To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Lol, really? I did offer to pay! I didn’t stay and order or replace it there and then because I had my son with me.

I can’t care for both my son and DD in a public space anymore, for reasons of safety. But I guess you have no experience of literally having no option to take both children out the house at once in a public space like a party venue or shop

It's expensive but soft plays are expensive, and the mum was left with no choice. She was probably stressed, upset and wanted to calm her child down as quickly as possible.

It's not her fault, she shouldn't get the blame.

I did say unless I was minted in which case I’d cough up to make it all go away. I’m not minted and can’t give what I haven’t got.

No one is unreasonable here: not OP, her son, the carer, the other mum or the birthday child. It is just one of those things and I have sympathy for everyone here. I can empathise directly with the OP because of my own experience and my older child can definitely relate to the OP’s older child- she’s been mortified and upset by her younger brother’s behaviour plenty of times.

Of course you should pay, and it’s not just about the cost of the cake it’s the experience that was spoilt not only for the birthday girl but for all of them, they were supposed to be having some nice cake and because of your/your child’s mistake you think they should all have just been allocated the cheapest menu item instead? Nope.

But if the party was coming to an end and the children had had party food, isn’t the cake just taken away?

OP said that the party was “running over”, so the cake wasn’t an integral part of the festivities. It wasn’t tea and cake… it was “princess” activities with food served at the end of which cake was a small part.

Other parents were there and I am surprised they went along with expensive desserts too.

I think it was clear that OP was going to pay the cost of the cake ( max £25 for a supermarket cake) and I’d probably have bought the birthday girl a small token toy in addition for eg a tenner.

However it depends whether you want to be gossiped about in the playground. I’d probably just pay it myself.

Of course you should pay it! Your kid destroyed the birthday cake so party mum had to buy alternatives from the venue which unfortunately for you wasn’t cheap. Poor birthday girl crying, hope it didn’t ruin her day!

It's a tough one but I can see both sides. The host was left with a room full of kids expecting cake and a crying birthday child who felt her party had been ruined. She improvised by buying ice-cream for everyone to get the party back on track.That's not unreasonable, and although it is a big unexpected bill for you, it would be a big unexpected bill for her if she hadn't passed it on, so it would suck for one of you either way.

I think you need to suck it up as that was the cost of making right the situation. I think the learning I'd to either be very specific about what you are offering to pay for or stay and help/supervise the solution (eg. Offer to run to the shop for more cake, or see if the cafe were willing to sell you a full cake if they had any uncut, or buy individual, cheapest option ice-cream yourself)

Yes, you need to pay her in full Op because word will go around, firstly because it upset the birthday girl, then because you promised to pay. If you don't your poor DD will find herself with no more party invites and none of it was her fault

I think I'd do the same and just pay it and put it behind me op, but I'd think she was very cheeky indeed.

Actually, although I wouldn't seek to pass any cost on to them, I'd be really pissed off with your carer - this is their fault.

You offered to pay so you have to stick with that, although surely your Ds carer needs to help out with the cost because it was ultimately their fault ?

i don’t think you should pay. I think you should reply: sorry I think there’s been a misunderstanding, I meant I would pay for the cost of the cake. Please let me know how much to give.

Really she didn’t need to buy them all ice creams and desserts. Surely the kids and parents could have a bit of empathy and understand why they weren’t having the cake. There’s always so much sugar and junk food at parties anyway I bet the kids wouldn’t have cared at all.

I'd pay it.

Our nearest soft play is in the middle of a trading estate. It’s a ten min drive each way to the nearest Tesco. We serve cake at the end of a party so the party slot would have been over by the time the cake came back.

Surely you only compensate for either the cake OR the desserts? As the host the cost of providing a pudding fell to her. So you only pay for the one?

Unless she is also of the belief that you should be compensating her. But even then, I don’t think you should pay for the choice she made.

This is all theoretical. I’d probably pay it and never think a pleasant thought about her again.

In her position, I would have served the cake that could be salvaged and been at pains to tell you not to worry.

OP could have offered to pop into tesco.

Tricky. The carer shouldn’t have brought into soft play /party area. Should have stayed in car /car park and called you

who on Earth takes a sn child into a noisy crazy over stimulated area for a hand over

but

you said you would cover the cost. Your child ruined the birthdays child end of party and cake and birthday child left crying and upset

plus your dd upset and sure when she sees other girl at activity it will be spoken about again

so yes you needed to cover the cost of replacement puddings and prob £5/8 each so kids depending I can see how over £100 was spent
soft plays usually have cakes /doughnuts for £3/4

so what of puddings did the list show ?

i Hope all kids ate their puddings at that cost

I note you have paid it so well done

a chat to carer would be good as well to never go inside and you will always meet them outside

tbh I can well imagine my autistic nephew 10 doing the same - he goes helps self to food /drinks if sees it

so I can understand how it happened @ForTidyShakerbut was a split second unfortunate accident

I understand it’s a bit of a shock and a fairly big bill. But can I ask why the carer didn’t supervise your son effectively as your son was still in his care (although as party ran over, carer was perhaps over their hours) Presumably the carer knows your son and his behaviours? It could have avoided stress for the partygoers, OP and her son.
Sorry OP- I’d feel I had no choice but to pay up. Different if you’d said “I’ll replace your cake” but party girls’s mum took you at your word.
I’d also have a chat with the carer about supervision- it was obvious you were busy. Probably would have been cheaper to pay them overtime than a big dessert bill

That’sa tricky one. I think you’ve done the right thing by paying. But I think it’s cheeky to let people order expensive things on your tab. A replacement cake and a bottle of wine would be fair. But it’s difficult because the children were expecting to be served dessert.
i don’t even know why I’m bothering to post because I’m not sure what I’d do. It’s definitely something that would happen to me though and I’d pay. And if someone spoiled my cake I would also pay. I’d never ask

Christ cant believe this is an argument, your son who wasnt invited ruined the cake, upset the family and bday girl then mum had to fork out even more for desserts, it was unfortunate obviously but it's not up to the mum to pay for any of that. You should pay the cake, the replacement desserts and a big bottle of wine. It's not just about it being awkward at the gates but info like that spreads like wildfire and it unfortunately reflects on the whole family, including your daughter. If you offered to pay you need to pay, it's a lot but it's just money.

I agree with this. It's not ideal but pay and leave it all in the past.

Had it been an adult's party it would be different, but this was a small child's birthday cake that was ruined, so something needed to be done to put it right. Surely people don't expect the birthday parent to end up £110 out of pocket?
I say this as the parent of a now adult who would have done just the same when he was younger, and would quite possibly still now, given the chance.

But why should OP pay for the cake AND the replacement desserts? That way she hadn't only had the damaged cake subsidised but has had all the desserts free courtesy of OP.

I wouldn't have billed you.

You have a son who needs a carer. I expect life isn't easy.

A completely unexpected incident happened. Not your fault. Not your sons fault.

For the mother to then say to the kids at the party "have anything you want" and then billing you is nasty. Pure nasty. She should've controlled this better. She should've billed you 50% at most. She's horrific.

Absolutely you have to pay - shocking that you think you don't.

Your son destroyed a child's birthday cake, and they had to buy replacements from what the soft play had. They don't deserve to be out of pocket because of your son's actions, on top of it ruining the day.

Good for your daughter that you paid. That was the gracious response.