To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Because after a splendid party with her friends I think she could easily be moved on to something else, rather than trying to rectify the cake issue.
I think making a fuss about ordering different puddings kept the focus on the unfortunate incident.
The party was over I think. So the candles and singing had been done.
They could have told all the children that birthday girl would bring cake in to school on Monday, or hand out after school. OP could have paid for that cake,

I’d just pay it OP. It’s unfortunate all around.

if I was the other mom I don’t think I’d have followed through with asking you for the money, but in your shoes I absolutely would pay to make up for the loss of cake. The other child still ended up without a cake for their party.

I'm so sorry you had such a horrible and stressful experience. I can't believe the mum sent you a bill that large for something that didn't need to cost that much. Yes, having the cake handled isn't the best, but my goodness what are we teaching children about entitlement and inclusion. Why on earth would you allow the children to order such expensive deserts? Why would you pass on such a large bill, not getting cake isn't actually the end of the world. Finally, where has everyone's compassion gone.

I am of the opinion you should pay it.

Your son ruined the birthday cake which she won’t have served. And she had to replace said cake with the alternatives available in the soft play centre. This is all a mess for both your family and hers but why should she be out of pocket for the actions of your son?

She’s apologetic about the cost but it is not hers to bear.

What an ugly thread. I am sorry OP that you were in a shitty situation like this. I'm sending compassion towards you for the lack you have received thus far, I am sure life is hard enough on the daily. x

Can’t believe she let them order expensive desserts. She wasn’t doing that when she was paying herself was she, supplying a shop bought birthday cake that totals no where near the amount now.

By the way. If it were my daughter’s birthday party and the situation you unfolded exactly as it happened, I would be cutting the bit of cake out your son touched and serving the rest. I would also have been saying “no way!” To you covering any additional costs. My nephew has SEN and his parents have a hard enjoy job just doing life never mind when things go pear shaped

I am sorry this happened to you 💕

Every single word of this. I am astounded at the lack of heart and compassion all around. I hope you are ok OP. 💐

I'm only amazed that she didn't take everyone, parents included, for a slap-up meal at a pizzeria afterwards to recover from the 'trauma' and bill you for the cost. According to some of the reasoning on here, that would have been fine.

If I'd been the host I would have said sorry kids, no dessert this time
And bought my child a new cake on the way home and let them eat it with a fork.
And I would have told you not to worry.

And if I were the other parents at that party I would have said oh dear there's no cake ! I wouldn't have let the host order more.... That's madness.

In your opinion. I'm afraid that I hold the same view of you.

The OP shouldn't have put the hostess in the situation of having to even present her with a bill to paid, either by making adequate provision for her disabled child initially or by dealing with the situation immediately as it happened. If ever I did put someone on the spot by leaving them to clear up the carnage I had caused, I would pay whatever without question because my good manners would ensure it. I would also be mortified that I'd caused so much inconvenience and more than likely send a gift and an apology note too. I would never dream of allowing the hostess to not send on the bill and I would make that quite clear.

To all those saying that their child would be quite OK with a strange boy smashing up their cake, for God's sake teach them some boundaries. Nobody should have to be happy to be treated poorly. Having special needs should offer an explanation rather than an apology, the apology in this case is the OPs job.

Yes, this would have been a very good plan. ☝️

Massive dickish response here. The party mum could have ordered an ice cream for all the kids. all soft plays sell them, there is zero need for £110 being spend on ten fucking desserts for kids. Ten ice cream’s is £40-£50 at a push.
Im sure we can all be a bit more understanding that shit happens when kids are around, additional needs or not. OP offered to pay and was blindsided by a massive unreasonable bill when the kids could have had a bloody ice cream

It's a horrid situation but I kinda agree with this. The hostess didn't really have much choice but to pay for desserts. She wouldn't have done it otherwise.

I agree, it sounds as though the cost of the cake hasn’t been included in the invoice, only the replacement ice creams.

She could have refrained from ordering the ones that came decorated with edible gold leaf.

I think she's handled a difficult situation atrociously. I would have told the kids to have an ice cream each, not a ten pound dessert, and kept it as low as possible.

"It was quite costly" comes across as spiteful and "hope you're OK" as passive aggressive.

You are in a position where you have a carer looking after your child while you get your other child to a party - the cutting of some slack would have been the decent thing to do. but some people are just cunts or to be more generous a bit thick and lacking in empathy. No way in that situation would I send a bill for that amount.

OP has already stated she's paying, why are people still going on!

Yes, agree with this. What on earth fancy desserts were they all eating that cost that much!

@ForTidyShaker Sorry this happened.

Someone else also asked upthread. You say you cannot handle your 2 kids in public. Did the carer know that? Also even if the DS was delivered to you in the car park, will that not be you handling your 2 kids together in public?

Looks like the safest option would be a complete separation as others have suggested. Also, I can quite see DS running off touching another kid's piece of cake on their plate had cake been served before he arrived. Are you confident carer is suitable as DS seems to 'run off' whenever he sees something that excites him.

This is more than just the cake ruined, which explains why the thread.

I doubt that your little one was invited to this party in the first place

What are you on about ? Her DD was invited to the party, DS was not. OP clearly said they were supposed to meet in the car park for a handover - he was with his carer, which suggests a significant level of disability of some kind and makes this a very unkind comment doesn’t it ?

You would send a gift and an apology note? Wow you have a lot of time, or you're full of it. This is a tiny tiny non event and it would have been a good opportunity to think well, shit happens, let's have a good time regardless. But I don't think you're posting in good faith and you are best ignored.

Some really vile posters out today. OP please ignore them.

Of course she had a choice! Nobody was holding a gun to her head and demanding replacement desserts all round. Unless OP lives in a particularly dodgy area 🤔

Soft Play at The Ivy ?