of nowhere, I’m sure it was possible.
With the situation of £110 bill, I would have at least said to you, look this is the situation but it’s a lot and it was a mistake so are you ok if we split it?
Sorry you’ve had that happen x

I agree with everything you've said here.

If I were the birthday mum I would have either ordered each of the kids the cheapest dessert to keep costs down, or I would have asked you for a contribution rather than expecting you to pay it all.

But that's not what she did, and given that your son caused the damage and you had an obligation to put it right, you're not really in a position to argue.

The cake was destroyed. He dug his bloody hands into it and who knows if they were clean?

Im sure the mum would have felt mortified serving scraps to the kids in front of all the parents.

This.

It seems the OP (and PP's) seem to think that the mum and the birthday girl should have either had to have what scraps remain of a cake her DS ruined or have the cheapest option on the menu.

Ultimately, OP, your DS ruined their cake. He caused upset at the birthday party, and that's not his fault and it's an accident-but you're still responsible for putting it right fairly. And not just expecting them to accept scraps and a lesser time because of it.

That’s what pli is there for

the carer wouldn't pay out of their pocket

their insurance covers it

Sorry, you absolutely need to pay. She did what she could in the circumstances, caused by your child and you need to cover the cost.

I do think it's shit for everyone though, sorry OP.

How damaged was the cake? Or rather how much was left that could still be served? Obviously she couldn’t replace the cake there and then but was it necessary to provide ice creams.

Difficult situation all round, disappointing for the birthday girl and difficult for your DD but the cake is not the whole party. I would not have sent you a bill for the ice cream myself.

How so? I had both kids with me and carers time was up, hence him popping in there to find me

Its not just the cake though is it ?
Its the whole 'experience' for kids of gathering around the birthday child ,seeing the candles alight ,singing happy birthday and the anticipation of a lovely slice of cake.
If all of that was taken away then i can see why the mom perhaps paid out more for extra nice deserts.
I'm sure everyone knows a child with special needs is not responsible but extra unplanned for money was spent to make amends for a little girls potentially spoiled birthday.
If this were my child i would have been absolutely furious but i would not have let the mother know how much so ,i would have imagined how mortified she was feeling ,however i would have expected her to recompense for the damage and if my child was the one who did the damage i would pay that bill in full without question.

Was it really £11 per child for a gross softplay pudding?

This is crazy. Any parents or kids who treat a kid like this are not worth hanging around with anyway.

So over £12 per person? What desserts were they ordering that cost more than £12?!

Whilst it’s a very unfortunate situation, I strongly feel you need to suck this up. Your DS’s actions caused great upset to the birthday girl, which naturally pissed the mother off. I would have been fuming too. So it’s not just about the cost of the cake - the birthday child was upset, the Mum upset and inconvenienced, and she had to buy alternative desserts from the venue so was obviously out of pocket for that.

On every level, you have to take responsibility for what happened. Your DS was not invited to the party and shouldn’t have been in the venue. Unfortunate that you went to the toilet but nevertheless that’s your problem.

You quite rightly offered to pay and to then quibble over the bill will look really shitty.

The gracious and correct thing to do is to pay the bill and apologise again. That lets you draw a line under the matter. Anything less will cause resentment with the Mum and is likely to impact on your DD’s friendship with the birthday girl. Your poor DD was already very upset at the whole scenario so please don’t expose her to any further unpleasantness.

Oh come on. The OP has a child who needs respite care, and who needs to have his hand held all the time. Who was more stressed, OP or the party mum with no cake? Should OP really have stayed with her son and tried to organise replacement cakes? Have some sense and some empathy.